How Many Bullets?
by Your Great Escape
Summary: I’ve been chasing after Lily Evans for six years, and I’ve never gotten a response out of her. I’m not one to give up easily, but this just might be the last straw. How many more bullets can I take?Eventual James x Lily
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** How Many Bullets?

**Author:** Sara Chappelle

**Genre: **Angst/Romance

**Rating: **PG-13 for sexual references, sexual jokes, violence, language, and James Potter in general.

**Extended Summary:** I've been chasing after Lily Evans for six years, and I've never gotten a response out of her. I'm not one to give up easily, but this just might be the last straw. How many more bullets can I take?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of this. Not the characters, nothing. (And I'm not using this to make money.)

Platform Nine and three quarters was packed with wizards and witches of all ages. They milled about, students hugging their parents before leaving on the day-long journey by train to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The students would stay at the boarding school for three months before they saw their parents again, during the winter break. Hence, the partings were emotional for some, aloof for others, and many of the younger students were slightly nervous about leaving home for such a long period of time.

The older students were quite the opposite; some had even convinced their parents not to come to send them off to school one last time. These older students were scattered into various groups of four or five, sharing stories of their vacations, as well as new hopes for the new term. One of these groups had just managed to find each other, picking through the crowd for their friends. "Hey, Prongs!" One of them said, capturing his companion's attention. The youth who turned around was quite handsome, and both his eyes and his mind were obviously on other things.

"Padfoot? Moony? Where's Wormtail?" He nodded at his friends, and the small, scrawny Peter Pettigrew seemed to appear just as the teen known as 'Prongs' said the name. James Potter grinned, a smile that made most girls dive into his hazel eyes, and he nodded at the new seventh-year to appear. "How were all your summers? I was going to Apparate into Lily's bedroom, but…" His voice drifted away into nothing. "I thought better of it. It is my sworn duty to be well behaved." James laughed openly, knowing full well what kind of trouble all of the Marauders (as they called themselves) would be in by the end of the first week.

The boy who responded first was the one called Padfoot, possibly the most attractive of the group. He had wild black hair that fell, uncombed, to just past his ears – his mother had insisted on cutting it. His warm brown eyes smiled at his friends, and he raised his black eyebrows at James' statement. "You should have. It might have surprised her into shagging you." He laughed. "Well behaved, my foot."

Lupin shrugged. "Summer was okay, I guess." Then again, he had just recovered from the last full moon, and was dwelling on what was always a traumatic event.

As if sensing this, Sirius clapped Moony on the back. "Are you kidding? You spent the whole summer in the French Riviera, and the girls were really hot! You had an incredible time, and now you're coming back to school. We're going to play a record number of pranks, and you're going to snog Christine Schiedel." Remus turned bright red immediately, and rather pleased, Sirius continued, "And Potter's going to get married. To Evans, of course."

James was instantly infuriated. "Excuse me? I… I what?"

"What? I thought you liked Evans. Enough to dream about shagging her, anyways. Besides, Potter, you just strike me as the kind of guy who gets married and has thirteen kids." Sirius noticed that the Seeker's eyes remained narrowed, and found himself trying to duck out of the group in order to escape the wrath of the Gryffindor Quidditch team captain.

Unfortunately, a certain redhead had overheard this, lurking behind a nearby post the whole time, listening to their conversation. It wasn't until now, however, that Lily Evans chose to emerge. "I just want to make two things clear to you, Potter, before you get any ideas. One, I hate you. Two, stay away from me, because I will hurt you. Oh, and by the way, there's no way I'm shagging you. Consider yourself lucky you didn't Apparate into my bedroom!" she smacked James hard before stalking off, her long, red hair falling in its usual cascades of curls around her narrow shoulders.

James turned in order to watch her go. He gingerly rubbed his left cheek, shouting some choice words after the redhead, "Like hell am I giving up!" He sighed when she didn't respond, or turn around, and his heart shattered for the thousandth time. "I'm gonna go find a seat before it's too late. See you." Slightly dejected, the seventh-year departed from his fellow Marauders, climbing onto the Hogwarts express. He made his way towards the compartment reserved for Head Boy and Girl, dragging his trunk behind him.

Finally, Potter reached the compartment, praying that he'd have gotten there prior to Lily. She was already there, however, her nose buried in a book, her feet propped on the wooden chest that was her trunk. "Hello, Potter. In case you haven't noticed, this compartment is reserved for the Heads, okay?"

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled, lifting his trunk into the luggage rack above them. Lily looked uncertainly at the seeker, not sure whether or not to tell him to go away. After all, there was no way that Dumbledore would ever make James Potter Head Boy. No freaking way. James ignored her curious glance and flopped down across one of the other upholstered seats of the train. It was then that he noticed her stare that seemed to challenge whether or not he belonged here. "Evans, I'm Head Boy. Get used to it."

The redhead looked up, her green eyes wide with shock. She seemed frozen in place for a moment, but was quickly able to recover. Well, not completely. "You… You what?" There was a pause, and James didn't answer. "No, you can't be. This is not happening."

"Evans, why is this so upsetting to you? Don't you want me to stay out of trouble? Or maybe you like to think you have some control over my actions. Maybe you like yelling at me," James teased, never really noticing how Lily was dealing with his words.

"Potter, you just don't get it." She looked like she was about to either smack him or start crying, and James, who had finally noticed this, was feeling a bit guilty at this point.

"Evans, I'm sorry…"

"Shutup, Potter. Just shut the hell up." Why did he always have to be like this? He was treating her like she didn't understand. He was the one who didn't get it. She didn't like yelling him, and she did want him to behave himself. And she most certainly didn't want to be patronized.

They fell silent, and James buried his nose in his worn-out copy of _Quidditch: A History._ It wasn't until the train pulled out of the station that they even looked at each other, and James found himself staring out the window, watching the countryside go by, thinking about what he might have done wrong this time. Lily, on the other hand, was still absorbed in her book, her eyes gradually falling shut.

Her thoughts drifted for a moment before she settled into a dream. How on earth had James managed to become head boy? Someone like Remus was so much better suited for the job. And how did Dumbledore expect Potter to be responsible? Would she be the only real head? And what if he had really Apparated into her bedroom? The dream took over with that thought….

_Lily was back in her bedroom, lying among the tangled sheets of her double bed, her red hair fanned out across the pillow. It was dark, the only light streaming in through the open window, falling in a luminous pool across the floor. She was perfectly calm, and the only sound was the soft summer breezes that often came with the July heat. Suddenly, a small, unexpected noise disturbed the evening's perfection: the creak of the door opening, and a dark shape appeared at the end of the room. The redhead sat up, suddenly alarmed. "Who's there?"_

"_It's me," he whispered, making his way across the room. Lily knew the voice, but she didn't quite recognize the man until he stepped into the single pool of light halfway across the room. When she finally recognized him, her breath caught in her throat, and she didn't let it out until he was seated on the edge of her bed, his eyes meeting hers. The bottom dropped out of her stomach as she lost herself in the depths of his hazel eyes, and she could feel him moving closer to her, his fingers entwining with hers as he finally climbed all the way into bed. She could feel his muscles under his robes, the result of countless Quidditch practices, and didn't protest as he leaned closer… And then, he poked her._

James Potter was, in fact, poking her, when she awoke to all the familiar sounds of the Hogwarts Express. Lily brushed his finger away impatiently, trying to slip back into the dream. Oddly enough, she wanted to know what happened next. But why would she want to know something like that? It wasn't as if she actually wanted to shag James Potter. He poked her again. "Potter. Enough."

"I'm not touching you," was the seventh-year's only reply, and his customary smirk returned to his face once he had gotten a reaction out of the object of his affections, as he liked to put it. James watched, amused, as Lily rolled her eyes at him, sighing with exasperation. It was an obvious ploy to buy time in order to come up with some clever remark.

Or that was what the Head Boy thought until he heard what the redhead had to say. "Potter, stop it."

He almost laughed at the thought. 'No,' Prongs answered silently, continuing aloud. "Sorry, you're far too pokeable." His finger jabbed in Lily's direction once more, and once again, she failed to avoid it.

Gracefully taking the hit, she raised one eyebrow at James, a habit he found quite attractive. Of course, Lily hadn't spent nearly enough time around him to know this, and if she had, she would have broken the odd habit immediately. "Pokeable?" she inquired, puzzled by the word. "What in Merlin's name is that supposed to mean?"

Potter didn't miss a beat, and poked her once again. "It means that I'm not touching you." He smirked, satisfied with the reply, as well as with Lily's reaction. He liked seeing her get mad, for some odd reason. Maybe it was more attractive to him. Maybe he liked the fire in her personality. Maybe he was used to that being the only reaction he ever got out of her. Abruptly, James found her wand directly under his nose, staring down the highly-polished wood.

"I'm warning you, Potter. Don't push it." The Head Girl glowered at her new, unwanted colleague, not quite sure that he would leave her alone.

"Head Girl." He smirked, a facial expression that she hated more than anything else about him. Except maybe his I'm-all-that attitude and his hair that always refused to lay flat. "What're you gonna do?" He stood up, his lanky body stretching to a height of six feet. Deftly, James reached down, his fingers closing around her wrists, pulling her to her feet. Now that both of them were standing, two things were clear: Lily didn't look too intimidating, her head barely reaching his chin. "You might get in trouble," the seeker murmured in his warm, pleasant voice, as he felt the tip of her wand against his chest.

"Then again, I might not," Lily replied, confident that he wouldn't say anything. He never did, and no one else was around to see her do this. He felt his fingers jab once, simultaneously, into the one point on her side that could make her shriek, and that was, indeed the last straw. Regaining her composure, Lily narrowed her eyes and spoke the words to the first hex that came to mind. "Sanguinem Mittere!"

James reacted to the words instantly. Blood gushed from his nose, flowing over the hand he had raised in a feeble attempt to stop the flow of blood. It came with quite a bit of pain, and he was feeling lightheaded from the loss of so much blood all at once, but he quickly recalled the counter curse. "Sanguinem Incruentus!" Next, he turned his wand on Lily. "Expelliarmus!" Her wand was yanked out of her hand, and the seeker caught it easily, pulling it out of reach, which wasn't too difficult, seeing as Potter was a foot taller than the redhead.

"Give it back," she demanded, reaching up towards the arm that now held her wand. "James, I'm warning you…"

"What are you gonna do, hex me?"

"Arrogant Bullying Toerag," she muttered in reply. "Potter, this is exactly what your problem is! You think you're so popular. You think that everyone likes you. Well guess what? No one does! I hate you, and so does everyone else!"

Potter swallowed his emotions, trying to calm his racing heart as it shattered for the second time in less than an hour. He had backed up against the wall, his eyes shut against the pain that only she could inflict upon him – she was the only one who ever could, and every time, he had to go through the same self-torture afterwards. "Evans, shut up," he snarled, not opening his eyes, trying to make all his feelings go away.

A/N: So that's it. Review for me, and I'll love you all forever. Yeah, This fic is depressing me already. Oh well. :-D.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks to my two lovely reviewers, (You guys rock) and hopefully, I'll get more this time. I know login was down. _Artemisa27_ and _Maria Overlook_, my lovely beta, you guys rock. Everyone read their stuff! (But read this chapter and review first, lol.)

Diclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of these charries.

.s.c.

It was a while before Lily reacquired her wand, but she did get it back. James somehow managed to get all the blood off his face, and by the time they got off the train, both Head Girl and Boy were pretending that everything was okay, or at least that things were back to normal. Still, as an O student in Divination, Lily knew that it wasn't. She had no business fantasizing about Potter, unless she was fantasizing about killing him. And she certainly hadn't been killing him in this particular dream.

She had to stop thinking about him… the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed, the shape of his long torso as he flopped down on the red armchair in the corner, his deft, graceful movements as he flew through the air at Quidditch matches, the angular nose. NO! She shouted at herself mentally for even thinking about this. She needed something better to do with her life than imagine herself shagging James H. Potter. Still, why the dream? Maybe it was just hormones. No girl in her right mind could deny that James Potter had what was possibly the hottest body at Hogwarts. Or, if it wasn't hormones, perhaps Lily was subconsciously aware of whatever James had been doing in the compartment while she was sleeping. After all, he had poked her in the dream as well as in real life. Maybe being poked symbolized something. Somehow, Lily doubted it. She needed to stop thinking about Potter. He was, after all, dangerously unwholesome.

At the moment, James Potter was blissfully unaware of Lily's thoughts, though had he known exactly what she was thinking about, it might have cheered him up just a bit. He was sitting across one of the plush red armchairs in the Gryffindor common room, his long legs dangling over one armrest, his head propped up on the other, staring at his first real piece of homework: a four-foot-long essay on where and how the Exodus Charm could be used effectively. However, if you looked over the Head Boy's shoulder, the parchment was clearly blank.

Like Evans, Potter was daydreaming, his thoughts anywhere but where they were supposed to be. He hadn't deserved that cruel beating at the mouth of Lily Evans. He was well-liked. Or, he was well-liked by those who were popular in school. Those who weren't… Snape, Erdu… He sighed, thinking that maybe – just maybe – Lily had a point. But that was it. Well, she probably did hate him now, after their spat on the train ride. And now that she had seen Gilderoy Lockhart again. They had been on the verge of going out at the end of last year, and James had heard Lily say something at breakfast about how nice he always looked. She was into that kind of thing, where all the guys looked respectable, even if they really weren't. He remembered his words on the platform two days earlier. _Like hell am I giving up!_ And it was true. James Potter wasn't giving up on Lily Evans – not yet. He had one more year, and he intended on using every second of it.

There had to be a way to get a date with her. And once Potter had that, everything would start to work out. It came to him almost immediately, and the Seeker shot a grin across the room towards Lily, who shot him a scowl in return. James stuck his tongue out at her and turned his mind back towards this genius plan of his. "Oy, Padfoot, get over here. I've got an idea."

Sirius soon emerged from the sea of girls trying to seduce him at the opposite end of the room. He had his own Charms book under one arm, and unlike James, had already written at least two feet. "What's kickin', Prongs?" Sirius carried himself with noticeable ease, as if to say, 'you know I don't give a damn.' It was an attitude Potter had always envied, and often wondered if that would have made Lily want to go out with him. But then, it wasn't as if Evans was chasing after Sirius, either.

James stood up, tucking his own book under his arm, and led Sirius up the stairs towards the dormitories. "I've got an idea."

"What, for our first major prank of the year? 'Cause I had something quite genius… it might take a while to explain, though," Sirius said as they made their way up to the seventh-year dormitories. James just let his friend talk until the door was shut behind him, and he was certain that the dorm was empty.

"Sirius, this isn't about the prank," the Seeker interjected, flopping down onto his bed, which, at the moment, was covered with a small collection of school books.

Padfoot looked slightly confused for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Then… what is it about?" He could have predicted the answer, though. With James, everything was about that girl. Sirius preferred the ones that didn't want any strings. It was so much simpler to walk into a restaurant, snog a girl, and know that you would never see her again.

"Lily. I think I've found a way to get a date with her."

"Took you long enough," Sirius retorted, his dark eyes gleaming with interest. "So… spit it out, Prongs." Once the Seeker was finished explaining, Sirius was nodding with satisfaction and wondering why they hadn't thought of it years ago. There was only one flaw: it involved James actually being smart instead of just pretending. Oh well. If he wanted this badly enough, he would overcome that, beat her, and win the date. "Genius. And you're sure she won't refuse?"

"No, she'll be fooled into thinking that she can beat me at anything, I think. I think she already is," Prongs replied thoughtfully.

"I think she's right about that," Sirius answered tactlessly, dodging the pillow James sent flying his way. "But no, seriously. It's an excellent idea. Just bait her a little… it might encourage her to take the bait, if you are, indeed, deceiving little Miss Perfect into going out on a date with you."

"Well, I suppose I am," the Head Boy replied, a smirk gracing his sharp, well-tanned features. "And I'm gonna get it, too." With that, he walked out the door and back down the stairs, mentally preparing himself for the argument to come… and what to do if she didn't take the bait. But she would. She had to.

.s.c.

Meanwhile, Lily moved from her spot in the chair towards the tall brunette at the opposite end of the room. Tucking strands of red waves behind her ears, the Head Girl sat down besides another seventh-year, who was already sitting cross-legged on the shaggy carpet that covered the floor of the Gryffindor Common Room. "Grace?" Lily questioned quietly, glancing dubiously over towards the rest of the common room and hoping no one was listening in on their conversation.

The other seventh-year looked up immediately, motioning for Lily to take a seat. "What's up?" She was taller than Lily; when standing, she reached a height of five feet six inches. Her glossy brown hair fell past her shoulders, and piercing blue eyes stared out from under pale eyelids and long lashes. This was Grace Chester, one of Lily's closest confidantes since first year. They were both Muggle-born, and they both had to deal with the pressures of their status as such, especially from the Slytherins.

"I dunno, I just felt like talking." Lily took a seat beside Grace, nervously biting her tongue as Grace stayed silent. The other girl clearly knew that Lily would say what she needed to eventually, and without any nudging. And once again, Grace was correct. Lily spat out, "I don't want to be Head Girl." She noted the look of surprise on Grace's features. "Wait, that's not what I mean. I like being Head Girl… everyone says I'm perfect for the position. I just don't want to… Potter's Head Boy, and he's never gonna leave me alone now."

"Well, it seems to me that he hasn't done anything major so far this year. That must be a good sign," Grace responded, trying to point out the positive notes to Lily. "And what makes you think that he's never gonna leave you alone?"

In Lily's opinion, Grace was taking this much too calmly, considering the implications of James Potter being Head Boy. For one thing, it said that Albus Dumbledore was absolutely insane, as well as that James Potter was being handed an excuse to not only converse with her, but also to spend at least an hour each week with her. "Grace, he might not have done anything yet, but that doesn't mean he isn't going to. He's probably just biding his time." Lily paused, leaning closer and lowering her voice to below a whisper. "Grace, I don't understand it…. On the train, I fell asleep, and… and I had a dream. About him."

"You didn't," Grace chuckled, savoring Lily's obvious disgust. "You didn't. Lily Marie Evans, what has gotten into you?" By this time, the brunette was having an increasingly difficult time hiding her laughter from an increasingly angry Head Girl.

"I don't know," Lily moaned in response, leaning her head against her friend's shoulder. "I've never felt this bad about myself in my life. Grace, what am I supposed to do?"

"Well, first of all, you could tell me what he did in this dream… As much as you hate to admit it, dear, James is actually pretty sexy," Grace answered quietly, shooting a devilish grin at her friend.

"Then why don't you go out with him? And the dream was just a freak accident. I'm going to forget about it, and that'll be the end of the whole-" Lily stopped, hearing her name from the opposite end of the common room.

"Lily Evans!" It was (who else?) Potter, shouting her name across the common room. Everyone in the room had frozen, anticipating the Seeker's demise and subsequent embarrassment and planning on relishing the amusement. The room was completely silent for a moment, the ticking of the clock the only noise to be heard in the background.

"What on Earth do you want this time, Potter?" she demanded, tilting her head upwards, never missing the sneaky glint in his eyes as he ran his hand through his annoyingly unkempt hair.

"I want to make a deal with you," came the quick, almost over-eager reply. Lily trusted neither his tone of voice, nor his motives. James caught her glare and immediately wiped the gleeful expression off his face.

"Oh?" Lily asked, suddenly curious. "And exactly how do you plan on humiliating yourself this time, Potter?" The seeker laughed openly, a warm sound that Lily found herself drawn to before she scolded herself for thinking of Potter like this. How could someone who was as much of a prick as Potter was possibly have a laugh like that? She wanted to pull him against her and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. No. She took a deep breath in a feeble attempt to control these sudden hormonal desires – if that was what they were.

"Well first of all, Ms. Evans, let me correct something. You're not going to get the chance to humiliate me. I'm going to bet you that I can beat you on the Defense Against the Dark Arts test on the fifth. Friday. If I win, you go with me on a date to Hogsmeade. And if you win, I'll leave you alone. Forever. Cut off all contact with you."

"Give me one good reason to take this bet, Mr. Potter."

"Because the risks outweigh the benefits," James responded quickly. "And if you don't take it, it's like admitting that I'm better than you are. Which I am," he added after a moment of contemplation. She had to take the bait.

"You've got yourself a deal," Lily answered quietly, standing up and crossing the room towards the tall youth. They clasped hands, sealing the deal in front of the entire common room. "Potter, you're dead. You've never beaten me on a grade in your entire life." She chuckled rather coldly before walking up the stairs towards her dormitory. No doubt her roommates who hadn't been present would want to hear about this. And the whole house would probably know by the next morning, anyways. James Potter was like that – always vying for attention.

.s.c.

A/N: Review, and make me happy, because I can always wait to post chapter three. (It's really good, too. And long. And excellent.) So Review.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three.

Author's note regarding the coffee incident: My lovely beta, Maria Overlook (she's the best, read her stuff), does not believe that coffee can give you second degree burns. It happened to me, so blegh. sticks out tongue Just had to say that, read on. (And Maria's away at camp right now, so I don't have a beta. Please excuse any minor mistakes throughout this chapter.) And thank you so much to Liz the Laugh. Your review really made my day. (And we all love cheddar cheese, don't we? Lol, read and review.)

Disclaimer: Do I look like J. K. Rowling to you?

.s.c.

Clearly, Lily had underestimated the gossiping power of the combined efforts of every girl in Gryffindor, plus Sirius Black. In any case, news of the bet between the Head Boy and Girl had spread through the school like wildfire, as everyone was curious to know which one of the two was really the more intelligent. The stakes for both individuals were also quite high. James Potter had been bugging Lily Evans since first year – to the point that it bordered on harassment. And she had been refusing his romantic advances for the same amount of time. Whoever won would finally gain the upper hand in their little spat.

James was taking the attention rather well; his ego had grown more in the first minutes of breakfast than it had all summer. But then, the Seeker practically fed off attention both from his friends and teachers, as well as his growing population of fan-girls. If he won this, then it would finally be true: he could have any girl in the school. And once he went out with Lily Evans, he would be keeping her. Unfortunately, Potter was never prepared for the disastrous turns his love life was going to take in seventh year.

Lily should have known better than to assume that the prat would keep this quiet; it wasn't in his nature to conceal anything, especially if it added to the legend of James Potter: Gift to all Wizard-kind. In any case, she should have expected every head to turn her way as she entered the great hall. She should have expected to hear her name whispered fifty times in a row as she walked confidently towards the Gryffindor table. Unfortunately, Lily hadn't through this far ahead. Or, at least, she hadn't thought about the social impact of Potter's immaturity. Already, she could feel the eyes boring uncomfortably into her, seeing all of her flaws. Blushing fiercely, the redhead hurried to choose a seat that the table, never stopping to look at who her neighbors were.

"You know, Evans, if you really wanted to transfigure yourself into a tomato, I could help you out. I have quite a bit of experience with this kind of thing." The voice, situated to her left, was annoyingly familiar – James Potter. She wanted nothing more than to smack him, but this was nothing she should be getting upset over. Besides, the Head Boy only got worse once he got a reaction from his victims.

But he had already gotten a reaction, perhaps not from Lily, but from his friends, who found his cruel remarks quite amusing. Their laughter only made the redhead blush harder, knowing all the while that her face was probably clashing horribly with her hair. "Shutup, you prick," she muttered, shooting the wizard a hard-earned glare. Confident that he would leave her alone, Lily went back to nursing her very hot, very strong cup of coffee.

Getting a rise out of her only inspired James in his smart remarks and disruptive comments. "Seriously, Lily. And if you really want to be an Animagus, you might want to consider something prettier, like a fox. Or a cat. Or maybe a…"

Lily had stopped listening – his wit wasn't the least bit funny when you were the victim. Already, her day was ruined, and it was all Potter's fault. And to top it all off, everyone was laughing at her – all because of that stupid prat. Well, he deserved some form of punishment., and the Head Girl sincerely hoped that this would be quite painful for him. She followed her first instinct and hurled her still very hot coffee into his face. "You think you're so great… That wasn't funny, you stupid prick." The words were spoken hatefully, and Lily slapped the Seeker hard across the cheek before stuffing what remained of her bagel into the black messenger bag at her hip and stalking out of the great hall. On her way out, Lily thought she caught the eye of a highly-amused Albus Dumbledore.

James shut his eyes tightly as the hot coffee scalded his face. He felt the pain sear across his cheekbones, reminiscent of the time he had tried to make breakfast for his parents when he was little. Then, he had ended up in St. Mungo's for a week. Now, it seemed that Lily felt the need to add insult to injury. He winced as her hand collided with his face, never hearing the words the Head Girl had left him to think about.

"James, I think you might have been a little harsh there," Lupin said quietly, not looking up from his copy of The Daily Prophet.

"Ya think?" James retorted sarcastically, wiping the coffee off his face with his napkin. "I really wasn't trying to make her throw her coffee in my face, though." He bent over his cereal, trying to ignore Sirius's triumphant smirk across the table. That lasted about three seconds. "Padfoot, will you stop looking superior already and tell us what's going on?"

"But James, I can't help looking superior. Not that it takes much to look superior to you." He sighed, sounding almost sad. "I guess this really does make me the hottest guy in the school. You've had a long reign, friend."

That was about all the teasing James could take. Without another word to any of his peers, he rose form the table and stalked out of the Great Hall, much in the same manner Lily had. Sirius shook his head sadly, watching Prongs go. "Some people just can't take a joke."

As the day wore on, things hadn't improved a bit for Lily. She had hoped that James would suffer because of her coffee-hurling at breakfast. To the contrary, he was using it to his advantage. The usual flock of girls surrounded the Seeker, fawning over him even more than usual. And every time Lily saw his face, she shuddered to think that she had done all of that to him. There were blisters, marks of a 2nd degree burn under his left eye, and his face remained red all day, as if it was still flushed with the heat of the coffee. Containing her urge to apologize, the redhead had hurried back to the common room after dinner, convinced that her worries were over. They weren't. Sirius Black was taking bets on who would win her bet with Potter. So far, it seemed that she was the favorite. Despite this, Lily warned the Marauder with a detention and went to bed immediately, with a splitting headache.

.s.c.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. James was spending quite a bit of his time studying, leaving the rest of the Marauders to plan their first major prank of the year on their own. He, being Head Boy, was quite disapproving of the whole prank fiasco in itself, but he couldn't help but get involved. It was all Sirius talked about now, but James had stopped listening. Every free moment he had was spent studying, and Lily couldn't exactly complain about it. However, she almost found herself missing his odd sense of humor, his daily practical jokes.

Maybe that was what had put her in a bad mood, but whatever the reason, when Lily went downstairs on Tuesday morning, she was quite obviously pissed at the world. She sat away from everyone else at the table, glaring at anyone who so much as glanced her way.

There was only one person who was brave – or possibly stupid – enough to talk to her in her current state: Gilderoy Lockhart. "Hey, Evans!" He said enthusiastically, oblivious to her sour mood. "I was just wondering…"

Lily cut him off, thinking it was Potter who was bothering her. He owed her an apology, and she raised her coffee mug, poised to strike. "Bugger off, will you?"

Instead of obeying her command, the youth sat down beside her. "What's the matter, Lils?" He asked quietly, laying a hand on her forearm. "You can tell me."

At this change of manner, Lily turned to face the youth beside her. She instantly recognized the blond hair and dazzling smile, the charming manner. "Oh, Gilderoy. I'm sorry, I thought you were Potter." She smiled shyly back at him, continuing. "Nothing's that matter, really. Just stress, I guess. I'll get used to it, you know."

"I hope you do." He paused, obviously uncertain whether or not to continue. "You see, Lily, I was just wondering…" The blond seemed unable to find the right words, and his normally charming manner had turned slightly awkward. The redhead turned to look at him, her green eyes wide with interest. Gilderoy noted this, and was instantly encouraged. "Well, you see, I was never good in Transfiguration…"

Lily barely noticed the Marauders closing in around her, listening in on her conversation, with plans to make fun of her for it later. All except James, who was shooting his best death-glare in Gilderoy's direction, making his hate clear. How dare he approach Lily Evans without permission. Yes, he had earned himself a severe prank, and Potter knew exactly what he was going to do…

Lily scooted slightly towards him, and Gilderoy continued. "Well, I know you're really good in Transfiguration." The Marauders found this quite amusing. Sirius was laughing so hard his sides were aching, his eyes shut, his head leaning against Potter's shoulder, the only one of the group who didn't seem to find it funny. Lily was infuriated, and she could feel herself blushing again. "I was hoping you would help me out with my studies – I am quite horrible at it. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"No, no, you don't have to do that, Gilderoy," Lily replied eagerly, shooting a glare at Sirius, who caught it and immediately became solemn. "I'll help you out. Why don't we start next Friday? I'll meet you in the common room. Five o'clock sharp, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Gilderoy answered, flashing his brilliant smile at her before sauntering off to find his closest buddies.

Lily seemed lost for the rest of the day, and in every class, she seemed to be stealing glances at a certain Gilderoy Lockhart, who the Marauders had decided wasn't nearly as good-looking as they were. James was already planning his prank for ruining Lily's weekly tutoring sessions with said obnoxious blighter.

.s.c.

Thursday came quickly – the night before the big test, and the culmination of the pressure on Lily and James. Or, at least, Lily was feeling the pressure. James appeared to be acting fine. Defense Against the Dark Arts was one of his better subjects, and having done several hours of studying before that day, and he had spent all three meals with his book in front of him, paying almost no mind to the students surrounding him.

Lily, on the other hand, had spent every free second available the whole week studying, and still, she wasn't quite feeling like she would definitely win this bet. She always got nervous like this before tests; she didn't know why, but it happened, and afterwards, she got the highest grade in the class. Maybe it was her mind's way of tricking her into being better than everyone else, deceiving her into being perfect, when in reality, she wasn't anywhere close. Still, the illusion she showed everyone else was refreshing – especially when you almost believed it yourself.

Slowly, the Gryffindors were making their way back from dinner. Lily, accompanied by Grace, as well as her friend Kim McCracken, was one of the first to leave. Kim was the type of girl who would pass Sirius Black in the hallway, snog him, and keep walking without another look back. Lily half-admired her for this, and half-thought it was horrible for her self-esteem. Kim was also the sort of girl that Sirius Black would notice. She had long, blonde hair that was stick-straight, and grey eyes that could make any boy stop and stare. Her body had the same effect. "So, what are you gonna do if Potter wins his date?" The blonde asked thoughtfully, glancing over at Lily.

"He's not going to. It's just as simple as that. He's simply not intelligent enough to beat me, of all people, on any test." Outwardly, Lily sounded confident, but she was already panicking about Potter's performance on the test. New questions were running through her mind. What if he did win? What would she do about the date? How would she ever live it down? The Marauders would never let her, either – not in a million years.

"What about that Transfiguration exam?" Kim shot right back, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Potter has always been freakishly good at Transfiguration," Lily retorted, her nose in the air. "And this is Defense Against the Dark Arts." She muttered the password to the fat lady in front of the common room and climbed through the portrait hole. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have quite a bit of studying to do."

As it turned out, James was already lying on the couch, his book propped up on his stomach, the spine resting against his thighs. His tie was loosened considerably, his shirt unbuttoned to reveal the well-tanned skin of his chest. All at once, Lily wanted to rush over to the couch and jump his bones, and forget whoever happened to be watching. But she also wanted to smack him for looking like sex and tempting her like this. It was something he would do, and it was obviously being done deliberately. He was trying to distract her from her studies. He obviously wanted her to screw him. Well, that was obvious. Otherwise, Potter never would have bet her for a date. Well, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Finding herself an armchair, Lily flopped down into the red upholstery, her legs curled over the armrest, her nose buried in the Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook.

Lily yawned as she scanned the textbook, searching for any information she didn't know and committing it to memory. Occasionally, her eyes flitted towards the lanky youth stretched across the couch on the opposite side of the room. Every time she looked at him, he was still absorbed in the book, his hazel eyes never leaving it. Guiltily, Lily turned back to her book. If only he were like this more often, she wouldn't mind going out with – The Head Girl stopped herself mid-thought. James Potter would never, under any circumstances, make a good boyfriend. Never. Ever. He was a worthless, obnoxious prick, and she hated him. She buried her nose in her book once more, never noticing as her eyelids grew heavy and finally closed.

.s.c.

_She had to be dreaming… And it had to be a bad dream. Somehow, it didn't feel like a bad dream. Tonight was also perfect, though slightly cooler than Lily would have liked. She huddled down into the blankets as the door creaked open. His silhouette was familiar in the moonlight, the thin, lanky shape with the clearly muscular arms. "Who's there?" She found herself whispering as she sat up in bed, her eyes flickering between the man and her wand._

"_It's me," He whispered back, crossing the room towards her bed. She inhaled, in anticipation of what was about to happen as he sat down on the bed beside her, staring into her eyes. Looking into his, Lily could tell exactly what he wanted, and she wanted to give it to him. She didn't protest as he climbed all the way into bed beside her, but only felt her stomach do a somersault, and she exhaled, never realizing that she had been holding her breath._

_Lily Evans, in that moment, wanted nothing more than to touch him, but didn't, afraid that if she did, this wonderful dream would end. But before she knew it, her hands, of their own accord, were on his shoulders, running down onto his muscular chest. He leaned closer, his breath smelling like bubble gum. As a rule, she was discovering, James Potter smelled nice. She felt his hands meet her shoulders, shaking her gently…_

.s.c.

Awake.

Once again, he had to ruin her dream by waking her up. Ruin? No, Potter had just saved her from something that would have been completely mortifying. Lily, for the life of her, couldn't decide which option was worse: admitting that she was dreaming about screwing James Bloody Potter, or admitting that he had saved her from dreaming about screwing him. Because either way, she was doing the horrible thing she had promised herself she would never do again after the events on the Hogwarts Express. She had sworn never to dream about James Potter again. And here she was, a mere four days later, repeating her dream. No, it couldn't even be called a dream. It was a fantasy. And if there was one thing Lily Evans could not afford to do, it was fantasize about her greatest nemesis. He was her greatest nemesis, for crying out loud. This. Was. Not. Happening.

Except it was.

Lily finally realized that Potter had been kneeling in front of the armchair the whole time, his eyes staring into hers as she lost herself in thought. He spoke first, and much to the Head Girl's surprise, it wasn't something completely out of context, or something maddeningly insensitive. "The face is a mirror of the mind, and the eyes, without speaking, confess the secrets of the heart." He smiled at her, and for once, it wasn't the too-wide, arrogant grin that made her want to smack him.

Lily was slightly pleased. He sounded so… nice. That emotion didn't last too long. It took a moment for Lily to realize exactly what he was saying, as well as what she was thinking. James Potter, nice? It was an impossible notion, in her opinion. And then she considered his words on a deeper level – he knew what she was dreaming about, possibly even what she was thinking! It was a scary thought, and Lily did the only rational thing at the moment: panic. "What the --- Ja --- I mean Potter, why are you saying this kind of thing to me?"

"I don't know, Evans. I'm slightly worried about you," the Seeker replied simply.

"Why on Earth would you be worried about me?" She retorted incredulously, still staring into his eyes. Merlin, it was so easy for a girl to lose herself in someone like James Potter, someone with a body like his, eyes like his, lips like… Once again, Lily stopped herself, or rather, Potter interrupted.

"I just don't think it's healthy to sleep in the common room on the night before a test, especially one that's as important to you as this one." He offered her his hand, and, hesitantly, she took it, reluctantly allowing him to pull her up out of the armchair. Honestly, he was such a gentleman when there was no one around to see. Lily didn't understand it. "Why don't you go upstairs and go to sleep?" he suggested quietly, handing her a Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook, which she must have dropped.

Lily nodded, and headed towards the stairs immediately. She stopped at the foot of the staircase to the girls' dormitories. "Potter." He turned, offering the redhead another true smile. "Good luck. You'll need it." With that, they both departed up their respective staircases, bound for bed.

.s.c.

Author's note: Yes, I know it's cute. Don't worry, they'll go back to hating each other for at least part of next chapter. It'll be quite a while before they actually get together. (If they do, indeed, get together, and the real couple in this fic isn't LilyxSeverus.) Just kidding, don't hurt me. Review for me – it helps me write faster.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Very Long Note: Yay, I hit the 10 review mark! (I shouldn't be this happy about this, but I am. I'm also posting a new LxJ story, set after their graduation. You know you want to read it.) There were quite a few questions about the dream, and it will continue, though not in this chapter. It will be back in chapter five. I also had a question about the hex in chapter one. My inspiration from that came from season 3 of 24, where they're fighting the Cordilla virus. (Symptoms include bloody noses.) I wasn't thinking of Snape's worst memory in any way, and Lily had to retaliate somehow... Yeah, I got a lot of positive feedback, and I'm glad you all think I'm doing such a great job. (Even if I'm not so sure.) Thanks again. Read and Review, and find out who wins the bet.

Very Original Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

.s.c.

The test took place the next morning, and after it was over, James went back to his troublemaking duties as a Marauder, as well as his not-getting-caught-duties as Head Boy. The target of the first prank of the year would be a certain redhead and her new 'boyfriend.' All four of the Marauders had agreed that if Lily and Gilderoy weren't going out yet, they soon would be. Therefore, James's first priority in the world of pranks was to sabotage this little meeting, and therefore ruin Lily's chances of any relationship with Lockhart. And then there was the date to consider. Even with all the studying he had done, Potter still wasn't feeling too confident about his test grade. After all, Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't Transfiguration. There wasn't any way he was going to win this bet. And not winning meant not going on the date with Lily.

So, now he had to find a way to keep her single. And she couldn't find out it was him doing this to her – whatever this was. James had enlisted the Marauders' help in coming up with the prank, but none of them wanted anything to do with its actual execution. Lily Evans, as Potter knew all too well, could be quite a scary person when she was angry. But then, she was also really, really hot when she was incensed. The actual plan was Sirius's prank-playing genius, and the Head Boy was more and more convinced that it would work. He almost felt guilty about ruining the redhead's chances with Gilderoy – it was obvious that she liked him. But that was exactly the problem. She couldn't fall in love with someone else. It would break his heart into so many shards he'd never find them all to piece back together. So this prank was just a necessary defense. It really wasn't that bad when you looked at it like that…

Lily, on the other hand, was not worried about any of these things; she was certain she had won the bet – she knew the answer to every question on the test. There was no way she would have to go out with James Potter. After all, he wasn't all that good at Defense Against the Dark Arts. Well, he was good – he just wasn't an 'O' student. And even with all the studying that he had done, there was no way he could possibly beat her. And in a round-about way, Lily was right.

In any case, Lily spent her weekend in preparation for her tutoring session with Gilderoy, checking out books from the library, practicing transfiguring mice into matchbooks and lamps into letters. Transfiguration certainly wasn't her best subject, but then, it was Gilderoy Lockhart. You didn't just pass up a chance to spend time with him. And he was everything Potter wasn't. He was respectful. Wholesome. Kind. Serious. Mature. Smart. Good-looking. And Lily certainly wasn't going to pass all of that up because she was being hassled by a certain obnoxious, bullying toerag. No, Gilderoy Lockhart was exactly what she needed. Once she had him, all her recent nightmares involving Potter would stop, and she'd be truly happy. (Or so Lily Evans thought.) Hence, she was putting herself through rigorous preparation for this one study session. And she found herself focusing on Gilderoy more and more often. But maybe that was just that she was trying to forget James Potter and everything that he made her feel, and want to feel.

Meanwhile, Gilderoy Lockhart was obsessing over this one study session with Lily Evans. She was, without doubt, one of the most attractive girls in the school, and Gilderoy was feeling quite blessed to be able to associate with her. And possibly go out with her. She was everything he looked for in a girl – Smart, kind, passionate… She was perfect for him, and he was perfect for her, he knew. He had spent quite a bit of time reviewing. He wanted to seem as if he could do _something_ when he was working with Lily. He didn't want her to think he was stupid or anything. Hence, both Lily and Gilderoy spent the weekend studying and working.

The other houses were also up to some mischief. With the latest attack of Lord Voldemort, the Slytherins marched confidently through the halls, smirking and talking down to anyone and everyone who might put up with it. And some of them – the ones more loyal to the Dark Lord's cause – were planning other, more sinister things.

This select group of Slytherins was composed only of the oldest, most loyal bloodlines – Black, Snape, Lestrange, etc. This group had openly praised Voldemort in the past, but their support had never gone further than that, at least, not at Hogwarts. This year was different, though. The Dark Lord's power had grown, and even the Daily Prophet had begun referring to him as 'You know who' or 'He-who-must-not-be-named.' The Slytherins were clearly enjoying their new power, and it was evident in the first years' fear of the house. The other sixth and seventh-years were more or less indifferent, but if this plan succeeded, then they wouldn't be. And every Mudblood in the school would be far too frightened to ever return. It would be a strike in the name of the Dark Lord, and it would bring the fear to inside Hogwarts, where everyone thought they were safe. They weren't. Even Albus Dumbledore couldn't save the world.

.s.c.

It wasn't long before the next Defense Against the Dark Arts class. The whole class was waiting anxiously for the tests to be returned, just to see who would win the bet between Lily and James. Of course, both Head Boy and Girl were pretending like they didn't care. In reality, both were anxious about the outcome. James, as usual, was sitting among the Marauders, near the back of the classroom, sharing jokes and laughs as the professor did his best to ignore them. Lily, as usual, was sitting at the very front of the classroom, doing her best to pay attention to the lesson. Today, however, even the Head Girl was having difficulty concentrating on what Professor Fendere was saying about dementors and how to protect oneself against one.

Squirming anxiously in her seat, Lily glanced down at her wristwatch. The Professor had said that she would hand back the tests at the end of the class. That was only ten minutes away. Lily could endure ten minutes of this variety of torture.

Nonetheless, it was the longest ten minutes of her life. Finally, when the Professor reached for the stack of papers that were the tests, the whole class seemed to sigh audibly along with her. At the back of the class, James Potter was nervously wringing his hands, and shooting glances at the professor as she moved across the room, placing papers in front of students. He was beginning to remember everything that might have gone wrong. Maybe his essay wasn't quite up to par, or he had forgotten how to recognize a vampire. Then there was the question about the use of Transfiguration in self-defense. No, that was absurd. Of course he got that question right; he knew the answer from personal experience. Not that anyone here besides Sirius, Peter, and Remus knew that. If they had, it would have only been a matter of time before he was shipped off to Azkaban.

James was called from his little daydream by Professor Fendere. "Mr. Potter, this is excellent work. Much above your usual standard. I expect more of this kind of thing in the future." As the Seeker looked up, slightly confused, he met the professor's eyes. She was smiling, a rare occurrence for her. James nodded as she handed him a paper, and he flipped it over, staring with disbelief at the grade. And then, his face broke into a nice-sized grin. Lily would have to get a perfect score in order to beat him at this. And then he remembered that Lily's grades were always perfect. She got mad if she got anything less than 98 on a quiz or test. Knowing this, he slumped into his chair, just in time for Lily to turn around and watch him in this helpless, crestfallen state. Well, that was what it seemed like to her.

Obviously, even Potter thought that his grade wasn't good enough to win. That was good enough for Lily. Mentally, she was already celebrating, a smile on her face. Potter would have to leave her alone now – without the date he had sworn he would get. Lily was already happy as the professor made her way back up the aisles towards the front of the classroom. Without a word, the professor deposited the last test on the edge of her desk. Lily flipped it over immediately, her smile widening at the sight of her grade. There was no way that Potter could beat a grade like that. He simply wasn't intelligent enough. Still, she had to be completely certain, and she wanted the satisfaction of rubbing this in his face before he started ignoring her, trying to forget about her. If he could. Certainly he had tried before.

For once in her life, Lily Marie Evans was dead wrong.

As the class was dismissed, the rest of the Marauders moved on while James silently waited for Lily to gather her things. It was the last class of the day for him, and the pain of waiting had been excruciating. This, however, was the climax. Would he win or lose? Finally, the Head Girl walked towards him, green eyes alert, red hair swinging around her shoulders. "Evans," he said politely, falling into stride beside her as she walked out the door of the classroom. "I wanted to ask you what you got on the test."

"What did you get?" Lily retorted, avoiding the question. Now that he seemed so cool and collected about it, she was feeling slightly nervous. Besides, she didn't want him to lie to her about the grade, just to get this stupid date. Well, even that kind of cheating was below him. She pulled her test out of her bag in the same instant he shoved his in front of her nose. Two 99's, marked in red, side by side. Lily's jaw dropped, and she found herself gawking at James's hawk-like features, a pleased expression on his face, his cocky grin returning to his face. Realizing that she was staring, Evans pulled her gaze away from his face, back towards the tests. "So… What now? Who wins?"

James's breath increased as he met her gorgeous green eyes, wanting to pull her into his arms. Ever since she had been civil to him in the common room the week before, he was finding himself staring at her more than usual. The tie was certainly a surprise. He hadn't expected to win – instead, he was thinking of forgetting her right then and there. But had he lost, he would have kissed her first. However, he would have a chance. He just had to make certain that he would get this date, no questions asked. "Well…" His mind searched desperately for a solution that would allow him this victory. "We could go to Hogsmeade next weekend. And after that – after it's all over, I'll forget about you. You'll never have to worry about me again." He offered her a smile, identical to the one she had fallen in love with in the common room the previous Thursday.

"Okay," Lily replied quietly, wondering if she regretted asking what she had of James. Potter. Not James. He didn't deserve a first name to begin with, and she wouldn't call him by one. Her heart melted again as he flashed that gorgeous smile at her – the gentle one that made him look capable, not cocky. Forcing a nod, Lily took the hand he offered her. He was making this purely a business transaction, when in reality, it was anything but that. It was a game, and she had misplayed this hand. It was all because of that damned smile of his. If only he was different. If only he was more like… Gilderoy. If he wasn't such a jerk, Potter might have made a good friend, maybe even a good boyfriend. No, no, no. James Potter was an obnoxious, bullying prick who deserved to crawl into a hole and die. Lily couldn't fathom why she was suddenly feeling this way. First the dream, and now she was looking at him, blushing as she stared into his eyes… James Potter would probably make the worst boyfriend ever. He'd probably cheat on her. He'd lie. He'd be the opposite of devotion. Hell, he probably wouldn't even like her anymore once he could have her. Which was why Lily would never let him have her. Never.

.s.c.

Many of those who had met Lily Evans would have considered it a miracle that James Potter had managed to stay in the common room when the Head Girl had ordered everyone out. But then, most of the students at Hogwarts didn't have invisibility cloaks. So, Potter had arrived plenty of time in advance of Lily's little tutoring session with Gilderoy, concealed by the cloak. He took his seat by the window, away from where they would probably sit to do their 'studying.' He was there for fifteen minutes before Lily walked in, her arms laden with books, the top three buttons of her shirt unbuttoned, as opposed to the usual two.

Almost as soon as Lily had finished setting the books down on the table and pulling a few different objects out of her bag, Gilderoy walked in, doing his best to look charming. Well, even Potter had to admit, that was one thing he was good at. After all, he was the one who got to be 'alone' with Evans. Well, he thought he was alone with her. Trying to subdue his jealousy, the Seeker pulled his wand out of his pocket, preparing himself to do this. It still struck him as cruel, and if he was caught, the consequences would undoubtedly be quite horrible. Smothering these unfamiliar, regretful emotions, James watched Gilderoy sit down beside Lily, murmuring a greeting to her. As if watching this wasn't torture enough for the Seeker, he was forced to see Gilderoy scoot closer to Evans, the way she returned his grin. It was downright painful.

James's thoughts were interrupted by Lily's voice. "I'm so glad you're here. What did you want to start with? Anything you had particular trouble with?" She smiled at him, staring into the blond boy's gorgeous blue eyes. She was so lucky that he had asked her to help him out, and she was certain that he would get the help that he needed. And maybe – just maybe, this would eventually lead to something more than a tutoring session. Gilderoy was the kind of guy who could make her forget about Potter. The kind of guy she needed.

"Yeah, last class, with the tortoise shells. I couldn't get mine to do anything. Do you?" He smiled as Lily leaned closer to him, noting that her shirt was unbuttoned more than she usually would have condoned for any student – let alone herself. Well, if that was any indication of how she felt, then the blond was in luck. He wasn't actually all that bad in transfiguration. He could get by. It was just that it was so much easier to hear someone say that they didn't have time to tutor you then it was to hear that they didn't want to go out with you. But from the look of things, Gilderoy would be achieving his true goals.

Lily blushed slightly as he moved closer, pulling the tortoise shell out of her bag to practice on. "Yeah. The trick is the pronunciation. A lot of people too much emphasis on the first syllable and that messes it up. Cah-SEL-la," She said, putting the proper emphasis on the second syllable. Perhaps she had put a bit too much, but the emphasis correct.

Gilderoy nodded, showing that he understood. "I see. Cah-SEL-la," he repeated, flashing Lily yet another smile.

"Right!" Lily answered enthusiastically, making him repeat it a few more times. "Now why don't we try it for real, now?" She nodded towards the tortoise shell. If everything went right, it would transform into a jewelry box.

Gilderoy nodded eagerly. "Right." He pulled his wand out of his robes, holding it ready. "The moment of truth." He grinned at Lily before turning his mind back to the task at hand: turning this tortoise shell into a jewelry box. "Casella." He waved his wand at the tortoise shell.

At the same time, on the other side of the room, a very invisible James Potter muttered the counter-spell, and waved his own wand. Needless to say, the tortoise shell didn't change in the least. It was still simply that – a plain old tortoise shell. No jewelry box, no Lily Evans in pure amazement of his magical abilities. James smirked across the room at the crestfallen look on Gilderoy's face. That smirk was soon wiped right off his face.

"Aww…" Gilderoy continued. "I thought I had it."

"So did I," Lily answered, frowning. She paused, listening for a second. She thought she had heard more than one voice across the room. That would have explained quite a few things. She wouldn't have been surprised if someone (someone being James Potter) had tried to sabotage her social life with a stupid prank or something of that nature. "That's okay, though. It's usually harder on the real thing. Give it another try." He did. Nothing happened, but Lily was fairly certain she hadn't heard the voice this time. Maybe he just really sucked at Transfiguration. Well, that was why she was tutoring Gilderoy, wasn't it? Well, supposedly, that was why he had asked her. "Hmm… This is odd. I was certain it'd change." She tried the spell herself, and once again, nothing happened. "This is really weird. I had it perfectly in class today." The Head Girl tried the spell once more before looking it up in her textbook. "See, we're doing everything perfectly." She tried the spell once more. "Casella!"

James's smirk disappeared as Lily's eyes narrowed. He could tell she was getting mad, and was watching Gilderoy eagerly for the blond's reaction. Lily was inspecting her wand, trying the spell again, and cursing at the world. It was apparent to Gilderoy that she couldn't do it, and frankly, he was wondering if she was really the great witch everyone said she was.

James nearly jumped from his chair as Lily rose from the couch, shooting a death-glare in his direction. Her wand was raised, and she seemed to be following his movements around the room. Potter knew that he had to get out of there immediately; his life depended on it. Unfortunately, as he turned, he felt her grab the back of the invisibility cloak, pulling it off of him. He reappeared, and turned quickly, looking for an opportunity to defend himself.

He was never given that chance. "POTTER!" Lily was clearly infuriated, and James was smarter than to stay and get beat up. Unfortunately, she didn't give him a chance to escape. _Slap._ Her hand collided with his cheek, where it was bound to leave a red mark from the sheer force of the blow. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" _Slap._ James was never given the chance to argue – not that he would have. However, Evans' tirade made any contention impossible. "How dare you?" _Slap._ "What were you thinking?" _Slap._ "You complete--" _Slap. _"--And utter--" _Slap._ "Asshole!" Without giving Potter any time for further argument, Lily drove her knee into his crotch. In her mind, this would (hopefully) prevent James Potter from contributing any more to the demise of the human race. He groaned, his eyes shut from the pain, and collapsed onto the furry carpet of the Gryffindor Common Room, his head spinning.

Gilderoy laid a hand on Lily's shoulder from behind upon seeing James collapse. Even if the Head Boy was every bit the prick Lily said he was, he still deserved the opportunity to reproduce someday. "Come on, Lily. Calm down."

Lily calmed down – however slowly – and went to gather her things from the common room. She and Gilderoy could continue their lesson in the library or something. Maybe they could find an empty classroom. "Potter, I swear. I don't know what makes you think you'll ever have a chance." As an extra measure of torture, she grabbed Gilderoy's hand as they left the common room. Seeing this action, James shut his eyes tightly, angry at himself for trying to do this. Lily and Lockhart. They were the perfect couple; even James could see that. What had made him think that they might ever be together. Maybe seven years was long enough. But if that was true, why was he on the verge of tears? When the Seeker swallowed the knot in his throat and opened his eyes, the couple, thankfully, was gone.

They had been replaced by a curious Sirius Black. "Prongs, why are you on the floor?"

"I just got my ass kicked by Lily Evans," James replied quietly, forcing a grin through his new outlook on the girl. He was done with her, forever.

Sirius winced, grinning back. "They always told me true love was painful. That's why I don't get myself muddled in it."

"I've been smitten for seven years. You'd think that'd be enough." Potter paused, thinking. "Maybe it is. She's right, Padfoot. I never had a chance." He forced himself off the floor, sighing. Why else did his conversations with Lily seem to end with him getting beat up? People didn't beat up other people if they were friends, if they had a chance, if they didn't hate each other. So obviously, Lily hated him. It was the only logical conclusion. And here he was, having wasted seven years of his life on her.

Sirius interrupted once more. "Hey, mate. You've got a chance. Lots of girls think you're the hottest guy at school…" He noted the curious look James had shot his way. "Don't ask how I know that. Anyways, you can't give up just yet. She's bound to come around eventually. Besides, watching you chase after her is the amusement that keeps you going."

"I don't fucking care if it keeps you going, Black!" James wasn't exactly in the mood for jokes, after considering everything that was going on in his over-inflated head. Things would be better if they were apart. And to think he had been wrong about her all these years… He sighed, hoping Sirius wouldn't take offense. The seeker lowered his voice before continuing, "I'm done with her. After Saturday, I'm gonna find myself a different girl."

.s.c.

A/N: Review for me and you'll get another chapter. dangles chapter five And if you don't, I'll make Lily kiss Gilderoy! Consider yourselves warned.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **So you see, this chapter is very long. I worked hard. Yay for hard work! Anyways, this is a very emotional and interesting chapter for both James and Lily. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. BTW, if you didn't notice, I have a new story out that I need a bit of help with. It's called Shattered Hearts, and I'm not certain if I should continue it. I don't really want to, but it seems like everyone else does, so… You could go read it if you have time. (wink, wink)

**Disclaimer:** It all belongs to J. K. Rowling.

.s.c.

Lily met her new boyfriend with a kiss in the common room the next morning. They walked down to breakfast together, their arms around the other. The whole school seemed to have been informed of the events regarding James and Lily. A tie. No one had anticipated this outcome, except for perhaps Professor Ricerca, the Divinations teacher. In any case, Lily and Gilderoy were now officially a couple, much to the dismay of James Potter, though he tried not to show it. He still had his own date with her to win her back – though he had realized that there really was no point in this anymore. She was gone. But maybe it was better that they were both going to have to get over the other. James always stayed true to his word, and he had said he would forget her after the date. And he would. He'd find someone else. There were plenty of other girls in the school, the majority of whom would give quite a bit to get some from the infamous James Potter.

Lily was feeling pretty good, anyways. Her dream hadn't come back, a sure sign that Gilderoy could make her forget about James Potter. Still, she found herself letting her mind wander back towards the troublemaker during those times when Gilderoy was off with his friends, studying or doing whatever they did with their free time. How bad did it hurt him to see her going out with someone else? It seemed to Lily that he didn't care anymore, but how could that be true? She seriously doubted that after seven years of trying, James Potter could forget about her.

Whether or not Lily was right or wrong was still to be decided. It seemed possible enough, however. For the past several days, James had managed to avoid Lily entirely. He might have passed her in the hallway, or flopped across the couch on the opposite side of the common room, but there was no opportunity for them to even speak. Lily forced herself to ignore this by making out with Gilderoy during every free moment available, much to the disgust of every other soul around. Well, except for perhaps James and Sirius, James because he never seemed to notice, and Sirius because he was, well, Sirius.

Potter broke the silence in the common room on Friday night, the eve of their date. Lily was secretly anticipating the event, though she hadn't been able to admit that to herself as of yet. James, on the other hand, had been quite restless all day, as if he was nervous in advance. He had been fretting over everything that might possibly go wrong. The effects of his fight with Lily weren't helping his nerves, either. His cheek had turned purple, and by Friday night, it had faded to a dark spot. Still, the blows were hard enough to leave a memory; James would have certainly been discouraged from trying to do anything else in the near future. In any case, he somehow managed to gather the courage to speak with Lily. He approached her casually, wisely choosing a time when Gilderoy wasn't around, and wasn't likely to be around anytime soon – Sirius had made sure of that. "So, Evans…"

"So, Potter, I haven't seen you around lately. I was sorta hoping you had dropped off the face of the earth," Lily responded nonchalantly, as if it didn't matter to her. In actuality, she was quite interested in the Head Boy's reaction. Unfortunately, her near-constant snogging with Gilderoy hadn't been noticed. Surely he would have cared…

But no. And now, he took her cruel words without a second thought, or so it seemed. "Drat, Evans. No such luck." Inwardly, he felt his heart shatter for the trillionth time in the past three days. Why did she have to make her romance with Lockhart so public? Didn't she know how much it pained him? No, she didn't, James was certain. If she had, it would have been ten-thousand times worse for him. Luckily for James, Sirius had advised him not to say anything about the redhead's relationship. Ignoring it was certainly his best bet, judging by the bruise on his cheek. "Evans, I think we need to talk." He watched her struggle with her emotions, her expression finally settling on a half-shocked, half-curious look.

"And what on Earth do you and I have to talk about?"

"Well, you see, Lily," He began, choosing his words carefully. Potter planned on using this opportunity to mortify her as fully as possible. "When a man and a woman make a deal with each other, and that deal involves romantic endeavors…" He drifted off, savoring the 'this-is-not-happening-to-me' look on her face. The Seeker let the silence hang in the air, his amused hazel eyes meeting her mortified green ones. And then, Lily rose from her chair, hostilely, and in one swift motion, she had tackled the Head Boy. He took the hit bravely, and collapsed onto the floor.

When James opened his eyes, Lily was perched on top of him, her left hand on his neck, forcing him into the ground. He could feel the warmth of her body against his; her right hand rested on his chest, and her eyes narrowed even further, her face inches from his. They were almost close enough to kiss… Potter's thoughts were rudely interrupted by the redhead herself. "Well, you see Potter," she said, mocking him. "When a man acts like a complete idiot, a woman is allowed to neuter him, because he so obviously deserves that sort of fate. Understood?" She watched with satisfaction as he nodded slowly, giving the pretension of being frightened. "Now, Potter, do you have anything to say that I want to hear, or should I chop off your balls here and now?" Feeling confident, Lily raised her eyebrows at him, daring the Seeker to respond.

"Well, I don't know, Lily. But once you saw them, I'm sure you'd change your mind." Using Lily's apparent shock to his advantage, James rolled over, and their positions were instantly reversed. "What was it that I wanted to say? Hmm… I just can't remember." He was savoring this position – maybe Gilderoy would walk in, see them like this, and everything between the blond and Lily would end. No such luck. She struggled against him, and his hands wrapped around her wrists, leaving her little defense against anything he chose to do to her. At this point, however, Lily wasn't sure if she wanted to do anything to James.

Wait, she didn't want to do anything to Potter? Well, she wanted to do something to him, it just wasn't what she expected it to be. Still, with him this close to her, it was impossible to subdue these thoughts. His hazel eyes were affectionate, but with a devilish grin lurking behind them, and those lips… She tore her gaze away, before her eyes betrayed her guilty feelings. As Potter had put it so poetically, _the face is a mirror of the mind, and the eyes, without speaking, confess the secrets of the heart._ But then, why on earth was she thinking about what Potter had said to her so long ago? Her eyes drifted to his muscular chest, where only her pale hand and a few inches of air held them apart. Now what would happen if she were to bridge those few inches? "Potter, I'm warning you," Lily finally managed to gasp through clenched teeth, forcing her thoughts off of him. "Say whatever it is that you have to. I don't have time for this sort of thing, you know."

"Alright." He released one of her hands, tilting her chin up so that their eyes met. "But having you stare at my chest like this is quite uncomfortable, Lily." James offered her a smirk before he continued. "About this date. Tomorrow. Where do you want to meet? Three Broomsticks, two o'clock? Does that work for you, my dear?"

Reluctantly, Lily nodded. God, why were his eyes so damn perfect? Why couldn't he have been ugly? Why did she have to let his stupid ego get in the way of what she – no. She didn't like James Potter. So maybe he was slightly attractive. So what? So maybe she was enjoying the way his body felt against hers. It was hormones, that was all. Harmless hormones… "Yea," The Head Girl replied, sounding breathless, even to herself.

James laughed softly when he heard Lily's voice. Clearly, she wanted to be romantically involved with him. An idea hit the Quidditch player, something that would give her something to dream about. It was something that might just win her over. "Good." His face leaned closer to hers, and their pulses raced. Lily closed her eyes as she smelled his clean, minty breath, and finally, their lips touched. Lily struggled to pull him closer, but as she did so, he only rolled off of her. "I'm sorry, that was unprofessional of me," Potter whispered into her ear as he pulled away. "Good night, flower." He promptly disappeared up the dormitory stairs, to laugh with the Marauders about the night's events.

Lily laid on the common room floor for almost five minutes after that, her hair fanned out across the furry carpet, pale fingers pressed across her lips. James Potter had almost kissed her. Almost. But why hadn't he? _Was my breath bad? Did he know what I was thinking?_ Still, the redhead was determined to kiss him tomorrow, and it would be a real kiss, nothing like whatever he had just done to her. Why did he have to leave? Why was she even thinking about Potter? After all, Gilderoy was so much better-looking, and much more intelligent, as well. Still feeling the shadow of James's lips upon hers, the witch headed up to her own dormitory, to bed. She had the feeling that dealing with Potter on a date would require quite a bit of rest.

.s.c.

Lily didn't get very much sleep that night. Well, she did sleep, it was just occupied almost constantly by that horrid dream. And the worst part was, she kept waking up.

_For the hundredth time that night, she was back in her bed at home, the sheets wrapped around her slim frame. Funny thing was, she never seemed to tire of wondering what it would be like to be in this situation, and she certainly never tired of this exotic, perfect fantasy. It was always the same warm night, always the same lacy curtains around the window, always the same gorgeous James H. Potter. Wait, he was gorgeous? No. He wasn't gorgeous. Yes, he was. Lily's seventeen-year-old self and her dream-self were stuck in this argument, each knowing they were right. So James Potter was both gorgeous and hideous at the same time. Well, she wasn't given much time to ponder this, because the said object of her affections entered the room, the door creaking as he shut it behind him. "Who's there?" She whispered, anticipating his answer, the softness of his voice, as she always did._

"_It's me, baby." She sat up in bed as he stepped across the room, leaving his cloak on the floor. She hadn't caught that third word before tonight. A smile formed slowly on her lips, knowing what was coming as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Their eyes met again, and Lily was trapped – she knew it. Those eyes were too damn sexy to get away from. And she couldn't prevent from seeing right through all her defenses, into her very soul. It was as if he knew everything about her, and she wanted him to._

_The redhead, desperate to find out about that kiss, reached out towards the youth's arms. "James." Wait, she was calling him by his first name? "Isn't it rather late? It's way past my bedtime." And suggesting things of a sexual nature. Even worse, she was suggesting that she wanted to do those things to him… Her hands were already on his arms, moving up towards his shoulders, working out every knot and kink she found there._

_A smirk crossed his face. "I expect you won't be going to sleep for quite a while, flower." He leaned closer, his hand resting somewhere in the center of her back. Their pulses raced, and everything shattered as their lips touched_

With that, came consciousness, and the dream was gone. Lily cursed softly, looking around her dormitory for the reason she had woken. There was always a reason. But now, in the darkness that came just before dawn, there was no one, no sound, even, except for the ticking of the clock on her bedside table. 6:12. Damn. She was going to be so exhausted today. There was no way she was going to make it through this date. Unfortunately for Lily, however, there was no way she was going to get back to sleep, to this dream that she had watched a thousand times, and never regretted until she was awake again. It made her sick. But why had she woken up? Maybe it was that she couldn't dream about kissing Potter until she had actually gone and kissed him? That was probably it. And in that case, she had to kiss him today, when there was no one around to see. She would walk with him up to the Shrieking Shack. No one ever went up there, and Lily could be certain that no one would know that she had kissed him. Well, at least not until he got back to Hogwarts.

In any case, it seemed to Lily that this dream was important. Maybe there was something that she was supposed to know about Potter, or that she was supposed to get him to do. Hell, maybe she was supposed to be kissing him. Her conscience took the opportunity to remind her of Gilderoy, but to be honest, the redhead didn't care. She was far too wrapped up in anticipation of what was going to happen on this date.

.s.c.

Lily spent the morning avoiding the Marauders, despite their rather obvious attempts to get in touch with her. The students had left the Entrance Hall at 10:30 on the dot, and they had arrived in Hogsmeade at about eleven. That left Lily, Grace, and Kim three hours to run around before they left Lily with her 'hot date.'

Around noon, the Marauders gave up on Lily and disappeared into Zonko's joke shop, leaving the girls on their own, which wasn't necessarily a good thing, for more reasons than one. For a good while, everything was fine. The girls stopped for lunch and butterbeers in the Three Broomsticks, and went through the shops in Hogsmeade, browsing and occasionally buying something. In fact, it wasn't until the trio was on its way back towards the Three Broomsticks that they ran into any trouble at all.

As a rule, Slytherins don't like people who don't conform to their standards. And those standards, that role, is always clear-cut in their minds. Yes, Lily was out of her place. She was acting above her true station. Well, that was the way Bellatrix Black saw it. It was black and white, obvious. James Potter was pureblood. He could trace his roots all the way back to Godric Gryffindor himself. And then there was Gilderoy Lockhart. Maybe not the most intelligent of wizards, but still. Pureblood. His parents had magic. Lily Evans. Mudblood. Muddy, murky, dirty. Why, she was practically a Muggle, for crying out loud. And yet, Dumbledore still had the nerve to choose her as Head Girl, when anyone – any pureblood – in the school was more deserving of the role. And Evans was dating two purebloods. And that would only lead to one thing – corruption of pure bloodlines. In the twisted, jealous, sick, contorted mind of Bellatrix Black, that was enough reason to murder Lily Evans. And she would murder the little redhead bitch. Just not yet. No, torturing someone slowly to death was much more satisfying.

"So, Lils, how far do you plan on going with Potter?" Kim asked jokingly, a devilish grin crossing her features.

"Well, I haven't really thought about it. I don't plan on going anywhere with him," Lily answered innocently. "But if he wants to go for a walk over to the Shrieking Shak or something, I'll go. So, I'm guessing that's a quarter mile or so." Somehow, the Head Girl managed to keep a straight face throughout all of this, knowing what she was implying, and seeing her friends nearly collapsing from laughter. Their faces became instantly stony, however, the moment they spotted Bellatrix Black and her followers approaching, their wands close at hand.

Lily kept her head high as the Slytherins approached, neither increasing nor decreasing her pace. She assumed that Bellatrix would allow her to pass without a word, as they usually did. This time would be much different than the redhead expected.

"So, Evans." Lily met Black's eyes without fear, inclining her head slightly to the left as the Slytherin continued. "I take it you're on your way to meet Potter? I'm warning you now…"

The Head Girl laughed openly. "Thanks, but I think I can handle him on my own."

"That's not the problem, mudblood." The word rung harshly in the air, and Bellatrix continued. "Evans, I don't need you corrupting pure bloodlines. I'm sure you understand what I mean."

"Ex… Excuse me?" Lily asked incredulously, her emerald eyes narrowed in intense anger on the Slytherins. "And if there are, indeed, bloodlines to be tainted, then perhaps you should be locked up. In my mind, we don't need you contaminating the next generation with your disgusting beliefs, bitch.

She had said the wrong thing. Black's wand was out in an instant, trained on Lily's face. Mid-spell, there was a cry of "Expelliarmus!" from someone behind the Slytherin. A tall, dark-haired Gryffindor walked menacingly through the crowd that had gathered, nodding towards Lily. "Evans, I believe you have a date."

Shocked, Lily nodded and walked off towards The Three Broomsticks. Observant as always, though, the redhead caught a glimpse of Bellatrix Black's face, inches from her cousin's. So Sirius could scare the living hell out of her. That was useful information, in the Head Girl's mind. Thank Merlin Sirius had arrived when he had. Otherwise, who knew what would have happened to them?

.s.c.

James had thought for a moment that Lily had blown him off. It was 2:10, and she still hadn't shown up. She was the kind of girl who was never late for anything. To the contrary, she usually showed up about five minutes before she was supposed to be there. At two o'clock, Sirius had left, saying that he had some business to take care of, which meant that he was probably meeting some girl for a serious snogging session. Moony and Wormtail had left after borrowing James's cloak, and he could only imagine what they were doing with it. So James Potter was left alone, to wait for his date. He went back over the day, growing bored with the clock on the wall. He had gotten up at eight, eaten breakfast, and gone back upstairs, already stressing about this date with Lily THAT SHE WASN'T BOTHERING TO SHOW UP FOR! The fact that he was forced to wait was making James more than slightly annoyed. It had been fifteen minutes, and she still wasn't here. Well, he was giving her ten more minutes, and if she didn't show up, that was her problem.

In any case, he had hurried back up the stairs, to get ready for this date. He had attempted to subdue his unruly hair; that endeavor was unsuccessful. He had spent longer than usual deciding what to wear, and finally settled, after much debate and about a half-hour in front of the mirror, on a pair of worn-in jeans and a red and gold Gryffindor Quidditch team sweatshirt. The word 'Potter' stretched across the back, in a brilliant gold thread, and his hair was still mussed. It had a sort of windswept look to it, as if he had just gotten off a broomstick. Yes, James Potter had finally achieved the hairstyle he wanted.

Lily, Grace, and Kim walked into the Three Broomsticks at about twenty minutes after two o'clock, when James had gone back to staring dubiously at his watch. The girls immediately spotted him, at a table towards the back of the pub, a butterbeer resting on the table near his right hand. If Lily looked slightly disheveled, James didn't notice. The moment he spotted the redhead, he grinned broadly. She took the seat next to him, unable to keep herself from smiling. She didn't think she should be this happy while she was on a date with James Potter. He was such a prat, honestly. His voice drove the thought away immediately. "I was afraid I'd be waiting for you forever for a minute there. You wouldn't want something to drink, would you?"

God, he had such a nice voice. Deep, sensual, the kind of voice that could send pleasant shivers down the back of your spine – and that was exactly what it was doing to Lily right now. "Yeah, a butterbeer might be nice."

"James." It was Grace's voice. He turned to face her. "You take care of Lily, or you will face dire consequences. Is that understood?"

Grinning, the Head Boy nodded and walked off to get the afore-mentioned butterbeer. When he returned, Lily was still waiting for him, staring off into space. She had to set down some rules before things went too far. She thanked him for the butterbeer, bravely staring into those gorgeous hazel eyes that could see into her very soul. "Potter, one thing about this date. I want to set down a few guidelines. I don't want to end up in any **sticky** situations, if you know what I mean." He nodded, forcing his face into his most serious expression. She continued, "So. I don't want you touching me without permission. No hand-holding, no hugging, no looking at me below the neck, no rude remarks. Oh, and don't --" She was cut off by his kiss. Lily's eyes snapped wide open in shock, and she found herself kissing him back.

There was no denying it – it was a good kiss, if not an innocent one. It was everything Lily had hoped it would be. It was more. Almost automatically, her head tilted back, allowing James better access to her mouth. He took full advantage of this, and just as his tongue slipped into her mouth, she found herself pulling him closer, bracing herself against his chest. It was perfect. And then, just as suddenly as it began, it was all over, and Lily came to her senses. The facts hit her like a brick. She had just made out with James H. Potter in the Three Broomsticks, in front of everyone. Not hugged. Not kissed. SNOGGED. Lily could see the rumors now, flying off Rita Skeeter's pen. Lily and James Potter. Mrs. James Potter… But it wasn't her fault, really. James was the one who had kissed her to begin with. So this mess he had just gotten her into was really all his fault.

Hurriedly, Evans pushed all the loose strands of hair out of her eyes, back into place. She was torn, between kissing him again, scolding him, and slapping him for what he had just done to her reputation. Lily Evans, Head Girl, didn't just make out with James Potter in the Three Broomsticks. "What the hell? James… I mean Potter!" She swiftly corrected herself, but it was obvious to everyone how the redhead really felt about the Head Boy. Everyone but herself. She was still fighting the inevitable. You can't escape your own feelings. "What on Earth do you think you're doing?" She paused. "No, better question. Why the hell did you do that? You knew I would never…" She stopped, not wanting to scold James for whatever reason there was. She wasn't sure she needed a reason anymore, even.

"Shut up." The seeker didn't miss her shocked look. "You heard me. Shut up. Stop complaining, stop doubting. You enjoyed it, or you wouldn't have kissed me like that." He watched her mind struggle with this, and decided to give her thought a push in the right direction. "Lily. Stop fighting this. It was a kiss. We'll deal with the student body later, if we even have to. And we will deny all charges. Look, even Head Girls need a break. Just… let yourself live a little." He smiled down at her, their eyes meeting. James thought for a moment that he could see into her very soul – all her fears, hopes, dreams, desires revealed. Then, it was all gone. Just an illusion. They both relaxed, and settled into a normal conversation over their butterbeers. It was three o'clock when they finally decided to leave the Three Broomsticks, to go for a walk along the sidewalks of Hogsmeade.

"Well, I dunno, James. It's just the way he is. He's the best I can do." The Head Boy fought the urge to argue with her. She could do much better than Gilderoy Lockhart. "And I don't know another guy I could go out with. It's just that nobody's serious enough. I can't risk my reputation," Lily explained as they reached the top of a still-green hill, her red locks waving like a victory flag in the wind. She was beginning to realize that James Potter was different from everyone else, and she liked it. She liked the way he listened to whatever she had to say, and didn't interrupt her. She liked the way that it never felt like he was trying to steal her away from Gilderoy, even though that was exactly what the Seeker was doing.

And then, James decided to let himself go, to let himself say what he really wanted to. Big mistake. "Lily, I don't understand. Why is this reputation of yours so important? You don't have to be perfect. You're allowed to make mistakes, and hell, that's why I've chased you around for six years. I couldn't be in love with anyone who was perfect. It'd be too boring. Stop caring about your reputation and do what you really want to do. Stop trying to fool yourself into thinking that you like him, when you kissed me like there was no tomorrow. It's been six years, Lily. You can drop the illusions…" _Slap._ The sound was loud as her pale hand collided with his face. He winced, and took a step back from her almost poisonous glare. "Lily…"

"Don't even try and talk your way out of this one, Potter." _Slap._ He backed further away, not protesting. "You think you know how I feel! You think you can tell me what to do. Well, guess what? You can't! I care about Gilderoy, more than I'll ever care about you! Maybe you don't give a damn about what everyone says about you, but you're James Bloody Potter! You think you're perfect! Everyone loves you. And You! You've never had to walk down the hallway and hear the word Mudblood fifty times!"

"Lily!" He caught her wrist this time, as it sped a third time towards his cheek. "Lily." The Head Boy's voice was softer now, almost calming. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just…" The witch's foot connected with his shin, and he dropped her wrist, biting his lip against the pain. Lily proceeded to beat him up, leaving him no way to retaliate. After all, James Potter was never the type to hit a girl. "Lily, can't we just talk about this? C'mon, don't do this," he pleaded, dodging yet another kick. At least he had quick reflexes. That could keep him out of her reach for a while now. The Head Boy could see her tears now, her clear anger at the wizarding world for what it had done to her. James didn't blame her.

"Potter, you wouldn't understand! This is all your fault!" She aimed another kick at him, and this time, it hit its mark. He tripped, and fell onto his side on the grassy hilltop. "I hate you!" She shouted at him, before running off, as fast as her short legs would carry her.

James knew better than to try and chase after her. She wasn't listening to what he had to say; why try any harder? Besides, he had already lost her. He shut his eyes as he sat up, trying to recall images of her, happy, the kiss. Anything other than this unbearable heartbreak. A knot growing in his throat, the Seeker opened his eyes, staring out over the town. Everything was so dark now. What was the point in going back? She didn't want to see him again, ever, and James didn't think he could deal with that. Wanting to feel something other than this strange emptiness, he dug his teeth deeper into his lip, breaking the skin. Pain. At least it was something. A trickle of blood ran down his chin, and he wiped it away with one hand. Why did she do this to him? Did she even know? She was killing him slowly, and she was probably enjoying it. "Fuck you," the Head Boy whispered, burying his face in his hands.

The rain poured out of the clouds all at once.

.s.c.

**Author's note: **Yah, don't expect anything this long anytime in the immediate future. In fact, expect something short. But review, and I'll give you something. I want to hit the thirty review mark, (or within two reviews of it) so tell all your friends about my fic.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **Twenty eight reviews total… I was so close. Thanks to everyone for updating… hhfanx2, your review made my day. (And it wasn't a bad day, lol.) I love James too, lol. Been Listening to Howie Day, you should too. I'm done rambling, enjoy the disclaimer. (Kidding, it's frighteningly unoriginal.)

**Frighteningly unoriginal disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter.

.s.c.

Lily returned to Hogwarts immediately, in tears. Dodging teachers and students and she ran through the stone hallways, the redhead made it quickly to Gryffindor Tower. Her sobs never ceased once as she dragged herself up the stairs, totally ignoring the curious looks the first and second years were shooting her. Could this possibly be the same Lily Evans who helped them with their potions and gave them pointers on studying?

Finally, Lily reached the safety of her dormitory and buried herself among the sheets of her bed, pressing her face into her pillow and pulling the covers up around her. Finally, she felt safe, alone in her bed, wrapped up in the warmth of the blankets. She let herself lie there, awake, until Kim and Grace returned, appearing quite worried. It was almost eight o'clock when they returned to the dorm, to find out exactly what had happened. James hadn't reappeared yet, and they didn't want to talk to the 'stupid Head Boy' yet, so… Lily was their only hope. But was she gonna talk?

"Lily, what's the matter?" Grace asked, sitting on the edge of Lily's four-poster. Something incomprehensible was murmured into the pillow. "What was that?" she inquired, peeling the pillow away from the redhead's face.

"Nothing's the matter. He's just a stupid, immature, idiotic little prat, and I hate him!" The words were spoken with such furiosity that Grace frowned and Kim, who was on Lily's other side, mimed for Grace to drop the subject.

Grace decided not to take the blonde's advice. "Potter? Oh yeah, he really is," she agreed. "Once, he took a girl out on a date – just because Black bet that he wouldn't dump her. And then, she was crying the whole next week. He's such a prick, honestly. What'd he do this time?" The brunette hadn't noticed the change in Kim's expression, but the changing feelings in the room were made clear soon enough.

"Sirius did that?" Kim asked incredulously, biting her lip nervously, as if she had been hurt. "I can't…" She stopped mid-sentence, reminding herself that Lily was in a much worse position than she was. She would ask Sirius about this incident later. "Go on, Lily, tell us what he did."

The redhead frowned and turned away. "I don't wanna talk about it." Grace seemed to accept that as an answer and handed the pillow back to Lily. Both of her friends left, and Lily remained in this grievous state for the rest of the weekend, never leaving her dormitory, not even for the nightly after-hour patrol.

.s.c.

Whereas Lily was continually upset over the date, or rather, the last five minutes of the date, James seemed to have entirely forgotten about it. Key word: seemed. Outwardly, he laughed, played pranks, and was his usual self. Inwardly, however, he felt only self-loathing. If only he hadn't said anything about her relationship with Gilderoy. Then she wouldn't have gotten mad at him and run off like that. He had thought that things were going well. Maybe they had even become friends. More than friends, if you wanted to judge by the kiss. But no, he had to go and ruin it, just like he always did.

The only one who seemed to notice a change in the Head Boy was Sirius. Previously, James talked about Lily practically nonstop. Now, he didn't say a thing about her, he didn't seem to care about the pranks, and half the time you were talking to him, he was staring off into space. By the looks of things, he wasn't getting much sleep, either. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he had somehow managed to get an E on the last Transfiguration test, instead of the O's they had all been getting since first year… Furthermore, the Seeker refused to answer any questions regarding the date or the kiss, much to the Marauders' annoyance.

It was for all these reasons that Sirius shook Potter awake at six fifteen on Tuesday morning, silencing the youth's protest. "You've gotta get up – we have stuff to do. You understand. Full moon's this week." It took that phrase alone to rouse James. He was dressed with a single wave of his wand, and both boys were on their way down to breakfast. Except, James realized, the full moon ended Thursday night.

"Er, Sirius? The full moon ended Thursday night. You wanted to talk about something else, didn't you?" Potter's eyes narrowed as Sirius nodded. "Look, I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm supposed to forget about her anyways."

Suddenly, James found himself pressed against the wall, Sirius's hand threatening to close around his throat. "Yeah, you are gonna talk about it, because I'm not gonna let you torment yourself like this. Potter, you're going to tell me everything that happened, and why it's bothering you. Got it?" That said, the taller Gryffindor released James, who moved towards a chair as if nothing had happened.

"Well, she got there late, which sorta made me mad, but that didn't matter once she got there… She never said why she was late, and you know that Lily's never late for anything. Whatever. She started to lay down rules for this date, and that was annoying. I didn't want her treating it as a business transaction. I guess now that that was what I should have done. So anyways, I kissed her, and it was the most incredible kiss I've ever experienced in my life. And she seemed okay with it afterwards, I guess. So we just sat and talked for a while. And then we left the Three Broomsticks, and went for a walk. And then the subject somehow got over to Gilderoy. And she said that he was the best she could do. And I told her that she could to much better – and I don't know. She got mad at me, beat me up, and ran off. I swear, I didn't even do anything? You know, she always was like this. She was always just a bitch. And to think that I wasted seven years of my life on her." James sighed, glad to get that over with. He never caught the flash of red hair heading back up the stairs to the girls' dorms.

"Wow. So you really do hate her, then?" Sirius said quietly, a hint of disappointment. "And here I was, thinking that you'd never give up." He watched the pang of guilt hit the Seeker, silently trying to figure out what would make him change his mind – again.

"I gotta keep my word. She basically asked me to hate her. And that's exactly what I'm doing." The Head Boy rose immediately and walked out of the common room, heading down towards breakfast.

As James left, Lily returned to sight. She had listened in on the conversation, though she couldn't think why she had done it. Sirius was sprawled out on the couch, chewing his tongue as he thought about everything James had just said. How to get them back together… How to get them back together? "Sirius…"

He looked up to see a puffy-eyed redhead leaning over the back of the couch. Black sat up immediately, offering her a smile. "Hey. Are you okay, Evans?" Even now, it was obvious that she had been crying, something that she hadn't been able to fix with her usual dabs of makeup. Yes, Lily Evans looked horrible. And she felt just as bad after James' little speech about her and all her miserable thoughts.

"Do I look okay?" She snapped suddenly, watching Sirius's captivating grey eyes go wide. "I heard everything he said," Lily continued, crossing her arms across her chest. "I got mad because he was telling me what to do." Her voice changed now, to a tone that mimicked James H. Potter almost perfectly. "Stop caring about your reputation. Dump Gilderoy. Go out with me. Do what you really want to do." She stopped there, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, he thinks he's so great. He thinks he's always the victim. And he's never had to deal with half the things I have. He's got everything. He's got the perfect love life – he could have any girl in the whole goddamn school. And nothing seems to matter to him. Look at all his other girlfriends. He never pays a bit of attention to them. He's rich, he has the perfect family. I don't know, Sirius… I don't know what to do." She blinked away tears, feeling the awkward silence between them. "I'd better go…" With that, she escaped through the portrait hole, the same direction James had taken ten minutes earlier.

Sirius sighed. He could see that Lily was scared. But why on earth would she be scared of James? James was about as hazardous as the wrong end of a wand. Hrm. One of Lily's statements stuck out from the rest. _He never pays a bit of attention to them._ It was all starting to make sense. So she didn't want to be with James because she was afraid of being tossed aside? Well, she had certainly been tossed aside, forgotten about. Just like he had promised to do. The seventh year sighed once more, sinking down deeper into the sofa.

Once again, Black was interrupted by a visitor, and this time, it was the one person he really wanted to see. Just as the youth's eyes closed, he felt someone join him on the sofa, their fingers entwining as he opened his eyes. His heart hammered in his chest as he saw her face. Kim McCracken was right next to him on the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room, her body pressed up against his, her face inches from his own. She spoke first. "I hope you didn't sleep down here, Sirius?"

"Nah, I was just up early. Did you sleep well?" He asked in return, his hands leaving hers to wrap around her waist.

"Yeah, actually. I had the most wonderful dream," Kim replied innocently. Her grey eyes, however, had a devilish tint to them, and a smirk graced her features.

"Oh, really? What was this dream about?" Sirius whispered into her ear, unable to guess why her eyes had looked like she was up to something. He never expected what happened next. Her lips were pressed against his, searching his soul for everything that he wanted to give her. He returned the kiss, just as passionately, gaining access to her mouth…

Abruptly, Kim broke the kiss, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "We shouldn't have done that… I mean…"

Sirius was shocked. She had just kissed him, and now she thought that they shouldn't have done it? "Why not?"

"I enjoyed it… I might even want for it to happen again… Oh, hell." Their lips were locked again, and it wasn't until at least ten minutes later that the pair left for breakfast together. Neither Sirius nor Kim realized any of the problems that their togetherness was bound to cause between their respective friends.

.s.c.

It was nearly seven when Sirius and Kim arrived in the Great Hall, and most of the girls sighed. Of course Kim McCracken would be the flavor of the week – she hadn't actually gone out with Sirius as of yet. Kim caught Lily's incredulous stare and shot the redhead a grin as Sirius led her towards the Marauders' usual seats. James was unusually quiet at breakfast, barely speaking as the Marauders questioned a very gleeful Sirius, who made up an incredibly romantic story on the spot. Kim kept laughing, and to be honest, James was about as green as the green giant by the time the post arrived.

Lily had sat away from everyone today, choosing to bury her nose in a book instead of conversing with her friends. Grace and Kim were over with the Marauders, chatting happily. And that was the last place Lily wanted to be. Well, it was until Gilderoy took a seat beside her. "Hi, darling." Hearing those two words, Lily wanted to be over there with the Marauders, locked tightly in the arms of James Potter. This time, there was no denying it. Even having that one disastrous date with James, Lily knew that she much would have been with Potter than Lockhart. Maybe he was right about her reputation. Maybe she should just forget about it.

"Hi." Lily bent closer over her corn flakes, thereby avoiding her boyfriend's good-morning kiss. She stayed this way, silently inhaling her food as he kept sneaking glances at him.

"Um, Lily… We need to talk."

At this statement, Lily groaned and looked up. She knew what was coming – there was no way of avoiding it now. She and Gilderoy were breaking up. "About what?" the redhead asked perkily, forcing a fake smile onto her face.

"Well, you see… I've heard rumors, and I figured… I mean, it's obvious that you're much happier with James than you are with me." He sighed, and she was too much in shock to explain everything. "Lily, this isn't gonna work. We should just end it now, alright?" Gilderoy never left her time to answer the question before he got up and walked away. Lily noted that he sat down right next to Rita Barnett.

As the Head Girl let out a sigh, she realized exactly what had happened. She had been dumped because of Potter and what he must have said. Her eyes filled with tears as she moved towards her friends. Lily spent the rest of breakfast leaning on Grace's shoulder, mourning the loss of a guy she never really cared for. But that wasn't the issue here. The issue was that it was all Potter's fault. And Lily was going to get her revenge – just not yet. She'd wait for something really good.

.s.c.

Again, Lily had underestimated the school's gossiping power. By 8:30, every girl in the school had heard not only that Sirius and Kim were going out – Sirus had made it official at breakfast by asking her to Hogsmeade the weekend before Halloween – but also that James Potter was single (and didn't have his mind set on anyone else). This meant that the Head Boy could barely go anywhere without being followed by a group of prospective girlfriends.

So, by the time classes ended for the day, James was quite sick of being followed. He headed immediately back to the common room, shutting every non-Gryffindor girl out of his life, at least for the moment. Tiredly, he collapsed on the sofa in the middle of the common room, and found himself immediately pelted by questions.

"So why'd you give up?"

"How do you think I'd look in this dress?"

"Do you have a date to Hogsmeade yet?"

"I'll go with you, if you want."

Overwhelmed by the stench caused by too much perfume, James shot the girls glares and practically ran up the stairs to his dormitory, leaving the teenage girls to laugh over him. All except one.

Cadwen O'Brien was the definition of a boyfriend stealer. She was the one girl in the school that no one refused, the one girl in the school who had the nerve to dump Sirius Black. She was already lying on Potter's bed when he walked in the room, and didn't even look up from her book when he dropped his stuff next to the four-poster. Her black hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders, and her blue eyes refused to flit towards James, to let him know that she knew he was there. And if there was anything to be learned from the Lily Evans fiasco, it was that James Potter would pay attention to anyone who didn't give him any attention. Not that Lily Evans was worth his attention – she wasn't even that attractive.

Cadwen, on the other hand… All her clothes matched perfectly, and her makeup was always perfect, as it was now. She was wearing a tight sky-blue tee-shirt and equally tight blue jeans, having changed out of her school robes already. As James cleared his throat to get her attention, the girl paused before shutting her book and looking up. "Oh, hello, Potter."

"Hi, Cadwen," the youth answered quietly, rather annoyed that she was on his bed. James wasn't any stranger to what the girl did to every single guy at Hogwarts, and he wasn't certain he wanted to be her next victim. Still, once she singled you out, there wasn't much you could do about it. Besides, there wasn't a better way to forget about Lily, which was what he was supposed to be doing at the moment. "What are you doing on my bed?" he inquired, keeping his voice even.

"Reading. Would you rather I do something else?" she asked in return, winking at him.

Immediately, Potter felt uncomfortable at the suggestion. Despite the rumors that he was the 'second-greatest shag in the school…' Well, they weren't true. Still, he could play along for a while… "I don't know, what exactly did you have in mind?"

Realizing that James wasn't going to make the first move, Cadwen rose from the bed and walked towards him until their bodies were inches apart. "Didn't your mother tell you about these things, James?" She sighed mockingly. "Ah, well…" She grabbed his shirt collar, pulling his lips towards hers, gently nibbling his lower lip once the kiss began. He was an incredible kisser – not as good as Sirius, but whatever. The seventh-year turned her attention back towards James. His hands were on her waist and back, pulling her right up against him.

Meanwhile…

"Lily, just apologize to him. If he really loved – loves – you, than he'll give you a second chance. He'll understand." It was Grace's voice, speaking to a very distressed, very nervous Lily Evans.

"You're right. I'm just gonna go up there. I just hope he's alone. I think I'd die if I had to say this in front of Remus or Sirius. And Peter – I don't even want to think about it." The redhead forced a laugh before turning towards the stairs to the boys' dorms. The climb to the top felt as if it would last forever, and finally Lily found herself face-to-face with the heavy oak door of the seventh-year dorm. It had been left half-way open. She peeked around the door, to see the worst thing possible. There he was, making out with that slut! Cadwen O'Brien! She thought Potter had more sense than to stoop that low. Frustrated and angry, Lily backed out of the room, back into the plain wall, her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

.s.c.

**AN:** And that was how Lily Evans died… No, I'm totally kidding. She's just gonna have quite a bit to work through. Remus should come up and comfort her at the beginning of the next chapter. Question is, should James see them, or should he be too busy making out with Cadwen? After all, that's all she's good for. Review, and I shall update, I promise. This has sort of gotten me inspired – that it ended on a (sort of) cliffhanger and all. Poor Lils. Oh, and I have to say this: HBP rocks! Read it! And review my story!


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: **Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews! I hit the forty mark, and I am oh-so-proud of myself. So proud, in fact, that I managed to get this up before three days passed. Aren't you proud? Of course you are. Hhfanx2, your four-paragraph! review made my day again (how could it not) and I'd like to thank you for your continuous support of this lovely fic. Note to all: go read my other fic, Shattered Hearts and review so that I feel inspired enough to go update it… Someone told me I'm not updating my stories consistently… So I have to get chapter three up there. Anyways, enjoy chapter seven.

**Disclaimer: **I OWN NOTHING!

.s.c.

James, with his quick reflexes and sharp hearing (it made up for his horrible eyesight), heard the creak of the door and jumped out of Cadwen's arms. What was he doing? Snogging a girl for no reason? But he did have a reason, he quickly reminded himself. He was doing this to get back at Lily. But why was she mad at him to begin with? It wasn't quite comprehensible, and he knew that he could never really forget about the redhead, despite what she had asked him to do. Despite the fact that she hated him, and she probably always would. It made him sick that he had kissed her back, that he had enjoyed it. But this was what Lily had wanted him to do. He was just going through with the deal. If only they could both be happy – James would have done anything to make Lily happy, and that was what he thought he was doing now. That was his only comfort. Still, it wasn't quite enough to quell the nausea and guilt rising in his stomach. "What the hell was that?"

"Oh, come on, James…" Cadwen pressed herself closer against him, pulling him back towards her. "Do you really believe that you didn't enjoy that?" He showed no signs that he was going to answer. "Stop doing everything you do for her – she said herself that she hated you. C'mon, it'll be okay." She hugged him, and their lips met again, distracting James from the soft sounds coming from outside the door.

Lily stayed on the step outside the boys' dormitory for what seemed like quite a while, listening to Cadwen comfort James. Her James… No, it wasn't like that. It never had been, and it never would be now, thanks to her own stupidity and pride. Lily couldn't take it. Was this what she had done to him for the past seven years? Was this what heartbreak felt like? Her thoughts were interrupted by a warm presence to her right, that of one Remus Lupin. He was quite possibly the one Marauder who Lily approved of, the one Marauder that her reputation might allow her to go out with. Her reputation. It was all because of her stupid reputation that she was in this mess.

Still, the comfort that Remus 'Moony' Lupin was able to provide for her was unnerving. Once he had sat down beside her and made her explain everything, he just hugged her as a friend would, thinking everything over in his mind. It was something Lily really appreciated, just as she appreciated his words of advice. "Well, Lily… I don't think this is the kind of thing that will just fix itself – obviously, both of you are hurting…" He felt her shuddering breath against his neck. "He probably just wants to forget about you because that's what you asked him to do. I know Cadwen, and she's not gonna let him go. He'll probably stick with her for quite a while now, unless you can go in there right now and get him back. But you hurt him, he hurt you. I guess you're even now, Lils."

"But I don't want to be even," she whispered, holding on more tightly to Lupin, as if he was anchoring her to this world. "I want to be able to go in there and steal him back."

"You still might have a --." Remus was cut off as the door creaked open and Cadwen walked down the stairs towards the common room, to share her 'James Potter' experience with every girl in the common room.

James followed her to the door, but he didn't watch Cadwen go. Instead, his jealous gaze was focused entirely on Lily, still locked in Moony's embrace. "Lily, Remus. How pleasant to see you two together like this."

Instantly, Lily had disentangled herself from the lanky youth beside her, and was blocking James' escape route down the stairs. "Who the hell do you think you are? You owe me at least some measure of courtesy, James." James. She had called him James. "Look, I know we've done some bad things to each other, but I don't think we need to bring anyone else into our argument. And you're certainly not benefiting by dragging one of your friends in." She paused, staring into his eyes, her hands reaching towards his shirt. "Don't you see? I don't know what to do with you…" She initiated the kiss this time, her hands on her collar, her body pressed up against his. She felt his hands on her waist, and she found herself running fingers through his hair. He broke the kiss.

"Lily, you'd make a good speech writer." Without another word, he pushed past her down the steps towards the common room, a cloak made of a silvery substance tucked under one arm.

She collapsed back against Lupin, her eyes watering, her head resting against his chest as she refused to be comforted. Why did this have to happen to her? Why did Potter have to torment her like this? Why couldn't they just be happy, like the fairy tales said. Lily pulled herself from the thought. Fairy tales were fake. They were just stories. Stories were just dreams. And not all dreams come true.

.s.c.

James wasn't seen again by any of the Marauders until after dinner, when he arrived back in the seventh-year boys dormitories unaccompanied, his hair more mussed than usual. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were all lying on their beds, and James knew from the second he walked in the room that he was in for a lecture of some sort. Otherwise, why would all three of his friends be in the room? To plan a prank? That wasn't a possibility, judging by the solemn expressions on each face. Resigned to his fate, the Head Boy let out a sigh and crossed the room to the spot next to his bed where he and Cadwen had snogged earlier that day. He glanced back towards the door, savoring the memory of Lily's words to him.

He hated himself now, for refusing her, for ignoring how that kiss had felt to him. Casting the internal argument from his mind, James flopped down across his four-poster, his stomach hitting the soft blankets.

"So, James, I heard that you were going out with Cadwen O'Brien," Sirius said solemnly from across the room, his eyes planted firmly on an article in the middle of 'Seventh Year' Magazine. "And you lied to me."

James never had a chance to protest this. Lupin interrupted him before he had a chance. "And I saw how you treated her – if that's what you do to her, she deserves far better than you could ever give her." The werewolf watched Prongs' fists clench, and tried to ignore the hostile motion. "You could have been a little more sensitive – she was already feeling like shit. You're mad at her, and Gilderoy broke up with her because you kissed her when you two went to Hogsmeade."

"I saw her downstairs – she was crying, and she wouldn't stop," Peter added in his usual squeak. "And she's been like this since Saturday."

James sighed. "Well, what do you want me to say? I couldn't just take her back – I've been hurt too many times, and I'm not gonna take that risk again." He watched as Sirius looked up from his magazine, grey eyes narrowed dangerously. This was definitely going to be a major argument, their first since Sirius had decided to sabotage Snivellus…

James proved to be right. "Well, James, for starters, you could say something a little more fucking insensitive. Just make her feel a little worse about herself. You could have at least said something to her other than 'You'd make a good speech writer,' and you could STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME! TO ALL OF US, IN FACT!" He stopped, chest heaving with anger. The room was totally silent for more than a minute, the tension cut only by the ticking of a grandfather clock in the corner. When Sirius spoke again, his voice had returned to a normal level. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but you've got to stop doing this. I'm worried about what she might do to herself because of you, and I know you don't want that on your conscience, Prongs."

"Well, Black," Potter replied contemptuously, practically spitting out the name. "I don't know what's gotten into you. What is this about, anyways? For years, you've been telling me to get over the bitch, and now it's the complete opposite." He didn't notice that Remus winced at the sound of the strong word. "I'm not lying to you, and I haven't been. Now do you have anything relevant to say, or is this all just a bunch of shit about how you want to manage my love life?"

"You should at least apologize to her," Lupin interjected quietly, never expecting Potter's subsequent mental breakdown.

"Apologize? YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE TO HER? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I'M NOT APOLOGIZING TO SOMEONE WHO BROKE MY HEART EVERY DAY FOR SEVEN YEARS. I'M SICK OF CHASING AFTER HER, AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN! I can't take it anymore." That said (or shouted), James closed his eyes, but he could still feel the tears running down his cheeks. His voice cracked as he said his final "Good night." The Marauders had gotten a message through, but it wasn't necessarily the one they were looking for. The Head Boy slipped himself beneath the blankets in one swift movement, drawing the curtains surrounding his bed with one flick of his wand. There were no comforts for confused teenagers in the middle of the night.

Least comforting of all was his friends' discussion, which resumed around eleven, once they were certain James had fallen asleep. Unluckily, he hadn't, and was forced to listen in on the entirety on their conversation.

"That didn't go quite like I expected," Lupin offered quietly, his eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Not really," Black replied sarcastically, running a hand through his ebony hair. "You know, one would think that he'd want to be happy, and I think he was when he loved Lily. This has got to be killing him that he's not letting himself go out with her."

"You've seen it too, then? He seemed so… so drawn. He obviously still loves her – she kissed him, and -" Remus was interrupted by a furious Sirius Black.

"She what? She kissed him, and he didn't do anything? This has got to be the stupidest thing I've heard in my entire life!" They all glanced towards Potter's bed, hoping that he hadn't woken up.

"Well, he kissed her back, but then he got mad at himself for kissing her – is he going out with Cadwen? I mean, officially?"

"Yeah," Black replied tiredly. "Little bitch, that one. I'm guessing that Potter's not gonna let her go, either. She's probably the best kisser he's ever been with. Knows how to hold on to guys, too." James, feigning sleep, shifted uncomfortably. Cadwen wasn't the best kisser he'd been with – that was Lily. Whatever. Black was probably just bitter over the fact that Cadwen had dumped him last year after he had lost the privilege of Hogsmeade weekends halfway through the year. Still, did that make it okay to insult your best friend's girlfriend? Potter thought otherwise.

.s.c.

The talk in the girls' dormitory was much more emotionally vicious. Lily shared her room with five other Gryffindors, only two of whom she liked. Grace's and Kim's beds were on the same wall as hers, and her enemies on the opposite wall. Cadwen, as well has her two followers, were chatting animatedly about James Potter across the room. Lily was having a difficult time containing her emotions.

"Oh my God, you're dating James Potter! That's wonderful! How'd it happen?"

Cadwen half-lied, to make it sound as if she hadn't seduced him. "Well, I guess he was feeling lonely, so we were talking, and then we got to the dormitory stairs, and I was going to go, but he said it was fine if I came up, so I did. And then, he just started kissing me. God, it was incredible. And if someone kisses me, then we're going out, as you well know."

The girls to each side giggled. Lily couldn't even remember their names, just the fact that they didn't seem to even have brains at their disposal. "Wow, that's so romantic. Exactly how far did you go?"

"Two and a half," Cadwen replied, without a blush on her face. "I really didn't want to ruin his innocence. Honestly, he seems so sweet, as if he's never chased after a girl besides…" She drifted off, aware that Lily was in the room. Yes, this whole conversation had been planned to make the redhead feel terrible about herself, and it had worked, on a whole. Lily sank down under the covers, trying to ignore the nausea she felt just thinking of her argument with Potter. It wasn't right.

"Wow. But what about Sean McCormack?"

"I can't stop doing my astronomy tutoring, you know. I suppose I'll still have to meet him. James'll understand."

Just as that sentence left Cadwen's mouth, the echo of shouts could be heard throughout the room. Potter's voice, screaming about how he couldn't apologize her, didn't want to, and never would. Everyone in the room became silent immediately. Hearing the end of his tirade, Lily was in tears, tears she hid by falling asleep.

Her dreams were haunted, though she never felt the presence of the dream. Now she found that she missed it. Just like she missed Potter. No. She didn't like Potter. He was an immature prat, and she certainly didn't miss that dream. Lily told herself this so much that she started to believe it. Deep underneath this lie, however, the truth still lurked…

.s.c.

The next day, James rose silently, ignoring Sirius's half-worried, half-cold glare that he earned from the bed across the room. He failed to sit with the Marauders at breakfast, or even show up for the first meal of the day. Cadwen was left to set next to a bevy of prospective boyfriends, answering questions about James. Lily spent breakfast putting the finishing touches on the Transfiguration Essay she hadn't had the heart to finish the night before. Every time her eyes flitted around in search of Potter, she forced them back to the parchment in front of her. Potter could rot in hell for all she cared.

James did attend all his classes that day – Lily made sure of that much. She trained herself not to look at him whenever possible, and deliberately sat as far away from him as possible. Obviously, he had forgotten about her, but Lily never thought that she would be forced to do the same to him. She had never guessed that James Potter would be so hard to get out of her mind. Still, even by avoiding him, Lily easily noticed that the Marauders weren't on the best of terms. None of them had spoken to Potter the whole day, and she felt slightly sorry for him because of this. Through all her stupid relationship issues, there had never been a time when her friends refused to talk to her because of who she was dating.

Whatever. Potter was a prick – he deserved this, not only for dating Cadwen O'Brien, but also for the cruelty he had dealt to Lily since Sunday morning. His friends could see that, why couldn't he? Lily thought back to Cadwen's horrible conversation the previous evening, and the truth struck her.

She was cheating on him.

.s.c.

James pressed himself closer against the cold stone wall, his lanky body concealed by his invisibility cloak. The cloak had been a gift from his father the Christmas he arrived at Hogwarts in first year. After that, he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had devoted their time to exploring the castle by night, drawing the first plans for the Marauders' map. That wasn't important now, though. Sirius, Remus, and Peter weren't talking to him, and there was a group of pureblood Slytherins just around this corner, talking nonchalantly.

Among those in the group were Snape, Bellatrix and Regulus Black, Lestrange, Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, etc. It was obvious to James that these individuals would not be gathered here unless they were planning something. They certainly weren't having a tea party.

"No, we can attack all of them, but Evans is mine. Do you all understand me?" Bellatrix spoke angrily, more than a hint of hate in her voice.

"Can't we lure the Marauders in too?" Crabbe inquired, interested.

"I want to get Potter back. This wouldn't be a bad way to do it – extinguish all the older Gryffindors at once. They'll have to find new Head Students." There were sinister laughs all around in response to Snape's words. "Question is, how do we lure them there?"

"Anonymous owls," came Regulus's quick response. "And leave my brother," he spat the word, "to me."

"All right, then. Snape, you can do the necessary paperwork, right? Astronomy tower, midnight on Friday?" There were murmers of agreement in response to this voice.

"The Dark Lord shall be pleased." Hearing this last statement, James hurried off in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room. He was scared, though not for himself. Lily was the one person on his mind. Even worse, after the way he had treated her last night, she would never listen to him in the one thing that mattered. She was leaving him no other choice but to tail her all week, despite what anyone else said. But what if Cadwen said something? He would die without this one distraction, he was certain. There was simply no other option – he would make Lily believe him, and if she didn't, he would keep her occupied in the common room at midnight on Friday.

.s.c.

**Author's note: **Yay for chapter seven! It's sorta-kinda long, I guess. Well, not really. This was written in three days – you should all express how proud you are of me by reviewing. (wink, wink.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: **This is a long, interesting chapter. I'm not supposed to be posting it, but that's okay. (shifty eyes) Thanks yet again to hhfanx2 (Are you SURE you don't have the master plan to my fics?) and my beta, Maria Overlook. By the way, all of you who read the excerpt I stuck in the A/N of Shattered Hearts have an idea of what happens… Do I need to stick another one in to get more reviews? (I hope not.) Anways, this is Maria's welcome-back-from-camp chapter, so… Everyone needs to review. I am thoroughly disappointed in all of you. What is wrong with the world? Only six reviews for my fabulous chapter six? Just kidding. Anyways, on to the story.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it.

.s.c.

James hurried back to the Gryffindor Common Room immediately, still clad in the invisibility cloak he had used for his exploring, spying, and getting away from the world. Dodging bodies in the common room, he used his quick reflexes to his advantage as he hurried towards the stairs leading up to the boys' dormitories. Even if the other three Marauders weren't speaking to him, he was going to talk to them. This was too important for them to allow a minor argument to get in the way. Besides, they would be happy – he was sort of acting as if he cared about Lily.

Well, he sort of did care about her, but as nothing more than friends, ever. Hell, he wasn't sure if they were even friends. Not that he wanted them to be, but… Oh, forget it. He didn't care about Lily, but no one deserved to be killed by a horde of Slytherin Death Eaters before they even left school. James had no doubt that was what was planned for Lily, for Sirius, for Remus, for himself, and for anyone else who was going to receive one of the anonymous letters.

When the Head Boy reached the door to his dorm, he took a swift look around, took off the invisibility cloak, and stepped inside the red and gold decorated room. When he walked in, Remus didn't even look up, and the glare of intense disapproval Sirius shot him made Potter shudder. He almost lost his nerve, and that said a lot, seeing as he was James Potter, notorious for his daring actions. He flopped across his bed, biting his lip, where he stayed for almost a minute, gathering his wits. "I've been eavesdropping. There's something you need to hear."

"Oh?" Sirius replied coldly, not even glancing up from his copy of Witches' Weekly. "And what is it that we need to hear? I hope it's not about the disaster you call a life."

James bit his lip to prevent himself from yelling at Sirius. He was silent for a moment before replying in a voice that was just as frigid. "No, it's not. It's about Lily." This got both their attention, and the Seeker didn't miss Black's apologetic look. "Well, it's about all of us. As I was saying, I was eavesdropping on the Slytherins – Bellatrix, Regulus, Lestrange, Snape – all of them were there. All the purebloods. They've got a plan to get revenge on us – I don't trust them not to murder someone, and anyways, it's my duty as Head Boy to thwart their mischief-making plans."

Across the room, Sirius Black let out a snort of amusement. Who was Potter kidding? If he really planned on taking his Head Boy's duty to stop mischief seriously, then he wouldn't have planted a dungbomb in Snape's bag the previous week, and he wouldn't have sabotaged Lily's little escapade with Gilderoy. Of course, it all turned out the same in the end: Lily hated James, James hated Lily. There really was no hope for either of them.

James realized that he was making excuses, and that neither Remus nor Sirius was buying them, but he didn't really care. As long as he could get away with not really saying or admitting anything about Lily, he would be fine. Everything would be fine. Finally, he took a deep breath and continued. "Anyways, they're going to ambush us. We're each going to be sent an anonymous owl telling us some important reason to go to the Astronomy Tower at midnight on Friday. When we get there, there's going to be a rather large number of Slytherins there, waiting to ambush us. Which is why we can't let anyone out of the common room on Friday night. If they go, they're bound to get hurt, and I'm not going to allow that to happen. So, here's the deal. I'm guessing that the people who'll get invited are us three, Lily, Grace, possibly Kim… Basically any seventh year Gryffindor who is considered a blood-traitor or 'impure.' I guess that makes all of us. I just don't know if they'll believe us." He paused. "Do you believe me?"

Sirius considered for a moment. "Is my brother," he spat the word, "involved?" James nodded, watching his friend's eyes narrow. "Then I'm in. If he hurts anyone from this house, I swear I'll kill him." Black never caught the dark look Remus and James exchanged; Sirius had never quite lost the influence his family had cast over him in his childhood. "But tell me, how do you plan on convincing Lily to stay here? She's quite stubborn from what I hear."

That was one thing James hadn't considered. "I… I don't know."

"Well, James, you know what you could do? You could take her back, and --"

Remus was cut off by Potter himself. "I have a girlfriend – both of you know that. I like her, and she likes me. We're taking things slowly – I don't want to rush into anything right now. Now, you can accept that, or not. Cadwen isn't who everyone seems to think she is, alright? I wish you two wouldn't yell at me for giving up on a girl. We'll find a way to keep Lily in the common room, and if we can't, I'll follow her. Are you happy?"

"You'd look so much better with Lily, you know," Sirius mumbled before returning to his magazine. He was now officially worried about Kim. If she were to receive an invitation, what was there to prevent her from going off on her own, from finding herself face-to-face with a group of unfriendly purebloods, from dying. He had to smother emotions at the very thought. No, Kim couldn't die – he'd die without her. How to keep the blonde in the Gryffindor Common Room on Friday night? He wasn't interested in her as just another girl – finding a broom closet somewhere was no longer an option for Sirius Black. And yet, Kim was very independent. If he tried to warn her, she'd probably just dismiss it as being overprotective. Still, there was something in Padfoot that was determined to keep her alive, even if it meant his own death. Was this what James had felt for Lily those seven long years? And to think he had given it all up…

.s.c.

Monday morning at breakfast, Lily, who rarely got any owls at all, received not one, but two letters the next morning at breakfast. She recognized one of the owls as that of James Potter, which meant that it hardly deserved her time. Still, she took it out of its envelope and let her eyes fall across the simple, unadorned handwriting. Out of pure habit, he had dotted the 'i' in her name with a heart. It was a habit he didn't intend on breaking, no matter who he dated. You couldn't just stop loving someone without a second thought, without horrible repercussions, without a horrendous loss of sleep.

_Lily,_

_Meet me in the Head's Meeting Room tonight at 8:30 before our patrol – we have some things to work out._

_James._

To Lily's surprise, it was a simple letter that requested a meeting. In Lily's extensive experience on Potter, this meant that either whatever the Head Boy had to say was too important to state in a simple letter, or that he was looking for a make-out session. Well, she certainly wasn't going to give in to that, no matter what she had to do to herself to prevent herself from kissing him. She refused to become one of those girls who worshipped James Potter, who would do anything for him. She didn't want to become another Cadwen O'Brien. She didn't want to be one of those girls who he could let go without a second thought.

The other letter was more fascinating to Lily. This handwriting was unrecognizable to her, which made it all the more intriguing. And it certainly wasn't Potter – he always wrote his own letters. This handwriting was more ornate, and it was missing the little heart above the 'i.' Lily sighed, her eyes scanning the paper over again.

_Lily,_

_Meet me in the astronomy tower Friday at midnight. Come alone – I'll be savoring every minute Potter isn't with you._

Lily smiled – so she had a secret admirer, someone she could use to make James jealous. Or maybe she should just forget about Potter entirely. After all, as he had shown earlier in the week, he didn't give a damn about what happened to her. Therefore, it stood to good reason that she would meet whoever this gentleman who sent her the letter was, and possibly even kiss him? Lily never anticipated how much that thought would disgust her by the time she met her 'secret admirer.'

.s.c.

When Lily arrived at the Head's meeting room that night, Potter was already there. He was curled up in a chair, a rather heavy book perched on his lap. Lily couldn't stifle her smile at the strange sight. "What's this? James Potter can read?"

He laughed with her, but only for a moment. He didn't trust himself alone with Lily. He hadn't told anyone where he was going when he left the common room – not Sirius, not Remus, and certainly not Cadwen. James had found that she could be quite jealous, and he despised the way she had to baby-sit him when there was another girl around. Still, James managed to dismiss this feeling as nerves, telling himself that it was just because their relationship was news. "I'm doing research for a prank," he replied, a hint of impishness in his voice. Then, he smiled the sad smile that she loved, never knowing what it did to her.

Lily felt her stomach flip when she saw Potter's smile. She hated him for what he did. James Potter, the greatest prat ever to walk the earth made her feel like kissing him… Or possibly going further… And she hated her hormones for making her think about guys like this. "Yeah… um, why'd you send me that owl, anyways?"

"Because of that other owl you got. It's a hoax. Look, let me explain. The Slytherins are trying to lure you out of the common room on Friday night so that they can do I don't know what to you." He sighed, knowing that she didn't believe him. Her eyes changed to a defiant expression, and the Head Boy knew that the battle was already lost. "So, since I don't want you to get hurt, I'm going to have to ask you to stay in the common room on Friday night. Please, Evans?" His eyebrow's furrowed, and the concern in his voice was obvious, but it wasn't quite enough.

"You're saying that you care about me?" Lily retorted. He nodded. She laughed coldly. "You're happy with Cadwen, off snogging her every few seconds, so why should I listen to you? I know you, James – you're a possessive, egotistical, spoiled little brat, and I can't deal with that. How much is one owl going to do? I'm going to meet this guy, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"It's not a guy, Lily! It's a bunch of Slytherins who wouldn't think twice about killing you!" James shouted, his chest heaving from the effort of trying not to scream at her that she didn't understand.

"Don't be stupid, Potter. Stop being jealous. I gave you a second chance and you were unbelievably rude to me. I'm not going to swallow any more of this shit you think I'll believe like everyone else does." She paused. "Besides, why on earth would the Slytherins want to attack me?"

"Because you're a Mudblood!" James yelled, and they both fell into shocked silence as the world hung tensely in the air. James had shut his eyes, cursing himself for the word that had seemed to just slip off his tongue. He never said that word, having gotten beaten half to death by his father as a six-year-old after he heard it from Lucius Malfoy.

_Slap._ James made no move to avoid the blow – he honestly felt like he deserved it. He deserved to be beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die. However, what Lily did to him was probably much worse. "I had no idea you were such a fucking fraud!" _Slap._ "You pretend that you're all great and noble and stuff! You think that no one sees what you're really like!" As he stood up, the Head Boy felt her foot collide with his shin. He shut his eyes against the pain, but that couldn't keep him from hearing what she said. "I honestly thought you were an okay guy. Obviously, I was wrong." She slapped him hard before turning on her heel and stalking angrily out of the Heads' meeting room, her chin held up defiantly.

James watched her go before collapsing to his knees, miserable. Her words still rang through his ears. _I honestly thought you were an okay guy…_ How could he have been so stupid? Why did he have to fall for the unattainable Lily Evans? Why couldn't he seem to forget about her? Why was it that every time he came close to getting her out of his mind, she came waltzing back? He sighed; it was a miserable sound, one that he almost didn't believe that he had made. Why did she do this to him? Why had he said that one forbidden word? One thing was certain: Lily wasn't going to have anything to do with James after this. He'd just have to make to with snogging Cadwen. That was exactly what Potter planned to do before his patrol started at nine… Maybe he'd find them a broom closet somewhere…

.s.c.

James never told Sirius and Remus just how badly his attempts to speak with Lily had gone, only that they had gone badly. In his despair, the Head Boy had spent even more time snogging Cadwen. In fact, she had persuaded him into a broom closet during the middle of their after-lunch break that Wednesday, though it remained a mystery as to just how much had happened while they were in that particular broom closet – the one on the fifth floor. Surprisingly enough, Cadwen had almost ceased gossiping entirely, and Lily had been unable to glean any information on the subject from her nightly conversations with her ditzy companions.

Instead, all she heard about was Sean McCormack. Apparently, their little escapades in the Astronomy Tower were quite good – for Cadwen, that was. Poor James had no idea of what she had been doing the whole time the couple had been dating. And if Cadwen had anything to say about it, things would stay that way – he never would know. Lily contained the urge to ruin Potter's relationship as that would suggest that she cared. Still, the desire to make him miserable remained strong.

Lily, Kim, and Grace stayed awake long after the gossiping ditzes had fallen asleep. It was Friday, and there were fifteen more minutes to midnight. By Lily's calculations, they would need to leave now to travel across the castle undetected. She rose from her bed silently, pulling a plain black cloak around her shoulders for warmth before she moved to shake Kim and Grace awake. They left immediately, walking down into what they believed to be an empty common room. The Head Girl took one swift look around before she moved towards the portrait hole.

James Potter was leaning idly against the wall just inside the portrait hole, gazing at Lily with a slightly amused look on his face. Lily couldn't prevent her heart from beating faster at the sight of him, despite all the energy she had put into hating the youth since Monday night. She had, of course, told Kim and Grace all about the confrontation in the Heads' meeting room. "Evans. McCracken. Chester." He acknowledged them with a nod, and Lily paused, uncertain whether or not he would let them pass. "You know, I could put all three of you in detention for trying to sneak out after-hours. Now, if you all head straight back to bed, I'll pretend that you were never here."

"Potter, you can't put us in detention," Lily replied, though her doubt was clear in her voice. "Step aside, we're in a hurry."

"I'm Head Boy, Evans. I am allowed to put students in detention – or much worse, for that matter." He paused, letting the information sink in. "Now, you can go back to bed and I'll forget about it, but you are not going through this portrait hole."

"Yes, we are," Lily answered, sounding more confident this time around. She moved to simply walk past him, her nose in the air. She never expected what came next. James grabbed both her wrists and pushed her up against the wall where he had been leaning casually the second before. A shocked expression formed on her face, and her emerald eyes filled with fear.

He forced himself to ignore this expression – he was doing this for Lily's benefit. "No, you're not. You're going straight back up to your dorm and going to sleep. Is that understood?" Once the redhead had nodded meekly, Potter released her, and she began to walk slowly back towards the stairs.

Halfway there, Lily swung around, her wand raised. "Petrificus Totalus!" she smiled as his legs snapped together and his arms were instantly glued to his sides. "C'mon, let's go." With that, the three girls departed for the Astronomy tower, wondering who had invited them there.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had stepped off the stairs the moment the girls had left. As they reached the portrait hole, Remus pointed his wand towards James and muttered the counter-hex. "Are you okay, Prongs?"

"Yah, I'm fine. We need to get going – if anything happens to them, I'll never forgive myself." He pushed open the portrait hole yet again and set off at a run after the girls. In their rush, the boys made a bit more noise than they meant to. There were several obstacles for them to avoid now: Peeves the Poltergeist, Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's ancient cat, and Professor McGonnagal, whose voice, along with that of the Headmaster, could be heard on some of the staircases. In any case, the Marauders' bad luck could have been deadly for any of the girls. Luckily, when the boys arrived on the stairs, Lily, Kim, and Grace were still in one piece. However, gleeful voices could be heard from the shadows of the stairs; James had decided it was best to hang back, at least for the moment.

"So I see you fell for our little trick – that was clever of us, wasn't it?" The voice belonged to Bellatrix Black, who seemed to be the ringleader of the group. Lily was holding her wand defiantly out, determined to fight the Slytherins to the death, if it came to that. So Potter had been right, and she had ignored his warnings – both of them. She was praying for someone to come to her rescue, to get her out of this horrid mess. Unfortunately, the one person who might have come was lying on the floor, paralyzed, or so Lily thought. The redhead trembled, refusing to acknowledge Black by answering her question. They were outnumbered almost four to one, Lily guessed, and she was honestly, truly scared. If only they had listened to James…

Kim answered for Lily. "Well, you're also clever enough to walk around proclaiming your own superiority without anything to back it up, so who knows? I mean, it's really a shame you couldn't take us on when there're people around to see you do it. Perhaps you're too afraid to take any of us on in a real duel?"

The Slytherins laughed, a cold, sinister sound that made the hairs stand up on the back of James's neck as he hid out of sight. Sirius had to be yanked back down into the stairway, as he had almost gone running out, hexing his cousin. However, even James knew that the element of surprise would be critical here; even if the Marauders were to help the girl there would still be twice the number of Slytherins.

"Well, why don't we take you in a real duel now, then?" Regulus Black never gave either of the girls time to respond before casting his first spell, aimed at Grace. "Iglesia!" She tripped on imaginary ropes as the phantom cords wrapped around her ankles. As she fell, both Kim and Lily moved to fight back.

"Expelliarmus! Stupefy!"

Bravely, the girls continued to fight the Slytherins, not giving up as the hexes became more and more sinister. It was only once James heard a forbidden curse that he, Remus, and Sirius joined the fray.

"Crucio!" Someone shouted, and suddenly Kim was rolling across the floor, screaming in pain.

"Expelliarmus!" Sirius shouted from across the room, and the wand of Rodolphus Lestrange was instantly in his hand. He fought his way towards Kim, shooting hexes at the people he had spent every Christmas since birth with. If he wasn't careful, he wouldn't be seeing them again, let alone spending Christmas with them.

Across the room, James was locked in a battle to the death with Bellatrix Black. So far, he had managed to block most of her hexes, but he was sporting a deep cut directly to the right of his right eye. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily, waging what looked to be a losing battle against Severus Snape and Avery. Deliberately, Potter backed away from Black, so that he might have a chance of saving Lily from what looked like certain defeat. And if she was defeated, what would they do to her? Already, she was having difficulty defending herself against two rather accomplished wizards. James groaned as one of Bellatrix's hexes hit him like a fist into his stomach. He took a step back, shooting another hex at Sirius's cousin. His thoughts weren't on this duel; he was more concerned for Lily's well-being than his own at the moment.

Finally, he was only about two meters away from Evans, and moving closer. They could help each other out. They needed to band together and fight these Slytherin Death Eaters together, or they would never survive. Finally, James found himself directly at her side, just as Snape yelled and aimed a spell at Lily. "Sectumsempra!" the Slytherin shouted, and James moved in front of the redhead as the spell shot towards them. He never anticipated the damage it would do. He looked shocked that he had been hit, his chest and face bursting open to spurt blood as he dizzily tried to find his way back up. He staggered backwards for a moment, before collapsing to his knees and finally falling to the ground.

The room went totally silent.

.s.c.

**Author's note: **I hope you liked it. And this time, I want to hit sixty. You're not going to find out what happens to James, Lily, Sirius, etc. until I have sixty reviews total. Is that understood? Good! Now review. And I am sticking in an excerpt.

**Excerpt: **"Look, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here! What do I need to do to get that through your head?"

**More notes: **Now you could see that from several perspectives right now. For the record, that was James talking. However, I'm not telling you who he's talking to or why he's saying that and under what circumstances. Comments? Questions? Review!


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: **Okay, first of all, I'd like to make it clear that it is not my fault that this has been posted so late. (That would be my beta's fault.) Just because she just got back from camp… Anyways, thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews. I'd especially like to thank hhfanx2 (I love your really long reviews!), xLynex (I hate that fiction isn't real, too.), SingMeNething91, Mercutio's Heir (It's one of the perks of being an authoress: making you all hang off a cliff for the next week and a half) and Maria Overlook, the lovely beta (Sketch out!). I probably wouldn't keep posting if it weren't for my daily dose of reviews, lol. I'd like to thank all my reviewers. By the way, since I don't have much of chapter 10 written yet, we're aiming for eighty reviews. XD. Enjoy Chapter nine.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter doesn't belong to me.

.s.c.

Two professors had just walked into the tower. The Slytherins were making no attempt at innocence; they were simply staring at both Dumbledore and McGonnagal, who were standing calmly on the doorway. Well, seemingly calmly. Lily was perched next to James, sobbing as she attempted to staunch the blood that continued to flow freely out of his chest. Sirius had stopped fighting in order to hug Kim, and both Grace and Remus were standing awkwardly in the middle of things, staring down at the limp, pale body that used to be James. Seeing the Head Boy, Dumbledore knelt down beside him, tracing his wand over the deep wounds in the youth's chest. There was an incantation, one that sounded almost like a song, and Dumbledore felt for a pulse. "Mobilicorpus." Immediately, James's body rose above the ground, as if on a stretcher, and began to move towards the hospital wing. "Miss Evans, go with him. The rest of you, I want you in the Transfiguration classroom _now_." The students nodded and departed, supervised by McGonnagal's watchful eyes.

When Lily arrived in the hospital wing, following Potter's limp form, she was still sobbing. Her clothes were drenched in his blood, and she was bleeding from a cut on her chin where a loose stone of some sort had hit her. However, that was a minute detail now – James was dying, and it was all her fault. If she hadn't gone out that night, then none of this would have happened. She would be in bed, wondering if James hated her, but that would be better than this. What if he died? It would be all her fault. She watched as James was moved onto one of the clean beds of the hospital wing, as Madame Pomfrey, the new nurse at Hogwarts, administered to his various wounds. Meanwhile, Lily simply collapsed into a chair, tears streaming down her cheeks. This really was all her fault.

It wasn't long before Professor Dumbledore arrived in the hospital wing and took the seat beside Lily. They both watched Madame Pomfrey work in silence, and the Head Girl chanced several glances towards the white-bearded professor in order to decide whether or not he was actually angry at her for what she had done. His blue eyes shone with an intensity she hadn't seen before, and it didn't look good. However, the redhead still couldn't determine whether or not he was mad at her, or at someone else. She hoped it was the latter; she wasn't sure she could stand facing Potter like this, let alone the Headmaster's anger. However, it didn't seem as though the professor wanted to talk about Potter at the moment. "Are you alright?" She managed to nod slowly, wiping away the rest of her tears with the back of a bloody hand. "Do you think you could tell me what happened?"

"He knew it was gonna happen. James, that is. He said they were planning it – the Slytherins… I'm not making very much sense, am I?" Lily asked, still shaken from the night's ordeal.

"No, go on," the wizard encouraged her, his blue-eyed gaze softening a bit.

"I don't know how he knew, but he told me exactly what they were going to do. They were going to lure a bunch of Gryffindors to the Astronomy tower and ambush us. So they sent me, Kim, and Grace owls, and we were curious, and I had decided to ignore Potter's warnings, so we went up to the astronomy tower… By the time we got there, the Slytherins were waiting, and of course we were gonna fight back. And then James, Sirius, and Remus were there – I don't know when they got there exactly. And then there was this spell hurtling towards me, and James – he saved me," Lily finished, glancing towards the youth lying prostrate in the hospital bed. Her lip still trembled, but she refused to cry. Once again, her reputation came into play; she was Lily Evans, the girl with the perfect looks and grades and everything else. She wasn't about to allow others see her like this – emotional, weak, and headache-stricken.

"Lily, you look like you need your rest. Why don't you head back to the common room, at least? I'm sure your comrades will return there shortly," Dumbledore suggested, noting Lily's current state.

"No, I can't… I'm staying right here," she replied stubbornly, though the common room had quite a bit of appeal. If she went back there she could take a shower and talk to Sirius and Remus. Her eyes flickered once again towards Potter. He still wasn't moving, and his hair was caked with blood. There were bandages on his face, and Madame Pomfrey was forcing him to swallow a potion, though he was still unconscious. "I'm staying here," the Head Girl repeated, more to remind herself than anyone else.

"Alright. Good night, Miss Evans." With that, the wizard left, leaving Lily to sit alone, watching James struggle for his life.

It was almost an hour before Sirius and Kim arrived in the hospital wing; Sirius had been hit by a hex that was making him barf every several minutes. It looked quite painful to Lily, who was almost glad to have something to distract her from the Head Boy's current state. Kim took the chair next to her silently as Madame Pomfrey forced a smoking potion into Black's hand. The trouble-maker downed the potion in one gulp, and Madame Pomfrey insisted that he allow her to look at the cuts that dotted his arms. This gave Lily and Kim a chance to talk. "Oh my God, are you alright?" Lily asked, hugging her friend as if for dear life.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but what about you?" Kim replied anxiously, hugging Lily back.

"I'm fine," Lily said, forcing a smile. "It's just Potter… I don't know why I'm worried about him, but I am, and…" There was a sort of dry sob, and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, Kim was looking very worried. "I'm fine, I swear."

"You don't look fine, Lils. Honestly, you look like you could use a shower and some sleep. Why don't you let Sirius and I take you back to the common room?" the blonde asked, tracing a sore spot on her palm with one pale finger. She hadn't mentioned the Slytherins' use of the Cruciatus Curse to Dumbledore, nor did she intend on going back to say it. In Kim's mind, the event was in the past and it should stay there. The pain still drove her crazy, though, and she never imagined the repercussions the unforgivable curses could have on one's life.

"It's my fault that he's here, and I'm staying here until he's better," Lily answered stubbornly, sinking deeper into the flimsy plastic chair she had been sitting in for over an hour now.

"That could be ages!" Sirius pointed out, walking up at the most inopportune moment possible. He watched as Lily's face fell, and laid what he hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I mean… I'm sorry, Lily. I shouldn't have said that. He'll probably be out by tomorrow morning."

"Do you honestly believe that?" the redhead demanded, closing her eyes against impending tears of anger and frustration.

"Yes, I do," Sirius answered. "Are you coming?"

"No."

Sirius nodded, his hand searching out Kim's. "I'll see you soon, then." He pulled the blonde to her feet, and the couple walked back to the common room alone.

.s.c.

The next morning, long after Lily had succumbed to sleep, Potter's comrades had returned to the infirmary. It was relatively early in the morning – around eight – but none of the Gryffindors involved in the confrontation with the Slytherins had slept well. So, once they were all gathered in the common room, each giving the excuse that they couldn't' sleep, the group decided to go see if Potter was awake yet. He wasn't, and neither was Lily. They debated taking her back to the common room, but decided against it; Lily was a light sleeper. Any attempt to move her would have most likely woken the redhead and evoked her powerful temper.

It was only about an hour later, with the Gryffindors long gone, that Professors Dumbledore and McGonnagal walked through the door at the far end of the Hospital win, accompantied by a man and a woman who were obviously the parents of James Potter. The man was tall and lanky, with the same uncontrollable black hair as his son. His blue eyes looked serious, and he wore a confident smile that made him look capable, rather than cocky. The woman was also tall, with ebony curls that were flecked with grey. Her eyes had been passed onto James – those lovely hazel orbs that Lily loved on the Head Boy. Presently, she was just waking up to the sound of voices in the infirmary, as well as to the fear that she would never see those eyes again.

"No, there was a confrontation between a group of Gryffindors and a group of Slytherins in the Astronomy tower," Dumbledore was saying. "He took a hit for someone else. It was a noble thing for him to do – worthy of Godric Gryffindor himself."

"Maybe so, but I'd like to know what is being done to the student who cast this spell. Obviously, it's the work of a dark arts curse. And what was the general nature of the other spells cast during this fight?" Mrs. Potter asked, running a hand through her son's hair. She seemed distracted by his physical state (who wouldn't be?) and lost her business-like demeanor for a moment. "Oh, my poor baby… What if he… He…" She stopped, as if she couldn't bear the thought of her son's death. Truthfully, she couldn't. The Head Girl felt another pang of guilt hit her like a brick, and overcame the subsequent nausea.

Lily watched as Mr. Potter moved up behind his wife, laying on hand on her waist. "No, Elizabeth… Don't worry. He'll be fine, I'm sure. He's in good hands." It touched Lily to see them like this, to see how much they loved James. They were world-renowned Aurors, and yet, there was this personal, open side to them. More than slightly uncomfortable and extremely guilty, Lily rose and turned to leave, edging her way towards the door in the hopes of escaping what was sure to be an awkward conversation with the Potters. Unfortunately, Professor Minerva McGonnagal had just stepped into her way for a severe telling-off.

Lily was right, as usual. "Miss Evans, I believe I instructed you to return to the common room last night," the professor stated commandingly, her cat-like eyes narrowed on Lily, her full attention focused on the Head Girl.

The four a.m. conversation came quickly to the Head Girl's mind, and she realized that McGonnagal had probably gotten even less sleep than she had. "Yes, you did, but I couldn't bring myself to leave him here all on his won. Besides, what if I got caught by some sort of ambush on my way back to the common room? I was alone. I might not have been able to fight them off."

McGonnagal's gaze softened just a bit. "Alright. But understand this, Miss Evans: you are in no position to be getting yourself – or anyone else – into trouble."

By this time, the Potters had not only noticed Lily, but were staring at her, clearly interested. Immediately, the redhead became conscious of her appearance – there was a mirror on the nearby wall. Her hair was knotted miserably, and there was blood streaked across her forehead. She had to swallow her nausea as she thought about whose blood it was: Potter's. And why it had been shed… because of her. It was all her own fault… "I understand."

Noting her appearance, Mrs. Potter became quite curious about Lily. As McGonnagal walked off to run some important errand, Lily turned to face James's parents. They introduced themselves, saying that they were grateful that she had stayed with their son all night. "I don't believe I caught your name?" Mr. Potter asked kindly, his confident smile still on his lips, though his son was caught between life and death.

"Lily Evans," the redhead replied just as pleasantly, her eyes flickering towards James, who was still lying unconscious on the white infirmary bed. "And you would be Mr. Potter, of course." She smiled the best she could, knowing that James was only a few feet to her right, fighting for his life. And it was all because she had been so stupid as to refuse to listen to his warnings…

Mrs. Potter shook her hand next. "Elizabeth Potter," she said confidently, stating her name. "I'm so thankful that you stayed up to look after my boy." Lily nodded thanks, saying that it was nothing before the Auror continued. "Now you wouldn't happen to be his girlfriend, would you?" she asked hopefully, as if she wished that the redhead was going out with James.

"Oh no, no…" Lily answered, and her face fell at the thought of Cadwen. Still, it was pretty amusing that the perfectly little bitch hadn't shown up to speak with James as of yet. "I'm just the Head Girl here… He saved me – if it wasn't for James, I'd be lying over there…" She nodded towards the bed, her teeth biting into her lip to prevent herself from crying.

"Oh, you poor dear…" Lily felt even guiltier as Mrs. Potter pulled her into an embrace as if the redhead was her own daughter. This was all her fault, and she wasn't being given a chance to explain that to this poor, delusional woman. "I'm sure you're great friends with James to do this for him.

"Not really," the redhead admitted, stepping out of the taller woman's embrace. "Honestly, we're so screwed up…" As Lily was about to explain everything that had happened since school began, she noticed the pair of hazel eyes staring up at them from the bed only a few feet away. "James?" Incredulous, joyful, and relieved, Lily's voice portrayed her emotions as she arrived eagerly at his bedside. "James… Oh God, I'm so sorry…" There were fresh tears in her eyes, tears that she refused to allow to fall down her cheeks. She was truly afraid of what the Head Boy would say to her, of what kind of things he would force her to feel. She was honestly, truly sorry for what she had done, for the fact that James Potter was even in the infirmary.

"You should be sorry," the Seeker answered angrily, sitting up in bed. He caught his mother's reproving gaze, however, and bit back his disappointment in the redhead, at least for now. "Mum, Dad, can we have a moment?" His parents moved promptly out the door, exchanging knowing looks with the other. It was only when they were gone that he turned back to Lily. "I'm serious, Evans. I didn't have to tell you about their plan to assault you. You didn't listen to me." He never noticed the devastated expression on her face. "Not only that, but you beat me up. And then, when I tried to prevent you from going out and getting yourself killed – yes, killed, Lily. They're Death Eaters – they don't care who they kill as long as they get what they want. And you're Muggle-born. They wouldn't have given a second thought to murdering you. I didn't have to come after you then, either. After you hexed me, did you think that I would have been able to? You wouldn't be in this bed, Lily, you'd be in the morgue. And so would Kim and Grace. Didn't you ever stop to think about what you were doing? Honestly, you just can't be so…" He paused, searching for the correct word. "So reckless! It's as if you have no regard for what happens to anyone but yourself!"

"You're one to talk," Lily replied bluntly, her eyes narrowed on the Head Boy. "In your seven years at Hogwarts, you've been the one who was always in trouble, who was always losing points for our house. Did you think about anyone else then?"

"It wasn't a matter of life and death then," James retorted angrily, his hazel eyes holding only hatred for the redhead.

"You never take anything seriously! How was I supposed to know that this was a matter of life and death? Besides, you called me a Mudblood! I… I don't know what to do with you, James," the redhead said, clearly hurt by everything that he had done. "One minute I'm madly in love with you, the next minute I hate you. I can't… I can't live like this."

"Well, then, Lily. I didn't mean to call you a Mudblood; you know that." He paused, thinking. "But that's not the issue here."

"Then what is the issue?"

"Look, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here! What do I need to do to get that through your head?" James inquired angrily, and Lily turned away, sobs wracking her small frame. His voice softened as he reached a hand towards her wrist. "Lily…" She didn't turn around. "Lily, I'm sorry. I was mad. I didn't mean any of it. I honestly didn't…"

She spun abruptly. "Then why the hell did you say it?" the Head Girl shouted at him before running out of the infirmary, pushing past the Potters as she hurried towards somewhere where she might have been left alone. She still had blood all over her robes, however, and acquired quite a few inquisitive glances from the student body as she ran through the corridors.

Back in the infirmary, James was getting hugged by his parents, being told that they were so happy that he was alright. A thought struck him as he talked to them: Lily had been the one to stay in the hospital wing all night with him, not Cadwen. A guilty feeling he couldn't dislodge settled into the pit of his stomach as he drifted back off to sleep.

.s.c.

**Author's note: **So, what'd you think? It was a kind of action-less chapter, a lot of sitting around, but it was a sort of necessary conclusion to what I started last chapter. Oh, and I'm giving you an excerpt to think about before next chapter.

**Excerpt: **"Prongs, you've gotta go with your gut feeling on this. If it feels like she's doing something wrong, then she's doing something wrong." (Sirius Black to James Potter)

**A/N: **Reviews make me write faster. They also make me bother my beta to read and edit my chapters. 80. (hint, hint.) Oh, I'm heading off to a babysitting job, I'd like to have quite a few reviews in my inbox when I get back. Just a thought – it'd be nice. (And I'm taking my laptop with me so I can write chapter ten. All of you should be extremely proud.)


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note:** Thanks to all my lovely reviewers for their even lovelier reviews! (There were way too many of you to name everyone… Oh! In an attempt to get more reviews, I will be adding review feedback in each chapter. By the way, this'll definitely be my last post for a while because my mother blocked For the last time, I do not own Harry Potter! And I will say this once and only once: I am NOT J. K. Rowling (since some of you seem to think that I am). If I was, I'd be on vacation right now, or making money off of this or something. Enjoy the chapter.

**Beta-Reader's Note:** Hi, I'm Maria Overlook, Sara Chappelle's beta-reader. I actually haven't truly beta-read the stuff in a while, for lack of time... But I'm posting this for her because her mother blocked the site. Just thought I'd let y'all know.

_.s.c._

Neither Lily nor James seemed to have the desire to speak to the other during the weeks following the confrontation in the Astronomy tower and the subsequent fight in the Hospital Wing. Lily was convinced that he was a big-headed prat, but she couldn't seem to get him out of her head, despite that fact. However, there were ways, as Potter himself had proved, to forget about the one you knew you were supposed to be with. After all, he had the nerve to stalk her for six years without getting a date, a response, anything at all. So, it was for that reason that Lily turned her attentions to Amos Diggory, a tall, attractive blond boy who ran a close second in defining 'respectable' to Gilderoy. So, in further efforts to preserve her reputation, he and the redhead began going out. Of course, he wasn't aware at the time that he was being used for that sole purpose.

Lily, however, knew from the end of that argument in the hospital wing that she would have to forget about Potter, no matter how much she hated to do it. She was now lying in an empty classroom with her boyfriend, her head resting against his chest. She knew what this would eventually come to - there was no way of stopping it. In fact, the Head Girl wasn't even certain if she would refrain from giving into whatever her hormones told her to do. But that would mean that she'd be losing her reputation - or at least it would become a lie, and Lily knew right then that she couldn't live like that. But it would also mean that she would have her revenge on James H. Potter. So really, that made everything worth it. The redhead shifted slightly, climbing up on top of poor Amos, her lips pressed firmly against his. "What do you say we go find a broom closet somewhere?"

He smirked; was this what Lily Evans was really like? "If that's what you really want, Miss Evans," the Hufflepuff replied devilishly, a grin upon his gorgeous face. He kissed her again before getting to his feet, bringing the redhead with him. They made their way easily into the hallways, looking furtively around before stepping into the nearest broom closet. It was dark, warm, and close, and they were kissing passionately already. Lily honestly thought that she would go through with it, but she didn't like the way it felt.

His hands were up her shirt, and she wanted nothing more than to push him away. It wasn't right. She shouldn't be doing this to get revenge on Potter, even if he had done the same to her. Besides, since when did Lily Evans make important life decisions based on what James Potter had done to her? For revenge? She simply didn't do that sort of thing. It was wrong. So, the redhead pushed the blond away from her. She was out of breath, and she could feel his hands sliding down her skin and breaking contact with her. Her tie had been loosened, and she could feel sweat droplets on her forehead, and the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Look, Amos… I… I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't even be here - not with you. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can go out with you anymore."

"This is about Potter, isn't it?" Diggory asked jealously. James Potter had been the bane of his existence since they had both arrived at platform nine and three quarters. Yes, James Potter was the one who had always gotten all the girls, who had made the Quidditch team in second year, who had managed to become one of the top students in the year with barely any effort at all. He was a troublemaker, and yet, everyone loved him. Lily knew all this, and she did not meet the Hufflepuff's eyes as she nodded meekly. "Well, this is gonna be hell for both of you, then."

With that, the Hufflepuff strode angrily out of the broom closet and into the hallway, never hearing the footsteps in the corridor that nothing seemed to have caused. Lily sank to the floor inside the closet, sobs wrenching her small body as her heart shattered once more.

Outside the broom closet, in the fifth floor corridor, a very invisible James Potter pressed an ear to the door, listening for who had been in that broom closet with Amos Diggory. He heard only sobs, which led him to the conclusion that some sort of wrong-doing had been done, and with a swift glance around for any sign of people, took off his invisibility cloak. His tanned hand reached for the closet, turned the handle, and opened it, leaping back with a yelp of surprise. "Lily?" She looked up at him, but didn't say anything in reply. Gently, he knelt down beside her, taking both her hands in his. "What's the matter?"

"I… don't know," was her only reply, and for now, James seemed to accept this.

"Why don't we get out of this closet?" the head boy asked quietly as he got to his feet, and then pulled her up with him. "You look like you've come through hell… What'd he do to you?"

Lily realized that James must have seen Diggory leave, or something of that nature. And he probably knew that they had been dating; you couldn't live around Sirius Black and not pick up on the school's gossip. "He didn't do anything, really. Just said that he was going to hurt both of us." She stopped and turned to face him. "I couldn't stand to see you get hurt," she continued, and was surprised when the Seeker pulled her into a warm hug.

"I missed you, Lily," he replied quietly before releasing her from his embrace. "Look… We er… need to talk."

"I know we do." She led him towards an empty classroom, and took a seat on top of one of the ancient wooden desks. "I'm sorry about what happened in the Astronomy tower, and I should have listened to you, and I don't think anyone'll ever know how much I regret that." It was a sincere apology, and his eyes held hers the whole time. It was like this anytime James Potter was around - she couldn't keep her eyes off of him, and when they were this close, she wasn't sure she could keep her hands off him, either. "James…" She felt him hug her again, pulling her head in against his chest. "I missed you…"

"I missed you more," he whispered into her ear, digesting her apology. "Lily, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I've been a complete prat, and deserved not to be believed - and the things I said didn't make it very believable. I'm sorry about our arguments - all of them." He watched as her face broke out into a large grin, smiling at his handiwork. "Do you want me to take you back to the common room? I'm sure it's more comfortable there." She nodded, and silently, they made their way back towards the portrait of the fat lady. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to, either. Holding each other's hand was enough. The spell was broken by the small noises of the common room, but Lily didn't seem to care. He morphed back into an awkward teenager all at once, as he led a girl who wasn't his girlfriend towards the couch. She pulled him down with her, and they stayed like that for an unimaginable length of time, until they both drifted off into sleep.

_.s.c._

It was another perfect night, the one Lily didn't know she had missed until now. It was warm, with a slight breeze that played with the curtains. There was the familiar spot of moonlight streaked across her bedroom floor, and the sheets were wrapped around her tiny frame. She smiled and sat up as the door creaked open, anticipating what was to come. The man she knew was James Potter stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Who's there?" she asked almost nervously, though she knew the answer already. As he moved closer, she cut a scar on his jaw that she hadn't noticed before. Now where on earth had he gotten that?

"It's me, baby," he replied as his cloak dropped to the ground from around his shoulders. She smiled slowly, and he sat down on the edge of their bed… Wait, it was their bed? Why was she thinking that? She felt his eyes boring through her soul again and took a halting breath.

"James… I… I missed you." She hadn't said what quite what she had meant to, but it was all the same. She had her arms around him, and her head was leaning against his chest. Locked in these strong arms, Lily felt as if nothing could go wrong.

"I missed you more." He tilted her chin up, and his face was moving closer to hers. Their lips finally met, and fireworks exploded in her head. Nearby, there was the sound of a high-pitched, blood-curdling scream. Ah, back to the real world…

_.s.c._

An exhausted James Potter awoke to find himself on the plump couch of the Gryffindor Common room. He was lying on his back, and Lily was lying on top of him, her hair fanned out across his chest, her fingers threaded through his. Nearby, Cadwen O'Brien was screaming bloody murder, but the Head Boy found that he didn't care. Well, not really. In any case, Lily shifted slightly, alerting the Seeker to the fact that she had also awoken at the sound of the scream. Smiling, the redhead rolled off of him to see Sirius Black struggling to control a very angry Cadwen O'Brien.

James yawned and rose quickly from the couch before he too discovered his angry girlfriend. Of course, he hadn't done nearly what she had done, but still - Cadwen didn't wasn't the Head Boy talking to other girls, much less 'innocently' falling asleep on the couch with them. James quickly urged Lily to leave, which she did as quickly as possible, given Cadwen O'Brien's current mood. Sirius released the girl only when Lily was gone, and took a step back as she moved to pummel James to a bloody pulp.

It is a special girl who James Potter will allow to beat him up, as Cadwen was about to learn. Apparently, she wasn't quite that special to Potter. She threw herself at him several times, but the Head Boy, with his lightning-quick reflexes, refused to allow himself to be caught. This went on for several minutes, until the seeker flipped over the back of the couch in his efforts to avoid the angry teenage girl. He was soon trapped there, begging for forgiveness. It came, at a price.

_.s.c._

This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen, James thought as he climbed the stairs to his dormitory. But how was he supposed to help it? He cared about Cadwen - he honestly, truly thought that he did. But how was he supposed to help that whenever Lily Evans was around, his heart started hammering in his chest, his knees felt weak, and he couldn't bloody concentrate on anything or anyone else? And to make up for that single thing that he couldn't control, he had done something he had regretted immediately afterwards. And it made him feel like that was all Cadwen had wanted him for. Sex.

Of course, it wasn't like he hadn't enjoyed it while it lasted. It was just the way she acted towards him afterwards. It made him feel inadequate, as if he wasn't good enough for her. But then, was anyone really good enough for Cadwen O'Brien? Well, Sean McCormack was, but James was blissfully unaware of that tricky situation. In any case, Potter arrived back in his dorm at around eight p.m., confused and unconvinced that what he had done was the right thing. He had barely flopped across his plush four-poster that the Marauders decided to ambush him with questions. "Why was Cadwen mad at you?"

"Why were you asleep on the couch with Lily Evans?"

"Did she forgive you?"

"Which one?" James asked, slightly mind-boggled by the rapid series of questions. He watched anxiously as Lupin's stare changed from one of disapproval to curiosity. A groan escaped his lips; now that he had said something, the Marauders wouldn't let him sleep before they got the whole story. And he was exhausted. The sooner this was over, the better. "Shutup, Sirius," James snapped abruptly as the other boy opened his mouth. Black didn't argue, figuring that whatever Potter had to say would answer all his questions. James didn't disappoint them. "I found Lily Evans hiding in a broom closet, so I brought her back to the common room, alright? We weren't supposed to fall asleep on the couch. It was just… she was upset, and I wasn't just gonna leave her to her own devices. She said something about Diggory hurting her and me… but personally, I don't see him being capable of beating either of us up. I'm just too sexy for him." The Head Boy's friends joined in his laughter as feigning arrogance, James ran a hand through his jet-black, uncontrollable hair. "Anyways, Cadwen tried to beat me up… Well, sort of. She was mad at me, and you all know how Cadwen can convince guys to do stuff for her…" He let the statement go unfinished.

"Prongs? Are you saying that you and Cadwen…?" Remus also let the unsaid words hang in the air, confused as to why James would do that sort of thing, with someone it was clear that he didn't really like, anyways. He raised blond eyebrows at the taller youth. It was becoming clear that James not only regretted doing whatever he had done, but also that he couldn't see where his heart really lay.

"Did it?" James finished for the pale, blond boy. "Yeah, we did…" He buried his face in his hands as Padfoot bounded, uncannily like an excited puppy, onto the youth's bed.

"Was she any good?" Sirius asked excitedly, overjoyed that someone had finally managed to get into James Potter's pants. After all, he seemed to think that there was something seriously wrong with people who didn't go around sleeping with the whole school.

"She wasn't bad or anything, if that's what you're getting at," James answered, choosing his words with exquisite care. "It just didn't feel right… Like her mind was on something else or something like that. And afterwards, it was just so casual, like she'd done it a million times before and it had stopped meaning anything," the Head Boy continued miserably.

"In my expert opinion…" Sirius began, but stopped when he saw the dejected expression on Potter's face. "Look, Prongs, you've got to go with your gut feeling on this. If it feels like she's doing something wrong, then she's doing something wrong. I'm sure you have your suspicions about what - or who - Cadwen was thinking about while you where hrm…"

"What do you mean, who?" James answered incredulously, angrily. He knew for a fact that Cadwen cared about him. She would never cheat on him, as Sirius seemed to be suggesting. He looked at Peter and Remus for help, but they had each buried their nose in a book, in an attempt to stay out of the argument that they had been expecting since James and Cadwen had started going out. And Sirius wasn't the type of guy who could just stand there and let his friend get slaughtered by a man-eating slut like Cadwen O'Brien. He was taking action now, but it didn't seem to be having much effect. Not that it was given time to work…

At that moment, a flustered, breathless Grace Chester walked into the dorm without even bothering to knock. It wasn't within her usual character; under normal circumstances, she was calm, cool, and collected, and she always knew exactly what she was doing. Her brown hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, and she was wearing a tight pair of jeans and a navy blue tee-shirt. Remus looked up immediately as she appeared, observant as always. His heart didn't even stop hammering when he realized that he wasn't the one she was here to see. "Sirius," she gasped. "Come… with me… It's about Kim…"

_.s.c._

**A/N:** Yes, it's short, but deal with it! Anyways, I know you all love my cliff-hanger skills. I'll update when I hit one hundred, I promise. As for an excerpt…

**Excerpt:** Lupin sighed, then shot a glare in Potter's direction. "I'm not taking any love advice from you, Prongs. You've managed to fuck up every relationship you've ever had."

"My relationship with Cadwen isn't fucked up," James protested, rather futilely. Was it?

"Oh yes, yes it is. It is bloody fucked up." That seemed to answer the question well enough - if it was making Remus Lupin curse, there was something very, very wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: **Yes, I finally managed to get my pc privileges back, so hah! I'm sorry about the screw-up with the previous post of chapter 11. It wasn't supposed to be short. At all. And here's another chapter for you. I also posted chapter five of Shattered Hearts, and another one-shot. So go read my other stuff if you feel like it. (It'll motivate me and make me write faster, for the record.) Anyways, on to the story.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter.

.s.c.

Within an instant, Sirius had jumped off Potter's bed, stuffed his feet into his old army boots, and hurried towards the other end of the room, where Grace was breathlessly leaning against the doorway. They departed as quickly as possible, questions flashing desperately through Sirius's mind. What was wrong with Kim? What was it that was so bad that Grace and Lily couldn't handle it? They usually didn't go to the boys for help with anything emotional, so what was all this about? Whatever it was, Sirius was certain that it wasn't good.

His feeling of unease increased as they made their way up towards the Astronomy Tower. What was Kim doing here? Black had gotten the feeling that she wouldn't want anything to do with the Astronomy Tower after the confrontation with the Slytherins. As they reached the stairs, Sirius pushed past Grace, up into the tower, nervous about what he would find there. All the same, he had to know.

The blonde was curled up in a corner, knees pulled up into her chest. Her pale hands clasped each other, twisting nervously as she sat against the cold stone, tears pouring down her cheeks. The memories were just too much for Kim – she couldn't avoid this place, or even get the pain (both emotional and physical) out of her mind. It was a horrible thing to be forced to think about constantly, and there was nothing the Gryffindor could do to get it out of her head.

She hadn't expected Grace to come looking for her today, and she was even more surprised when the brunette found her. However, that didn't mean that she could explain the Cruciatus Curse to her friend. Lily had the same amount of success. No one understood her. Maybe it would be better… Kim slowly stood up, walking towards the parapet that was the only barrier between her and a hundred-foot fall. There would be that minute of bliss before the blackness closed in around her… And then there wouldn't be any more of this horrid pain she had to put up with constantly. But then there would also be no Sirius… But she wasn't truly happy any more, even when she was with Black. She took another step towards the parapet, and felt arms grab her from behind, pulling her away from the fall.

"Kim…" The voice was soft, a gasp, even, as Sirius pulled the object of his affections away from the danger. "Kim…" he whispered again, wrapping his strong arms around her. "What… Why?" He didn't miss the defiant expression on her face, nor the tears that she tried so hard to hold back. "Why don't we talk about it?" He barely gave her time to shake her head before leading the girl out of the room, towards one of the many secret rooms around the castle.

"Sirius, we don't have anything to talk about," Kim finally managed as Sirius sat her down on one of many couches in this room. It appeared exactly as Black needed it to – a place to relax and talk. "I was just up there – nothing major, alright?"

"Then why were you crying, and why were you about to walk off the edge of the tower?" Sirius asked quietly, appraising Kim with his dark eyes. She tore her gaze away, focusing instead on the stone floor of the room. A few fresh tears ran down her cheeks, splattering onto the floor. The girl quickly felt those familiar strong arms around her, attempting to comfort her. "Don't cry…"

"I'm not crying! I just want to be left bloody well alone!" She shouted, the tears in her eyes becoming even more apparent.

"Well, I'm not leaving you alone when you're like this," Sirius answered softly, ignoring the murderous glare she was shooting at him. "Come on, Kim. Calm down. Tell me what's wrong… I'll listen. Please." He wiped away some of her tears with his thumb, and she collapsed in his arms, clearly exhausted.

"I can't help it… I don't know what to do, Sirius. I just can't believe they used that spell on me…" Taking a deep breath, Kim continued. "I'm scared of what they'll do to you, to me… To all of us. I just don't know if it's worth sticking around to see the whole world murdered. I mean, if you hadn't shown up, I doubt I'd be here… Even Lily's scared. And I don't know… I just feel so worthless. It's like I can't do anything or something." She pressed herself closer against the youth beside her, her body racked by a fresh round of sobs.

"Shh… It'll be alright. Everything'll be alright," Sirius promised her, though he wasn't sure he believed the statement entirely. "I love you… Everything'll be alright." They sat there for what seemed like a long time, enfolded in the other's arms.

.s.c.

Meanwhile, Remus had left Potter up in the dorms, too curious about what had happened to wait for Sirius to return. He found Grace back in the common room, a worried expression on her face as she spoke in earnest, low tones with Lily. As usual, Grace looked put together, though her customary bright smile was missing in action. "Grace…" He approached her, and she looked up, clearly glad to see the werewolf.

"Remus… How are you?" she asked politely, flashing Lily a smile as she stood up.

"Er… could I have a word?" Lupin asked, offering the brunette a hand.

"Of course," Grace replied quietly, taking his hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And even as she did so, her heart skipped a beat and her fingers threaded through his. Yes, it was the most natural thing in the world, but at the moment, it was also the most awkward thing in the world. Being around Remus made the girl nervous before, but now, things were worse. God, he was cute. She loved the way his blond hair was combed perfectly into place, the way his gold-tinted eyes would meet hers and they would burst out laughing at the most random times. But this…. this was serious. "I'm guessing you want to know about Kim?"

"Yeah… is she okay? I thought she looked as if after the confrontation, she was a little out of it. But what happened?" Lupin inquired, leading the brunette out of the common room through the portrait hole.

"I'm not entirely sure. She wouldn't tell Lils or me, so I hope Sirius can get something out of her. But you know the Slytherins used the Cruciatus Curse on her. I wonder if that could send somebody into depression or something," Grace answered mildly, savoring the feeling of just holding Remus's hand.

"I don't know. But… how are you doing after the fight and all?" the prefect replied as he offered Grace a small smile.

She stopped, out of pure surprise. She knew that Remus was thoughtful and all, but she never expected the conversation to turn to herself. She let out a giggle, unable to contain her happiness. "Me?" Grace watched as he smiled and nodded from half a foot above her. She kissed him, and felt his hands wrap around her waist as he returned the kiss. When they finally pulled apart, she was smiling, and Remus just looked confused. Sure, he liked Grace, but how was it that she could bring herself to kiss a monster like himself? "I don't think I've ever been better," she continued.

He nodded slowly. "I'm glad to hear it… I-I've got to go. Homework, you know." With that, Lupin hurried back to the dormitories, mind swamped with questions. Grace was left in the middle of the hallway, unsure of what he was feeling. A thought struck her: what if he hated her because of the kiss? What if he liked someone else?

.s.c.

James looked up curiously as Lupin returned to the dormitory. He laughed at the sight – the boy's hair was slightly mussed, and his gold-tinted eyes were filled with confusion. Not to mention the pinkish tint to his lips… "Remus, why didn't you tell us you were going to start wearing lip gloss? Sirius could have helped you with the application… It looks kinda messy."

Lupin ignored this blatant teasing. "He's not back yet?"

"Nope," Potter answered matter-of-factly, biting his lip. "I guess there really is something going on with Kim. I'm so lucky I've got Cadwen – she never seems to have any emotional issues." He grinned at Remus, who now seemed disgusted by James' impudence.

"That's because she doesn't have any emotions. Has she ever told you that she loves you? That she even gives a care about how you feel about a single thing?" Lupin answered with a weird combination of passion, anger, and confusion.

No, James thought as he uttered a sigh. The evidence suggested that Remus Lupin had kissed someone. He would have to walk Moony through the 'I-shouldn't-be-kissing-her' phase all on his own. Drat. Besides, Sirius was good at getting people through this part of their relationship. "So who'd you snog?"

"What, how did you -"

"Don't ask. Who'd you snog?"

"Grace Chester," Moony admitted, biting back a cruel remark. "And then I ran away. Merlin, I'm so stupid…"

"That was kind of stupid, actually," James responded thoughtfully, searching for the best way to convince Remus that he had to go back and make it up to the poor girl. He didn't know where Grace was at the moment, but he got the feeling that she was somewhere, quite upset that she had finally gotten to kiss Remus Lupin, and then he had run away from her. James was disappointed in Moony, as well. Remus had liked Grace for a long time, just as she had liked him. And if people like that – people who were so obviously meant for each other – couldn't get together, was there any hope for the rest of the world? The Head Boy sighed; if only his own love life was that simple. "Well, listen to me… If you--"

Lupin sighed, then shot a glare in Potter's direction. "I'm not taking any love advice from you, Prongs. You've managed to fuck up every relationship you've ever had."

"My relationship with Cadwen isn't fucked up," James protested, rather futilely. Was it? He had done a lot of thinking on the subject lately. If she had really loved him, she wouldn't have forced him into that broom closet with her. Well, she hadn't exactly forced him – just guilted him into doing it.

"Oh yes, yes it is. It is bloody fucked up." That seemed to answer the question well enough – if it was making Remus Lupin curse, there was something very, very wrong. James shot a glare back towards the werewolf as he strode angrily out of the room.

.s.c.

This time around, it was not Lily, but James who had underestimated the school's gossiping power. By the next morning at breakfast, practically the whole school had heard that he had shagged Cadwen O'Brien. Cadwen seemed to enjoy the attention, but James spent the day practically hiding from the girls who kept coming up to him, wondering if it was true. In fact, he skipped Tranfiguration just to get away from all the questioning glances being shot his way. He was missed in class, but not by Lily Evans. Thinking that there might have been people left in the Gryffindor Common Room, James found himself uttering the password to the Heads' meeting room. Much to his surprise, when he walked in, Lily was already there.

The redhead was perched against the back of the couch, a long red banner folded across her lap. Her eyes were swollen and her mascara streaked black down her pale cheeks. It was funny that she was here; James hadn't noticed if she had missed her morning classes. She didn't detect his quiet footfalls as he crept quietly across the room, as if afraid to disturb the redhead. In fact, the Head Girl was so oblivious to Potter's presence that she practically fell off the couch when he laid what he intended to be a comforting hand on her shoulder. Hastily, Lily wiped away her tears, smearing the black left by her mascara further across her cheeks. "James? Don't you ever scare me like that again!"

"I'll try my best not to," Potter answered, settling her back down onto the couch before he joined her there. "Why are you skipping Transfiguration?" This question prompted another sob on Lily's part, and James ran his hand through her copper hair before he could realize exactly what he was doing. However, the gesture was enough to calm the redhead down, at least for the time being. "At least tell me what's wrong… I'll listen."

Lily gradually relaxed as Potter continued to comb her hair with his fingers. She liked having him this close to her, despite whatever he had done with Cadwen and the fact that she had been forced to hear all about their sexual escapades from her the previous night. "A lot of stuff, I guess. Rumors." Potter blushed; obviously, the rumors regarding him and Cadwen were bothering Lily. Of course, they were bothering him as well, but not nearly as much as the fact that they weren't actually rumors. They were true. His suspicions regarding her feelings on the subject were soon confirmed. Shooting a glare at the Seeker, Lily continued, "Yes, your stupid experiences with Cadwen bother me, all right?"

"They bother me too," James replied softly, unable to meet her eyes.

"Oh, James…" She hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that like it sounded." Then she remembered that she had no reason to be hugging James Potter. She pulled away abruptly, as if embarrassed. And he still had the same curious look on his face. Evans sighed; there would be no way out of it. She would just have to tell him exactly what Amos Diggory had done to make her life hell. But she didn't want to think about that now. "And Kim and Grace are upset – apparently Remus kissed Grace and then just walked off without saying anything else to her. And Kim didn't come back to the dorm last night at all."

"She was with Sirius," James explained, and couldn't help but crack a smile as Lily's jaw dropped. "In our dorm. Don't worry, they didn't actually do anything." The crimson banner drew his attention all of a sudden. "What's the banner for?"

Lily bit her lip in an attempt to keep her tears from returning to her cheeks. "It's nothing, really… Just a stupid joke, I guess." She placed a hand over the banner, which had been folded so that the words weren't still visible. Still, it had been displayed in the hallways for long enough to ruin her reputation, destroy her social life, and upset her enough that she would risk missing every class that day. A stray tear made its way silently down her cheek, where James caught it before it could fall into her lap.

"Lily, it's gonna be alright. Everything is gonna be fine. It's just a rumor. As long as everyone who matters knows it isn't true…" He hugged her and carefully removed the folded fabric from her lap as she pulled out of the embrace. "Let's see what kind of rumors these are, anyways. They can't come up with anything that's all that bad, especially when they're talking about someone as great as you are, flower." He offered her a smile as he unfolded the fabric, pressing it flat across the long table on the other side of the room.

The sight of the banner was not a pleasant one for James Potter. It was becoming quickly apparent that Lily had a good reason to be upset, if the majority of the school had seen any of what was written across the sign in orange letters. Worse, from the way it looked, a majority of the school had gotten together and thought of mean things to write about Lily Evans.

_Lily Evans is a fugly bitch. Lily Evans is a slut. Lily Evans broke up with Amos Diggory because he wouldn't sleep with her. (Who would want to?) Lily Evans slept with every guy in Gryffindor – at the same time. Lily Evans got breast implants. Lily Evans is pregnant with James Potter's child. Lily Evans is a ten-cent whore, only no one's willing to pay that much._

James stopped reading, trying to restrain the urge to find and kill whoever had done this. He was seeing red, though he knew that he shouldn't care this much about what had happened – he did, after all, have a girlfriend. He turned back towards Lily, who was still seated on the couch. "See?" she asked tearfully doing her best to stay calm under the circumstances. "This is ruining my life!" She looked desperately at the Seeker for a moment, not missing the look of pity on his hawkish features. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, obviously your reputation is pretty far gone at this point," James said thoughtfully, a finger pressed to his lower lip. "I suggest you just abandon it at this point and start being yourself. No, don't say anything. You and I both know about your reputation." He paused. "I also suggest that you find out who did this so that I can track them down and murder them." The Head Boy smiled as the remark coaxed a grin out of the Head Girl. "And you might want to encourage the rumors that you're carrying my child."

"James!" She tackled him fiercely, appalled that he would even joke about such a thing. "I can't believe you would say such a thing." The redhead giggled. "And I'm willing to bet this is how Diggory is making my life miserable. But I'm not sure it's all that bad anymore." It was only then that Lily noticed their position. The Head Boy was lying on the ground below her, one hand on her shoulder, the other resting on her spine. She was on top of him, her body pressed firmly against his. Her fingers were threaded through his hair, and the other hand was pressed against his chest, the only thing (apart from their clothes) that separated the pair. The Head Girl hadn't noticed that Potter had taken care to button an extra button her shirt as to prevent himself from looking down it.

"And why would that be?" James inquired, truly curious as to the reason for her sudden change of heart.

"You're here."

He was taken aback by the simple reply. Lily Evans was happy simply because they were in the same room? It seemed impossible to the seeker that she could change her mind so easily. Suddenly, James found something in himself regretting that he had buttoned that button, that he hadn't just let Cadwen break up with him after their argument. Then he'd be free to do what he was about to (and knew he couldn't avoid), without the guilt that was sure to come later.

"Lily?" He inquired, and she moved her face off his chest in order to meet those gorgeous hazel eyes. "I…" He couldn't finish the sentence now; some things were better explained with actions. Their lips met in the same fiery passion of the kisses they had shared on the date and in the doorway to the boys' dormitory. Her fingers were on his shirt, working quickly with the buttons. Surprisingly enough, knowing that Cadwen would murder him for this (if she found out), the Seeker allowed Lily to do this. His hands had migrated to her waist and hips, but she didn't seem to care any more than he did. It was simply the way they were around each other – they were always comfortable.

Everything was perfect, as if it had been previously choreographed. Not a bat of an eyelash occurred at the wrong time. It was only as the Head Girl moved to pull the Seeker's shirt off that he stopped them, and her fingers drifted back to the warmth of his chest. His own hands moved back to her shoulders, and he stared hard into her eyes, hoping that this action wouldn't be met with any resistance. "Lily, we shouldn't be doing this… I learned the hard way…" Why was he telling Lily Evans this? "I'm not ready for this kind of thing, alright? And I don't want you to regret anything. So please…"

"Alright." Lily paused, embracing him, before she continued, "Thanks, Potter." She could feel the warmth of his bare chest and see the well-defined muscles there as she moved to rebutton his shirt. Her eyes held only trust for him as she stared up at the Head Boy. How had they gotten like this? Since when had Lily Evans started trusting James Potter? Honestly, the redhead didn't care, as she fumbled with a button and tore her emerald gaze away from his gorgeous hazel eyes. Before she knew what was happening, her fingers were tracing a white scar on his chest, left by the Sectumsempra hex a few weeks earlier. "Oh, dear…"

"It's nothing." After a moment, the Head Boy pulled away, his fingers deftly fastening the remaining buttons on his shirt and forcing his tie back into its usual neat knot at his neck. Already, the guilt of what he had almost done (and still wanted to do) was getting to James, tearing at his insides and attacking his ideals. "I… I've gotta get the homework from Sirius – and I've got that potions essay. I'll see you later." With that, he smiled his gorgeous smile and walked out of the room, not really looking where he was going.

James Potter had just run straight into none other than Severus Snape.

.s.c.

**Author's note: **And there you have it: Chapter 11. Unfortunately, my email is not working at the moment, so if you feel like contacting me, you'll have to do it via AIM. The screen name is xBackxJauerx (don't ask). I'm so excited – I'm very close to hitting 100 reviews. I know you all want to help me get there, right? And because of that, I'm going to give you a lovely excerpt to think about.

**Excerpt:**

"James, just because he did it to you…" She stopped, too angry to continue. When she finally did, the grief in her voice was clear. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you! One second, you're about to screw me, and I would have, too!" James winced at this bit of information, knowing that Cadwen was standing just on the other side of the common room. "And then you're getting your stupid revenge for no reason! I can't believe it!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note: **Woot, 100 reviews! Love you all, of course, and I would especially like to thank my beta, Maria Overlook (go read her stuff) and hhfanx2 for being such a consistently inspiring reviewer. (And she writes good one-shots) Anyways, I'm sorry about the complications with chapter 11. If you haven't read the re-post of it, I suggest you do, because otherwise, you will be missing quite a bit.

**Disclaimer: **I am not on vacation at the moment, therefore I don't own Harry Potter.

.s.c.

Lily stayed inside, pondering their meeting for what seemed like a long time. It was a complicated thing, really, the way that he could make her feel, and yet, she still wanted to make herself hate him. It was utterly impossible to explain, and the redhead could tell already that the way he acted drove her crazy – just not in the way that it used to. "James." She liked the way his name slid easily off the tip of her tongue, the way his face came easily to the front of her mind.

Then there was the way he had made her feel, just being in the room. He had more tact than she remembered. But what would have happened if he hadn't stopped them? Would she have? The Head Girl forced herself to stop the thought there. She'd cross that bridge if she ever came to it – after all, Potter seemed to be extremely loyal to Cadwen at the moment. Maybe she had been wrong about him. Maybe he treated people as if they would be the one he would end up with. Maybe he wasn't the type of guy she had cast him as – maybe he wasn't the type of guy to let go once he had gotten the girl. But what if she couldn't stop herself from doing anything she didn't want to do? What if she didn't really want to sleep with him? After all, that seemed to be all that James Potter wanted from her. But it was Potter who had stopped them. Maybe he didn't want to go any further. Maybe they were just friends. A small smile came across her features, as she flopped back onto the couch.

.s.c.

_The dream. It was that familiar, warm night, and she was back in her bed at home. The sheets were wrapped casually around her thin frame, and she was smiling. The door creaked open, letting in a little light across the floor, and a shadow moved towards her. "Who's there?" she asked, knowing all the while that it was Potter._

"_It's me, baby," he answered, discarding his cloak as he moved across her bedroom floor. She sat up, her eyes twinkling at him as he walked towards the bed. When he was right beside it, he stopped, staring down at her. She wasn't going to let him stand there, though._

_Lily gripped his hands and pulled him down onto the bed beside her, allowing her hands to run up his muscular arms to his shoulders. "James?" He stared harder into her eyes. "Isn't it a little late? It's way past my bedtime."_

_He only laughed softly in reply. "Unfortunately, I doubt that you'll be getting to sleep for a while." He reached around to the back of her neck, feeling her pulse against his hand as they leaned closer. She could feel her heart racing as their lips met. The pain of being with him, of loving- wait, loving? No. Well, her heart hurt._

"_Mm…" she answered, wrapping arms around him as she leaned closer to him – she couldn't get close enough to this James H. Potter. Before she knew it, her fingers were on his shirt, working at the buttons, and his hands had migrated to her hips, just as they had earlier._

_He brought her deeper into each kiss now. "Lily… I love--"_

.s.c.

Love? Love what? What was it that James Potter loved? Why did this stupid dream have to stop at the worst times? She sat up on the couch, unwilling to stay in the room by herself any longer. She would go find him, tell him exactly how she felt about him, what Cadwen was doing to him – everything. And they would get together, and everyone would live happily ever after. Well, except for maybe Cadwen, but Lily didn't exactly care about how she felt about any of this after what she had done to the Head Girl. When she left the Head's meeting room, though, the scene that met her was anything but what she had expected to see.

James and Snape had their wands raised at each other, attempting to stare the other down. Snape said something inaudible to James, his eyes flickering calculatingly towards the redhead. The Head Boy over reacted – that was what it seemed like to Lily, at least. He raised his wand higher and shouted a hex. "Sectumsempra!" Snape collapsed, and James turned angrily away, never even thinking to keep the Slytherin from dying.

"No!" Lily shouted, running forward. She caught Potter's apologetic look, but never gave him the chance to explain the situation to her. "Potter, you idiot! I thought you were different!" She kicked him sharply in the shin before she was able to flee in the opposite direction.

As Potter watched her go, he felt a stone drop into the pit of his stomach. He hadn't meant for things to work out like this. He had used dark magic. He had used dark magic. The Gryffindor couldn't get it out of his mind, at least until a cold hand dropped onto his shoulder. He turned to see an extremely angry Professor McGonnagal, but, oddly, he didn't really care what she did to him. It didn't matter any more – Lily hated him. "Your wand, Mr. Potter?" the Professor requested quietly, and Potter gave up the swishy willow wand without resistance. The amount of trouble he was in was finally hitting the boy; he shouldn't have been worried about his parents, or even about Dumbledore. No, he should have been occupied with not getting arrested. However, all James Potter could think about was the look on Lily's face. And it would be the last time he saw her.

.s.c.

Sirius Black was walking back from Transfiguration class when he collided with a small, wiry object. The object fell to the ground from the impact, and Sirius found himself crouching down beside a distressed Lily Marie Evans. "Lily?" He whispered, hoping to coax whatever the matter was out of her. She didn't answer, but gladly took the hand he offered her. However, it seemed, now that she was with Sirius, she would have to stay that way. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened, alright? James is just a stupid asshole. I honestly thought for a moment that he might be an okay guy, but as usual, I'm wrong." The redhead sighed, suddenly feeling tired. "I'm always wrong about guys. Look at Amos Diggory. I thought he was nice. And Gilderoy. Asshole."

"That's not so bad," Sirius answered quietly, hoping to find out exactly what had gone wrong with James. "So… what makes James a stupid asshole? He seemed so much more like a son of a bitch to me."

Lily laughed weakly, leaning against the Gryffindor for support. "It's a long story," she said finally, not really wishing to explain what had gone on in the Heads' meeting room. However, before she could stop Sirius, he was leading her into an empty classroom.

"We have plenty of time."

"You're really determined to find out what he did, aren't you?" the girl questioned. He nodded in response. "Alright, fine. I was skipping Transfiguration… You know, just shut up about that," she added, before he could say anything else. "And I was in the Heads' Meeting Room. You didn't see the banner, did you?" Sirius nodded. "Well, I was upset, okay? And then James came in, and he sorta made it seem okay. And then… I don't know. We… we uh… kissed. Snogged, really." She said it in a nonchalant voice, as if it was no big deal to her, but in reality, it had met quite a bit. The redhead had to swallow the knot that was growing in her throat before she could continue. "So anyways, he left, and I fell asleep, and then I woke up, and I left, and there he was, standing outside the room, hexing Snape. And it looked bad. Sirius, he's a murderer. I hate him." It was only now that Lily started crying – she could no longer hold off the tears.

Black's jaw dropped. "He's a what?" He didn't wait for the answer before setting off to find Potter.

.s.c.

James was surprised at how easily he had gotten off – but then, all the Slytherins who had attacked him had remained at school. He did, however, have detention every night for the next two weeks. That was nothing new to James Potter, though. He took this punishment without complaint. Seventy Points had also been taken from Gryffindor. Hardly anyone within the house was speaking to him, so the Seeker had basically ignored everyone. He studied in the Heads' meeting room (after making sure that Lily wasn't there), and only ventured outside for Quidditch Practice. But the thing was, Potter wasn't even sure he wanted to play Quidditch any more. It didn't matter, knowing not only that Lily hated him, but why. He had almost killed a student.

The next morning at breakfast, a very subdued James Potter bent over his cereal, ignoring the angry glares he was receiving from the majority of the house, as well as the looks of pity he was getting from his friends and fan club. Then the post arrived. He should have expected the howler – of course his parents had been informed that he had nearly killed a student. But the Head Boy certainly did not expect it to be this bad. Bracing himself, James raced to open the letter, shutting his eyes as the voices of Elizabeth and Thomas Potter filled the room.

"How could you do something this horrible? You bring shame upon the family! This is not what we raised you to act like!" The shouts did not die down for quite a while, and James looked like he might have just run ten miles (minus the sweat) when they eventually did. The Slytherin table was engulfed in laughter, and the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were stealing furtive glances at the Gryffindor table. The Gryffindors were glaring more angrily (if possible) at Potter, and Lily Evans was calmly watching the Head Boy, waiting for the mental breakdown. He had stopped eating, instead just simply staring into his bowl of cereal, his jaw clenched shut. His left elbow was resting on the table, and his eyes were shut. A single tear leaked out from behind one eye, but he was quick to wipe it away. Lily couldn't be sure if anyone else had seen it.

.s.c.

Today was quite possibly the worst day of James Potter's life – he just didn't know it yet. He walked into the common room after detention feeling somewhat better about himself than he had that morning. However, that was about to change very quickly, and there was one person who could make his self-esteem drop like a rock. It wasn't either of his parents. It wasn't Dumbledore. It wasn't even Lily M. Evans.

Cadwen O'Brien made a point to ignore James as he walked in – he should have to work a little harder for her affections, especially after that little stunt of his. The Seeker, however, didn't seem so keen to talk to her. It was the opposite of what should have happened. Instead, he had flopped across a couch. Well, then she'd just have to go talk to him, make the first move. Evans beat her to it. "Potter."

"What?" he asked, exasperated, never even shifting his position on the couch as he answered.

"I want to talk to you."

"Talk away."

"Incendio," she answered, and he jumped up off the couch with extreme speed as he felt the heat.

"What?" It was less friendly now, and his eyes were narrowed as he met hers. He knew exactly what this was about, and he wasn't in the mood to get lectured on beating up someone who obviously deserved it. Besides, it was really Snape's fault, anyways. He had provoked it.

"I am very disappointed in your actions in the past few days. It seems to me that you don't care how much they punish you, and I don't like it. Nor do I approve of the fact that you nearly killed someone!" He winced at her words as she circled him, like a vulture circling its prey. After allowing this time to sink in, Lily continued, "and I certainly don't approve of what happened before hand. If I had known what you're really like…" Her voice drifted off into nothing.

James suddenly felt the need to stop this before it went too far. "Lily, can we talk about this later? Elsewhere? I don't need the whole common room to know the ins and outs of my social life," he hissed, nodding towards Cadwen. "Or are you jealous? Trying to make me miserable? Well, guess what? You've already managed to do that." He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hands. Her grip was surprisingly strong.

"I'm not jealous of anyone who is _that_ much of a slut," Lily answered angrily, her arms crossed across her chest. He could have hit her for insulting Cadwen like that – she was jealous, and he didn't want to put up with all her childish ideas that everything would always go her way. She continued before he could tell her this, though. "Look, I know that hex must hurt. A lot. But… James, just because he did it to you…" She stopped, too angry to continue. When she finally did, the grief in her voice was clear. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you! One second, you're about to screw me, and I would have, too!" James winced at this bit of information, knowing that Cadwen was standing just on the other side of the common room. "And then you're getting your stupid revenge for no reason! I can't believe it!"

"I was never gonna screw you, Lily," he whispered, fists clenching and unclenching slowly. "And my revenge had a very good reason. You don't understand, though, and I can't really expect you to. It's not about physical pain. Besides, it's not you'll accept anything I say. You think I'm a liar. You think I'm stupid. You think that I'm the kind of guy who'll give up on anything. But I don't give up, Evans." Why was he telling her this? "Just get out of my face."

She nodded, and walked away, not protesting what he had said. Did she think that? Well, James was obviously a liar. How many times had they been walking down the halls and had him tell her that he was sure they'd end up together? And then, seventh year, everything had changed. He had forgotten about her. But she had asked him to. And likely, he hadn't really forgotten about her, judging by the way he had kissed her the afternoon before. She flopped across the couch where he had been sitting moments before, as Cadwen made her way towards the Seeker, who was simply standing there, looking impossibly desperate. Maybe she should have talked to him somewhere more private.

"So, James, when did you plan to tell me you were cheating on me?" Cadwen inquired innocently, a forcedly pleasant expression on her face.

James took a step back, as if confused by the accusations. This was all Lily's fault. If only she hadn't decided to interrogate him now – or whatever she had been doing. He couldn't keep doing this – choosing between them, dealing with Cadwen's jealousy issues, the odd feeling that had been plaguing him ever since he had slept with her. "I didn't… I mean, I haven't been cheating on you. Please, you've gotta believe me."

"How can I believe you, James?" Cadwen asked quietly, false tears forming in her eyes. "You're like she says, you're a liar. I never should have gone out with you. James, how on earth can you stand to do this to me?"

"Do what to you? Cadwen, please, I can explain. I swear that I've never cheated on you, and I'd never do anything like that." He could feel every eye in the common room watching them, and his face paled even further than it had previously. "Nothing happened between Lil- Evans and me," he lied. "I don't love her." Another lie. "I love you." How much was he going to have to perjure himself in order to stay with this girl? Still, not getting hurt remained his top priority at the moment. "Please, you've gotta believe me," he continued, desperate now, his fingers entwining with hers.

She pulled away. "And if I don't?"

"I've taken enough shit from you already, Cadwen. I don't need this kind of thing. Both you and I know that I'd never do something like that to anyone," James continued in earnest. "C'mon, don't hurt me like this."

"You're the one who's hurt me."

He saw a glint of amusement in her eye. "You know, Cadwen, I'm beginning to think that this is all an act on your part. I loved you – I still do." So maybe he was fooling himself. But only a little bit. "I want this to work, but you know, when you really love someone, you'll do anything to avoid hurting them if you can. People don't hurt people that they love." He lowered his voice. "They don't guilt them into having sex." His voice returned to a normal level, now that everyone else seemed bored with the argument. "I haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sick of being your toy, or whatever you pegged me as. I don't fit under one label, and I'm not going to try to be the perfect boyfriend you want. I've tried my best, and if you can't believe me when I say that I haven't done anything, then that's your problem." His voice was breaking, and he turned away, heading blindly towards the spot where he knew the stairs to his dormitory were.

Still on the couch, Lily whispered a single word to herself. "Liar."

.s.c.

**AN:** Review for me, everyone, and let me know what you thought of the spat. I had sooo much trouble with it, but I thought it was time to start showing the cracks in Cadwen and James' relationship.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Thanks to hhfanx2, my lovely beta Maria Overlook, and all my faithful reviewers. I love you all, and I'm going back to school, so my updates won't be so frequent anymore. Just to let you know. However, my cliffhangers may or may not continue to be just as annoying. Still don't own it.**

.s.c.

James continued up the stairs, feeling his way to the top with one hand on the banister. He kept his eyes shut as if that would keep him from crying, and keep everyone from seeing what he was feeling, the desperation he felt on the inside. How was it that he always managed to hurt himself like this? Yes, James Potter believed that all this was his own fault. He wouldn't blame Cadwen for it, or Lily, or anyone else, for that matter. He even refused to blame Snape. Because Cadwen was right. He had cheated on her. With Lily Evans, no less. How low was James going to have to go? He was lying to everyone, and he didn't like it, especially when people were seeing through these subtle masks.

Finally, the Head Boy reached the top of the stairs, where he found that the door was locked. "Shit," he muttered, getting out his wand. He didn't care what he walked in on - he had to get the cloak, and then he was leaving, possibly for good. "Alohomora," the wizard said carefully, his wand aimed at the doorknob. A flash of purple light shot from the wand and into the door, until there was a tiny click. With that, James turned the knob and entered the dormitory, his eyes focused solely on the floor.

Luckily, no one was doing anything when he walked in. Sirius, Remus and Peter were each perched on the edge of their beds, engrossed in a different book. Sirius was reaching Witch Weekly, Remus was reading up on the Wolfsbane Potion, and Peter was trying, once again, to solve his Transfiguration issues. James didn't notice this, but went straight to his trunk instead, turning over the items there in search of his invisibility cloak. He wanted to hide from the world now, and he certainly didn't want to have to face any of his friends. And they'd known him long enough that they'd never let him go mope - in their minds, that had always been unacceptable.

"Looking for something?" Sirius inquired, his eyes never leaving his magazine. "For example, you wouldn't be trying to find your invisibility cloak so that you could safely go to Hogsmeade, get drunk, come back at like three a.m., and stay in bed all day tomorrow due to the subsequent hangover?"

James sighed. Sirius Black, as usual, was right. He never exactly planned on sneaking into Hogsmeade, it just kinda happened whenever he had received an especially jarring rejection from Evans, or something of that nature. Nothing other than that had ever been able to really upset him before now, and it scared the Seeker. So why was it that he was so upset about his argument with Cadwen? He didn't even really like her that much. It was just that he didn't want to get hurt. Or was it that he didn't want to see Lily so disappointed in him ever again? Well, whatever it was, something was very, very wrong. However, James wasn't used to letting anyone see him weak like this. He forced the tears back down his throat, and turned to face his friends. "What's it to you, anyways?"

"Worried about you, Potter," Moony answered, a serious expression on his face.

"And losing the house cup," Black added, cocking an eyebrow at the Head Boy. "And the fact that you're supposed to be setting a good example for people like me." He noted the helpless look on James face, as if he was drowning, and couldn't swim and farther. And he was sinking. "What'd she do to you, anyways?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," James replied, forcing himself to regain a normal-looking face, though he couldn't quite manage even his most fake grin. "I was just gonna head down to the kitchens."

"It's not after hours. You'd have no problem getting down there," Sirius answered. "And would you mind getting me a piece of that delicious chocolate cake as long as you're going?"

James sighed again and slumped back down onto the bed. "Alright, fine. Just… where's my cloak?" There was a pause, in which all three marauders looked at each other, daring the others to take the plunge and tell Potter exactly what they had done with his invisibility cloak.

"Evans has got it," Sirius said. "And we're not going to make her give it back until you tell us what happened down there, and why you're still going out with Cadwen."

"I'm not… WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE EVANS MY CLOAK?" Obviously, Potter was infuriated, but Sirius didn't seem to be affected in the least by this interesting outburst on the Head Boy's part. James' fists were clenched, his glare focused entirely on Black. "This was all your idea, wasn't it?"

"Um, yeah. Do you honestly think that Peter is smart enough to come up with something like that?" Sirius answered, grinning, ignoring the indignant squeal that came from Pettigrew's bed. James' glare only deepened, and Black decided it was time to stop digging this hole. "Well, we gave it to Evans because that way you'd have to talk to her if you want it back. But you're going to have to talk to us before we allow Evans to give it back to you."

"Last time I checked, Lily doesn't listen to what you say," James answered, shooting a glare at the other Marauders, as if to ask why they hadn't stopped Sirius from doing this. None of them answered, and Potter realized that they must have done something, or made a deal, or something. But Lily probably wouldn't have given it back to him even if they asked her to. She hated him now, and that very thought hurt. "Look, couples fight. It's not a big deal."

"But you're cheating on Cadwen. With Lily," Peter interrupted.

"I'm not cheating on her!" James answered angrily. "Things just happen! I couldn't… Look, it was just a couple of kisses…"

It was Remus who interrupted them this time. "I think it was a lot more than that to her, Prongs. She really likes you. She's liked you since the beginning of the year, and now you've hurt her, and you've got to get her to trust you again before you two can be together."

"I'm supposed to forget about her," Potter retorted, his hazel gaze falling towards the floor as he sat down on his own bed.

"No, you're really not. Break up with Cadwen and ask her out."

"I don't want to get hurt anymore."

"But won't not taking that chance hurt a lot more?" Sirius asked, finally setting down his magazine. "I mean, isn't this the kind of thing that you'll regret for the rest of your life? You know Cadwen's cheating on you with Sean McCormack, I've told you a million times. The whole school knows. C'mon, Prongs, we all know you don't really like her, she's not a very good kisser, and she's not all that great in bed." He watched amusedly as Potter's ears went red. "Just let her go, and turn to Evans for comfort. I'm sure she'd be happy to keep you company in Hogsmeade next weekend. Come on, James. We are just looking out for your well-being. We want you to be happy, and that is something you are obviously not capable of being whenever Cadwen O'Brien is around."

"I am -" The Head Boy's voice broke as he attempted to answer this. "I am -" Once again, he barely got the second word out. It was just too hard. "I'm… I'm perfectly…" His attempts to talk were failing so far. Finally, he forced the knot in his throat away and choked the words out. "I'm perfectly capable of being happy with her. She's always been better than Evans was," he continued, more to convince himself than to alert Sirius, Remus, or Peter to that fact. "I'm going." With that, the Head Boy walked out, broomstick in hand. Maybe a good flying session would make him feel a little better about the days events. Especially since he couldn't have a bit of peace in his own dormitory.

However, James opened the door to see a flustered Lily Evans standing right in front of him. He bit his lip, taking a step back from the doorway, as if he was afraid she would hurt him or something of that nature. "Evans," the Head Boy said quietly, not bothering to ask just how much she had heard. He figured that it wasn't really important, since Cadwen was probably already spreading lies about him. "What's up?"

"I… I was sort of hoping that Sirius… was er… here." 'And that you weren't,' she added silently, wishing that she could let all her feelings out. After she had talked to Black in that empty classroom, they had gotten to be friends, at least. He, of course, hadn't been before simply because Sirius was constantly trying to hook her up with James. But she wasn't sure she would mind that so much any more. Except, by the look on Potter's face, that wasn't going to happen anytime in the near future.

"Yeah, he is," James stepped aside as the redhead stepped into the room, looking as if she had never been in the boys' dorms before. Interested in what it was that the girl had to say, James turned back towards the Marauders, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click. Before she could speak, however, he was interrogating her. "So Evans, why exactly do you have my invisibility cloak? And I am going to request that you return it to me."

"Mr. Potter, I'm afraid that's impossible," Lily answered, tossing her hair as she voiced the sentence in a way that mimicked McGonnagal's most reproving tones. "I am not returning your invisibility cloak until you prove to me that you will not be using it to sneak off with girls in the middle of the night - and yes I know about that."

James groaned. "Lily, please. I need that cloak."

"Well, you haven't proved anything, so you're not getting it. Understood?"

James didn't answer, but simply walked out, slamming the door behind him, his broomstick still clenched tightly in one hand.

.s.c.

"You might want to go a little easier on him, Lily. He's having a rough month," Sirius said quietly, watching the door intently for any sign of movement. "And McGonnagal's in the common room, she's looking for you."

The Head Girl sighed, obviously exasperated, and left as well, her back still flung over one shoulder. When she arrived back in the common room, she did not expect McGonnagal's reasons for speaking with her. "Miss Evans."

"Yes, Professor?" Lily answered, her usual smile returning to her face.

"I'd like to speak to you about your Transfiguration grade. I know that you are capable of better work than this, and that you seem distracted in my class lately. Now if your grades do not improve, you will have to drop my class." She handed Lily an essay she had worked especially hard on the week before.

The grade marked at the top was a mere 'A.' Average. That was something Lily definitely didn't want to be. She was more than Average. And how would anyone ever notice her if she was less that? Even Potter was losing interest, and he had been the one guy who was always intoxicated by her. The only guy she had ever noticed back. But he was so bad for her - he was too good-looking. His muscles were too hard, and he had probably screwed so many more people than she had. They had nothing in common. She was the good girl who did every she was supposed to, who was always perfect. And he was her temptation, the school bad boy. The one guy she wasn't supposed to date. "I understand, Professor," the Head Girl answered, smiling.

"Good, Miss Evans," the Transfiguration teacher said before walking out of the common room, head held high. Lily turned in the opposite direction and hurried back up the stairs to where she knew she would find Sirius Black. She knocked on the closed door, until she heard the Animagus' voice.

"Come on in."

Lily did exactly that, a smile that was obviously forced on her pale features. The dorm was empty now, except fo one Sirius Black. Lupin and Pettigrew must have headed down to talk to people as they usually did in the evenings. Especially now that they had all confronted James about his problems. Lily had heard more of that conversation that she had really cared to. "Hey, Sirius," she said quietly, crossing to sit on the bed across from Black's - a bed she didn't know belonged to James. He chuckled softly, his dark eyes twinkling at her. "What?" the Head Girl asked incredulously, staring at him.

"Nothing," Black answered calmly. "I just find it interesting that of all the beds in this room, you choose to sit on Potter's. Maybe he smells good or something. Tell me, what happened between you two?"

"Nothing!" Lily retorted all too aggressively. And she couldn't ignore that stare Sirius was giving her. "We snogged twice, that's it, all right?" She rose, walking seductively towards Black's bed. "And would you rather have me sit over here?" Before he could answer, she was sitting too close to him on his bed, feeling the perspiration at her forehead. "Sirius, has anyone ever told you you're more attractive than he is?"

"Every day, my dear," the youth replied before he realized exactly what she was doing. "What did McGonnagal have to say?" he said inquisitively, hurrying to change the subject. After all, for once in his life, he had a steady girlfriend, one who he actually cared about.

"Just that I'm failing, and if I don't get my grades up, she's gonna make me drop that class. But really, it's nothing. I just…" Her voice drifted off into nothing, and she stared harder into his eyes. "Sirius, what am I supposed to do?" She leaned even closer, and he looked somewhat uncomfortable until what precious little space was left between them. Her lips were crushed against his, and her fingers threaded through his hair as he kissed her back until his mind caught up with too-fast hormones.

"Lily, you know I can't. I'm sorry." But had he been able to, he still wouldn't have been the school good-girl's pity shag. School good-girls weren't supposed to have pity shags. And they weren't supposed to go out with people like James Potter, either. "Look, James is out on the quidditch pitch, flying around feeling sorry for himself. Go out there and meet him. Tell him you love him, because he needs to hear that. And as much as he refuses to admit it, he loves you back."

Lily bit her lip, a silent tear running down her cheek. "I don't want to love him anymore."

"You do, or it wouldn't hurt this much," Sirius persisted, wiping away that one tear. "Take the cloak, if you want. It's kinda fun knowing that no one can see you. Except Mrs. Norris. She can see through the cloak." Lily nodded and pulled away from the youth she had pegged as so much less, turned, and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her.

.s.c.

Flying was always an exhilarating experience for James Potter. Even now, when he was more upset than he had ever been in his life, he felt slightly calmer in the air. However, for the past few minutes, there was a dot on the ground that kept distracting him from his lonely thoughts. A redheaded dot. Lily. His heard raced at the very thought. Dipping into a dive, James landed abruptly, almost clumsily. He flipped forwards off the broomstick onto the hard, cold Earth, head spinning from the impact. "Lily?" he inquired quietly, staring up at her for a moment before clambering to his feet.

"James," she answered quietly, a small, forced smile showing through her tears.

"What's the matter?" the Seeker asked intuitively, wiping away a few of those tears with.

"Nothing's wrong. I've just had a really shitty night, alright. I just wanna go home."

"I could walk with you, if you want," James rejoined, and it took all Lily's will power to refuse. She couldn't stop thinking about the boy when he wasn't around, so how could she turn him down when he was right here in front of her? Despite everything that he had done, he had stolen her heart, and it wasn't coming back.

"I don't think you understand!" the redhead exclaimed, placing a hand over her eyes, backing away from him by a bit, into the door to the locker rooms.

"I think I could try. Talk to me, flower," he answered her, moving closer, never touching her as the flood of tears finally let loose. Why couldn't she hide her feelings from him? Why had he just reverted to that name he had called her since second year? Why didn't it ignore her anymore? All at once, the rain fell out of the sky, only this time, Evans didn't run. Instead, she threw herself into Potter's arms, her fingers threading through that messy mop that he called hair, Words weren't necessary, at least for now, as the two Gryffindors stood there. She leaned into his chest, playing with his hair as he waited patiently for her tears to stop.

Finally, they did stop, but the rain kept going. "Lily?" Potter inquired, pulling her face off his chest for a moment. "Do you want to dance?"

"Do you want to make sure I don't fail Transfiguration?" she retorted, knowing that he wouldn't want to tutor her. Except he took her right hand in his left, his right drifting down to her hip. She took that as a yes. They turned around the corner of the Quidditch pitch, as close together as they could get, as Lily memorized every line on his face. That scar on his jaw that she always noticed in her dream wasn't there - not yet. "James," she whispered, and his eyes snapped open.

"Shh…" he whispered into her ear, pausing before beginning a slow, simple melody.

_Love can't get away from me_

_I've caught you in my grasp_

_And I'll never let you go_

'_Till you swear you're mine…_

.s.c.

**AN: Love you all, review so school doesn't completely depress me.**


	14. Chapter 14

I'm alive! So here's your next chapter. Sorry it tooketh so longeth.

.s.c.

James didn't wake up until nearly eleven the next morning, to find himself curled into a tight ball, his wet clothes discarded across the dormitory floor. He smiled at the thought of what had happened last night. Everything was okay between him and Lily now, apparently. And the best part was that he had an excuse to spend an hour a week with her. Transfiguration tutoring. It surprised James that she even needed it – Lily was not the type to allow her grades to fall, unless something was seriously wrong. Potter was finding every excuse not to think about as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a yellow tee-shirt that read 'Come Swim With Me' in bold black letters across the front.

Finally, he made his way down to the common room, and was greeted by the sight of Sirius Black playing chess with Remus Lupin. "Oh, c'mon, Moony. She loves you. It's not gonna matter to her. Just ask her out… I'll pay you… Twenty Galleons."

James took a seat in the free chair resting off to the side. "So, Moony, who are you asking out? Would it be, by any chance… Grace?" He laughed as the werewolf blushed a deep crimson. "She likes you, ya know, and she's not gonna change her mind just because of a… little problem." He paused; Remus was looking dubious. "Okay, here's the deal. I'm tutoring Lily on Thursday. If you ask Grace, I'll do something to get Lily's attention."

"Deal," Lupin answered quietly, watching James try and hide his panic. It was obvious that the Quidditch star hadn't actually thought that he would have to do something to get Lily's attention. "But Prongs, why don't you tell us where you went last night?"

It was James' turn to blush. "I was out on the Quidditch Pitch," he answered calmly and honestly. He was just omitting certain facts.

"With?" Sirius prompted.

Potter lowered his voice. "Evans. I was out there with Evans. But really… I've got a girlfriend. Unless you two want me to die at the hands of an ice princess, keep quiet about this. Please."

"Question, Prongs. If she's such a cold hard bitch, why are you dating her?"

The Head Boy winced at the language, before getting up and leaving without answering Sirius's question. He didn't need this, not from his best friend, not when he had enough relationship problems already. He liked Cadwen. And she was probably the best he would ever do.

.s.c.

Before now, Lily Evans had never gotten nervous about a tutoring session. But then, she had never been tutored before. She had always been the teacher. It was a simple tutoring session, that was all. But what if he thought she was stupid or something? She didn't think she would be able to take it if James Potter thought she was stupid. After that night on the Quidditch pitch, she had been thinking about him differently, as if he was the only guy in the entire world. Who else obsessed over what to wear to a study session? That was essentially what this was… But James Potter. Anyone would obsess over that body, and they did. Lily had no illusions as to just how popular both James and Sirius were – based on the newspaper articles and pictures posted throughout the girls' dormitories.

Finally, she pulled on a plain black sweater, and picked up a few books before walking down to the Heads' Meeting room, where their study session was supposed to take place. When she arrived, James was already there, stretched out on the floor, watching a turtle crawl across the carpet. "Hello, Potter. What's with the turtle?" she inquired quietly, setting her books down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"This is Lightening the Man-eating Turtle – Sirius named him. Anyways, we're going to be turning him into a jewelry box right now." He stared up at her from his position on the floor, and the redhead felt slightly dizzy as her breath caught in her throat. Sitting up, the Quidditch Star placed the turtle gently on the coffee table and moved to the couch. "Have a seat. Do you remember the incantation?"

"Umm… Bagués?" (Yes, I take French.)

"Correct. Lily, you are good at memorizing facts, are you not?"

"I suppose."

"I suggest you use that to your advantage."

Use that to her advantage, how? Was he trying to get her to remember something he had said? Fuck, he didn't even like her. He was, after all, dating Cadwen O'Brien. "Um, okay… So… should we get started?"

"We've already gotten started. Do you want to try the incantation, or what?"

The first try was a complete failure. Nothing happened whatsoever. James was frowning at the ill-named turtle, who didn't even look dazed. "Well, you've got to think about what you want it to turn into. Were you thinking about the jewelry box?"

"I was trying."

"Okay, why don't we try again, and this time, focus solely on that jewelry box," Potter answered, watching her as she tried the spell again.

This time, the turtle changed, but not completely. The jewelry box kept wiggling, as if something was trying to get out of it. James couldn't help but laugh. This reaction was greeted by a gentle slap to one cheek. He simply stuck his tongue out at her and turned the box back into a turtle. "Why don't you try again, this time without slapping me?" Oh, how she hated that smug look on his face. She repeated the incantation, this time with her entire mind focused on that stupid turtle.

Lily didn't even realize she had closed her eyes until she opened them. James was smiling now, that perfect half-smile that made her heart skip a beat. And the turtle was now a jewelry box. She turned to stare at the Head Boy, never even thinking about Cadwen as she leaned in to kiss Potter. He was too shocked to respond at first, but quickly recovered. It was only when Lily tried to deepen the kiss that he pulled away. "Lily, I… I can't. I've got Cadwen…"

"I don't see how you can like someone like her."

"She's not as bad as everyone seems to think she is… Look, Lily --" But he was interrupted.

"She's cheating on you! Just go up to the astronomy tower Thursdays at four!"

"She's being tutored, that's all!" The Head Boy shouted, annoyed that Lily would even suggest such a thing to him. She was probably just doing this to hurt him…

"In astronomy, during the day?" Lily retorted, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I…" He stood up. "Lily, I have to go." He didn't have to go, but still. He couldn't stay around any longer. And… was it true? Or was Evans just trying to get him to break up with Cadwen? Did she want him to get hurt? What did she want? It was a question he had pondered for years, and he still didn't answer. But it was quite possible, either way, that his girlfriend was, in fact, sleeping with someone else. The horror. He checked his watch. It was four-thirty. Thursday. He had to know.

.s.c.

James walked sadly up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, scared of what he would find there. What if Lily was right? What if she had been cheating on him all this time, and he had never known about it? Hell, he hadn't been willing to believe Sirius, but there was something about the way that Lily spoke those horrible words. Finally, he climbed the final step to the tower, to witness a heart-breaking sight.

There she was, lying on the cold hard stone floor, her hands threaded through Sean McCormack's dirty-blond hair, his body pressed against hers. Cadwen was drawn too deep into their kisses to even notice James' presence, a detail that made this even more difficult for him. "Cadwen?" He questioned, and watched as she pushed the other teenager off her, as his hands slid out from under her shirt. James could have killed the idiot.

Instead, he had Cadwen O'Brien clinging to his shirt, as if that could keep him in her grasp for even one moment longer. His hazel eyes had grown icy, and it was obvious that he didn't care what the girl in front of him said. He had put his heart out there again, and she had ripped it into a thousand little pieces. "How could you?" His voice was dangerously cold, as he glared at the blonde. "I trusted you, I loved you. You lied to me. You're obviously happier with him."

"No, James, you know that's not true…" He felt her fingers in his hair. It was the last time he would ever feel something like that... He pushed her away, glaring at her.

"Don't touch me. I hate you. Hate you." His voice cracked as he turned away. "Cadwen, it's over." With that, he walked back down the stairs, depressed. How could she have done this to him? Lily knew this would hurt him – why did she have to tell him? James was angry at the redhead for ruining everything. First, she ruined his reputation, his confidence, his life. Now she had to get rid of his girlfriend, and for what? It wasn't as if she gave a damn about what happened to him. It was with morbid, depressing thoughts that James walked up to his dormitory, the entire common room staring at him. He flopped across his bed and fell asleep, not caring what happened to him after this.

How could he have fallen for her act?

.s.c.

_Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe he was still with her, maybe nothing had ever happened. Maybe he had just imagined everything – except why would he have dreamed all this? This was a living hell. Everyone was laughing at him, watching him fall, struggle to get back up, and collapse a final time. Finally, he was losing the sense of where he was, falling down into the dark haziness of dreams._

_Here he was, somewhere he had never been before, standing in front of a white door. Obviously, being James Potter, he had to open it. The room was dark, with moonlight streaming across the hardwood floor. A figure sat up in the bed at the far end of the room, and upon hearing that voice, he let his cloak drop to the ground. Lily Evans? He was in a room with a bed and Lily Evans in her pajamas. Wow. No. He hated her. Before she could speak again, he turned on his heel and left the room, at a run. He was confronted by Padfoot. He tried to flee that, too, but he was pursued, until the big black dog assaulted him and dragged him back to reality._

Groggily, James tried to fight Sirius off, to go back to sleep. It was his only escape at the moment, even if it wasn't a very good one. "Go 'way…"

"You dumped her?"

"Fuck you."

"Oh, c'mon, Prongs, lighten up. You know what this means?" Sirius inquired gleefully.

"That I hate you?"

"No, we can go clubbing!"

"You go clubbing," James answered, pulling the covers back up over his head. "I'm staying right here."

"So what happened to make you break up with her?"

"Evans told me. She was cheating on me."

"Evans? But I didn't know… Oh, Cadwen was cheating on you. But I told you that a million times."

"It's Evans' fault – she told me to go up to the astronomy tower… I hate her."

"But James, you're not allowed to hate her."

"I fucking hate her, end of story," James answered quietly, sitting up. "She ruined everything." With that, the seeker buried his face in his hands, feeling like he might as well curl up and die right now. Everything was so bad. And he had been so blind to her infidelity. He decided not to fight Sirius anymore, though, and followed his friend down the stairs to a cheerful common room. Cadwen wasn't there, but Lily was.

A week ago, James would have given his broomstick to have Lily walk across the room towards him and wrap comforting arms around him, and whisper, "It'll be okay, I promise," in his ear. Now, however, things were totally and completely different. He pushed her away as soon as she got close to him, his hazel eyes cold as ice. The push had been harder than he had meant for it to be – she winced, and out of reflex, sent her hand hurtling towards his cheek. Slap. James winced visibly, and the sharp crack of her hand against his cheek silenced the common room immediately.

Noting this, the Head Boy lowered his voice as he gingerly touched his cheek, feeling the bruise that was rapidly spreading across his face. "What was that for? I haven't done anything to you, and you just have to come and ruin my relationships, don't you?"

"I didn't want it to hurt you. Besides, you'd probably be hurt even more if you were in that relationship any longer," the redhead replied, fighting the desire to reach out and run her hands through his hair. Anything to make him feel better. But it seemed, right now, that he didn't want anyone to get close to him. She doubted that he would let them. And it was all Cadwen O'Brien's fault.

"Evans, please. Don't remind me."

.s.c.

Yeah, I know, I know. I haven't posted in forever, but I haven't had time, and I was incredibly annoyed with other versions of this chapter. For now, though, I've given up on having it be good, and am actually trying to 'just get a chapter up.' So, review for me, and make me happy. And maybe… Just maybe I'll write a little faster. :-b


	15. Chapter 15

Yay! It's another chapter! Thanks to all my loverly reviewers. I heart you all. Anyways, if I owned it, trust me, I wouldn't be writing this crap.

.y.g.e.

It was nearly a month later, the week of midterms that Sirius Black had a plan. Lily was miserable – she constantly sighed during classes, as if anxious about something. And James was miserable. He made remarks about how all girls were the same, how they couldn't' be trusted, how he'd never have anything to do with one ever again. At least, not emotionally. The poor guy had spent quite a bit of time in the dorm, venturing out only to eat, go to classes, and do all his duties as Head Boy.

In any case, Sirius had a plan. It would carefully executed, and it would work – it had to. So Sirius had only one thing in mind as he scoured the school grounds for a certain red-haired Head Girl. He found Lily Evans in an empty classroom, a heavy transfiguration book resting on her lap, saw her wipe something off her face as she heard the door creak shut behind him. "Hey, Evans," the Gryffindor said quietly, crossing the room to where she sat on a table.

"Get out, Black," the girl replied, feebly, knowing that he wouldn't, that he'd offer some good advice, whether or not she actually wanted to hear it. Sirius Black didn't care what you wanted to hear… If he wanted to say it, you had no choice but to listen to him.

"No," he answered stubbornly, noting the red and puffy appearance of her eyes, making their extraordinary color stick out even more than usual. "Why are you crying over James? I mean, he was such an asshole… You used to say so yourself… all the time. At some point, I don't think he responded to anything else. I mean, is he really worth this?"

'Yes,' Lily thought, but she didn't dare voice that opinion, at the expense of her dignity. Sirius was right – James Potter was an arrogant asshole, and she deserved better. She deserved someone who would actually care about her… Someone like… "No, he's not. He's not worth it." It took all of her willpower to prevent herself from tearing up again. After all, what would Sirius think of that sort of show of emotion? He was so detached from everything… When had he really committed to anyone in the past? He was exactly what she needed. He was the sort of person who she could abuse without feeling a bit of guilt. "Sirius… Just leave me alone... for now." She pushed herself off the desk and wrapped arms around him for a moment, burying her face against his chest, memorizing the scent of her crush's best friend. Seducing Sirius would kill James… And he would deserve it.

Sirius returned the hug, forcing himself to relax as he felt her warm breath penetrate his shirt. This was forbidden… James would kill him. But that was the entire point. Potter would have to find out in order for this to work. The whole school would find out. And Lily and James would realize what they both really wanted. Finally, he loosened his grip on Evans and handed her the transfiguration book she had been staring at earlier. "I'll talk to you later." He watched her leave, wondering how he was going to be able to hold up to the challenge.

.y.g.e.

There were several challenges that had to be overcome in this plan, Sirius thought as he strolled down to breakfast that Saturday. First of all, there was his conscience – that would be fairly easy. All he had to do is convince himself that she never would have gotten together with James had if it wasn't for him doing this. Yes, that was it. He was doing this for James. Then there was the fact that James would most likely try and murder him. So he'd just have to stay alert. That wouldn't be hard… He could overpower James in a fistfight easily… And magically, they were well-matched. Of course, the Head boy would be at a disadvantage here because of his temper. So that wouldn't really be a factor. There was just the actual execution of the plan. He couldn't let it go too far… And he couldn't let it affect his life in the slightest.

Both James and Lily were already at breakfast when Sirius arrived. James was at the opposite end of the table, laughing (no doubt over some crude joke) with the Quidditch team. Lily was sitting alone with the latest issue of the Daily Prophet, munching absentmindedly on a bagel as her thoughts drifted to the previous night. Launching his plan, Black joined Lily at the table, and after asking her for the jam, he started a conversation. "So… I hope you're feeling better today."

"Oh yes, much better," the redhead replied, forcing a smile onto her face. "What about you?" The question was said out of manners, and Lily did not anticipate the response at all.

"I was just wondering if you were interested in getting retribution. Because I'm good for that sort of thing. In fact, I've already come up with several plans you could use to get back at him."

"What do you mean?" Lily inquired, cocking an eyebrow at Sirius, mistrustful of these so-called ideas, all of which undoubtedly involved some sort of seduction on someone's part. That was just the way Sirius was… or the way he had been until he met Kim. She pushed the thought from her mind – or rather, Black did when he pressed his lips against hers, pulling away after a moment went without a response.

"What do you think I mean?" Sirius replied gently, his hand wandering to her waist.

"What are you doing?" she inquired instead of answering his question.

He faked a bout of nerves for a moment. "Well…" The Marauder paused uncertainly, as if unsure of what he had to say. "I don't know. I just don't know."

He didn't miss how Lily's eyes flickered towards James for a moment, and a pang of guilt hit him like a brick. No. He was doing this for James. "You what?" the redhead asked.

"I… Well, I've always found you attractive. And you're not just pretty. You're smart, witty, you don't act like anyone else…" He paused again. "I don't know."

Her eyes narrowed slightly at James again before returning to Sirius' 'honest' face. "I believe you, I really do. But how do I know you really mean this? I'm not the kind of girl you like. I don't get over meaningless relationships easily."

"This is different, I promise you," Sirius reassured her. "The thing is… I'm James' best friend, and I couldn't do this unless I was sure he wouldn't kill me for it. And he's given up, right? So he can't kill me for doing… this." He captured her lips in his once more, this time getting a response from the Head Girl.

At the entrance to the great hall, Kim McCracken, a look of disgust on her face, turned around and walked right back out of the room, betrayed by both friend and boyfriend.

.y.g.e.

Yes, it is short. Yes, it is awesome. Yes, it is a cliffhanger. Yes, if you review, you will see another chapter soon. Especially if your review contains suggestions for where I should go with it, has great grammar, and is a paragraph long. Yes, I love inspirational reviews – they make me write fast.


	16. Chapter 16

I know you all are dying with suspense, so I decided to post what was originally supposed to be part of chapter 15. But you know how close they're getting to getting together (hopefully), so really. I really HAVE to draw it out, ya know? Thanks to my reviewers, especially pOisoNxKissEs. I don't own Harry Potter, but please review my story anyways.

.y.g.e.

Remus was oblivious. He stood at the edge of the great hall, staring in, debating the chance he was about to take. Sirius had been bugging him about it for ages. But was it really that obvious? How could he have made his emotions that plain to the entire school like that? Did they all really know what he felt?

No. It was impossible for them to know the pain he had suffered since he had seen her on the day back. She was too pretty for him to abandon. Maybe it wasn't an ostentatious type of pretty, but none the less, she was gorgeous. She was Grace Chester. He was obsessed. In fact, Sirius had suggested that he and James get together and mourn their hopeless love lives together. No. He wouldn't turn into James. He wouldn't spend the rest of his life obsessed with that glossy brown hair that was always tossed up into a low, messy ponytail, her bangs swept across one bright blue eye. Those eyes were incredible, bright blue with the slightest tinge of turquoise. They were intoxicating. Remus would have given anything to stare into those eyes for just a few minutes every day for the rest of his life. That would be his paradise.

Alas, he would never achieve that paradise – he was too much of a monster. Once they found out about what he really was, everyone abandoned him. And if he wanted to stare at her for the rest of his life, she would have to know. It wasn't something he was certain he could accept.

He was a monster. She was perfection. They were too different. How long would it be before she noticed that he was always sick? What would happen if he ever got careless? What if he ended up putting her in danger? Undoubtedly, that would be the outcome of the entire fiasco, at least in the long run. He couldn't do that. But neither could he live without her.

With a deep breath, Remus entered the great hall, choosing the empty seat next to Grace that had been reserved for Kim only moments before. Of course, Kim wasn't coming to breakfast. And the fact that Remus was here changed everything for Grace.

"Hey," the brunette said quietly, offering him a genuine smile. She watched as he reached for a pitcher of orange juice, certain that he didn't know that she loved the way the sinewy muscles in his arms flexed, the way a sandy hair fell across grey eyes. Honestly, he was perfect. And that was why she worried. He was sick too often. His disposition – naturally kind – was exactly what she wanted, and she wouldn't lose that, not for any reason. Maybe he had some sort of disease. Maybe that was why he held back so much of the time. Maybe that was why he never seemed to be able to quite keep up with Sirius and James.

Remus carefully sipped his orange juice, observing the table carefully as he did so. "Why is Lily looking at Sirius like that?" he asked suddenly, eyes narrowing on the redhead. "It's like she's…. It's like she's attracted to him or something. She hates Sirius, doesn't she?" A quick scan of the table revealed the fact that James Potter had either left, or had never been here to begin with.

"Well…" Grace began slowly, carefully. She hadn't known what she was going to tell Kim when the blonde showed up. Luckily enough, the girl had failed to do so yet this morning. Well, no cause to worry yet. "I don't know what happened, really. But I think Sirius might be manipulating her in order to piss off James or something. Because Kim has told me how much he despises Lily's morals. He thinks she should have more fun. But this morning… This is some sort of plan. You see, he came in this morning, and sat down next to her, and they started talking about something, and then he kissed her. And the first time, she didn't kiss him back. And she seemed kind of dubious about it. And then he convinced her of something, and they started snogging right there at the table. And then James saw them, and he just walked out. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry at anyone." She stared up into his eyes, begging him silently for an answer to what was happening.

"I'd bet you anything that Sirius is abusing his relationship with Kim to get James and Lily together."

"I'll bet you a date. Loser pays." She looked up at him, hopeful.

"I'd take you anyways," he replied, smiling, James and Lily and Sirius and Kim forgotten for the moment. "What do you say we sneak into Hogsmeade sometime, and have dinner and walk around a bit and come back to the castle extremely late at night?"

"Oh, I'd love to," Grace answered, smiling. "Is that a line? It sounds like something Sirius or James would say."

"What can I do? I've spent the last 6 years with them." He laughed. "Don't worry, it's not their fault. They have swollen heads – they can't help it."

The brunette became serious almost immediately. "Remus, we can't let Sirius do this to Kim. And we can't let Lily do this to James."

"I think it's more what Sirius is doing to James."

.y.g.e.

What Sirius was doing to James was, indeed, pretty terrible.

The Head Boy could only sit there, on the top of the astronomy tower, and stare out over the Forbidden Forest, clutching his knees to his chest, a lock of hair obscuring his eyes, missing their spectacles. Everything before him had turned blurry, and he pulled himself back together, trying to ignore the nagging pain in his chest, the steady ache that pulled at his heartstrings, threatening to break them with each beat, each throb throwing his entire body back into the chaos of this betrayal.

Unable to hold on any longer, the Head Boy rose and descended the stairs, back into the main section of the castle, strolling aimlessly through the halls. His hair had been mussed by the wind, and he was still missing his glasses. The people were blurry, still, as if James had fallen into a surreal dream, something that could never actually happen. And so he wandered back to his dorm, stripped off his shirt and jeans, and crawled back into bed, wishing he had the stuffed cat that had never left his sight when he was younger.

The cat had been black, with white feet, and a white dot on the end of its tail. It was stuffed, and he had once imagined that it was real. It had been one of his few companions in childhood, seeing as his parents weren't usually around to take him to play-dates with the Weasleys, the Prewetts, the Blacks. He had been lonely as a boy. And his parents never would have consented to a play-date with the Blacks. No, they had too much of that superiority complex. They thought they were better than everyone. They hated anything and everything with the least bit of anything to do with the muggle world. Any impurity was wrong. Toujours pur.

Sirius still thought like the rest of his clan, after everything that the Potters had done for him. They had taken him into their home, taken him on vacation, paid for his school books. Everything. And this was how he repaid James. The Head Boy yawned, as his eyes drifted shut, pulling him down into the world of sleep.

.y.g.e.

_This was funny, James thought. He was sitting in a picture. It was the picture in his Dad's old Muggle studies book, the chapter with Muggle traditions. He was sitting in the picture of the Muggle marriage, wearing one of the suits that the Muggle men always wore to these formal functions. It was grey, and he had a horribly tight yellow tie wrapped around his neck. It was practically strangling him. In a moment, he would wish that it was._

_There was only one difference. In the picture in the book, there had been a woman dressed in an ornate, obviously expensive white dress and veil standing at the front of the congregation, holding hands with a respectable-looking man. In the picture, they looked like the perfect couple, and you knew, just by seeing them, that everything about their marriage would be perfect. They would have sex every other night, missionary position (always), end up with four kids – two girls, two boys, live in an exquisite house in the country. And their children would have top grades. He would have a great job, and she would stay home and take care of the children._

_Except it wasn't like that at all. Everyone stood up as the bridal procession entered, and James joined them promptly. It was no longer the blonde girl in the white dress. It was Lily. He shut his eyes, in the dream, shocked. And when he opened them again, he was entranced. In fact, he was almost so entranced that he didn't notice the man at her side. It was Sirius. Bastard. What sort of person went around sleeping with his best friend's girl?_

_Wait. Since when was Lily his? She just was. James had always considered her to be his responsibility. It was something the Marauders had silently agreed on ages ago. And so he sat down, for now, watching the ceremony in silent horror. "Lily." She didn't turn, as she took Black's hands, smiling like the girl in the picture. And then she looked past Sirius for a moment. Straight at him. He watched the tear slide down her cheek, the mouthed apology._

_I'm sorry, James._

_How could she be sorry? Why couldn't she just prevent it? He stood up again. "Lily, don't do this. You know Sirius. And you know me. And you know what he'll do. Lily, I'm begging you. Stop this now, before it goes too…" He watched Sirius draw his wand and shout a few choice words._

_Avada Kedavra._

.y.g.e.

He sat up, gasping for breath, shivering from the cold, sweating from the heat. Shudders shook his body as he tried to digest the dream and figure out what it could possibly mean for him. Surely, Sirius wouldn't kill him. No, he'd kill himself first. Maybe he wasn't supposed to fight for Lily. Maybe he wasn't supposed to fight for her at her wedding. Maybe it was just a meaningless nightmare. He huddled deeper under the blankets for a moment, trying to subdue his body's reaction the dream.

Something had to be done to fix this. He'd die if he had to watch Lily in that picture. She didn't look like she was a part of that picture. No, she was part of something better than that photograph. She was real life, vibrant. She could do anything. And she was an excellent kisser.

Oh, yes, he would do things tomorrow. But in order for his plan to work, he'd need food. And that meant dinner. Inspired, James got up, got dressed, and left immediately for the Great Hall.

.y.g.e.

Lily and Sirius arrived shortly after James, holding hands. Apparently, after just one day, they had become much closer. However, Sirius quickly shifted his arm so that it was wrapped around the redhead, drawing lazy circles down her side with his thumb, feeling her sink into him a little more. He caught James staring at them in a combination of anger, sorrow, and disbelief, but kept walking anyways, until they were sitting at the crowded Gryffindor table. Dumbledore said a few words, (poke, sniffle, snap, pop) and they began to eat. "Don't stop," Lily whispered to a very hungry Sirius Black, as he moved to remove his hand from her side. Her voice was laced with desire, as if she actually wanted to be with him. What if this wasn't done to get James back? What if, in her mind, it was simply revenge?

"I'm hungry," he whispered back, reaching for the roast pork, never noticing the look of pure vengeance on her face. He did, however, feel her hand come to rest on his leg. Acting as if nothing was happening, he continued to eat after that momentary pause.

Lily knew she had to be crazy to do this. Here she was, doing things that could seduce Sirius Black. And that wasn't what she wanted at all. No, she wanted James Potter. But at least, with Sirius, she could pretend. Their eyes met for a moment, his eyes questioning, hers daring him to say something.

"Lily, why is your hand on my leg?" he asked quietly, trying to control his own reaction to her. This was dangerous. These were uncharted waters, and he wanted to turn back now, before he lost control of the boat and things started happening.

She moved her hand further up the leg, smiling at him. "Is this better?"

"Uh…" Damn, she couldn't even let him eat in peace. Instinctively, his hands gripped the edge of the table, ceasing to eat for almost 15 seconds (a record for Sirius). "Lily, we can't do this. You have to stop. Now. Before…" He drifted off, staring earnestly at her.

"Stop what?" the redhead asked innocently, and her hand brushed against 'something' between his legs before pulling away.

He shuddered, still gripping the table, staring down at his full plate of roast pork. Damn her. Why the hell did she have to be so seductive? Why couldn't she just make this easy for him? Holding hands, whatever? Why couldn't that be enough? After all, in a day or two, James would capitulate, come up with something sweet and adorable, and they'd be back together, back to normal. And he and Kim…

"Oh shit. Kim."

.y.g.e.

So there you are. Just gotta love how oblivious Sirius is, eh? Well, you may get a few conclusions in the next chapter… And you'll find out what James is going to do in order to get Lily back. If he doesn't chicken out. After all, it could be physically painful… Just review for me, please.


	17. Chapter 17

This is it. Chapter 17. You all should be so proud. No, I do not own Hogwarts, Harry Potter, or anything associated with it. I am not JK Rowling. I do own Grace Chester and Kim McCracken. Visit my xanga (slavetoshostakovich) for more writing updates.

.y.g.e.

It was nine o'clock. James was no contemplating sleep. After all, 26 miles was a long way to go, especially early in the morning. He still wasn't entirely sure that he'd be able to drag himself out of bed that early, without the thought that Lily might still like him, with only more pain then he could have possibly imagined to look forwards to. But no matter what, he had to try. He knew even now that he'd never be able to live with himself if Sirius hurt Lily. Or Kim. Knowing Sirius, he hadn't even thought to break up with Kim in the first place. Which meant that the poor girl had to be off somewhere, contemplating the bastard's death.

As if on cue, Sirius and Lily walked in, standing far too close to each other, their fingers twined together almost inseparably. James looked on as Sirius kissed the redhead goodnight, slipping her more than a little tongue in the process. Lily lingered for a moment before heading up the stairs to the girls dorms. When she was gone, James was in shock, a hand over his heart, his eyes narrowed on his former best friend.

"What's kicking, Prongs?" Sirius asked coolly, sinking down into the chair opposite James.

"Well, in a minute, I'm gonna kick your ass…" The Head Boy's voice was cold and hard, as if he was determined not to let Lily go so easily. Beating up his best friend seemed to be the only way to hang to her, now or ever. It didn't even matter now whether or not he lost Sirius as a friend now. He had spent four years of his life pining away for Lily; even when he was going out with Cadwen, he had been crushing on her. Now, it wasn't any different. He was just fighting harder now.

"Look, if this about Lily—"

"Now why would this be about Lily?" James retorted, cutting off the other Gryffindor.

"I saw you at dinner," Sirius answered calmly. "Fuming in your seat, you were." He sighed before continuing. "But I really don't understand… I mean, don't you hate her? And since you're no longer interested in her, I wasn't about to pass up a piece of ass like _that_."

"You're a bastard, Sirius," James replied, his eyes narrowing further. "For you, she's just another girl, isn't she? You probably wouldn't give a damn if she broke up with you. And poor Kim. I'm sure you broke up with her first, right?"

"You've seen Kim?" Black answered earnestly, suddenly sitting up in his chair, genuinely concerned for the blonde, dying to talk to her, to explain himself. If she got hurt, he'd never forgive himself.

"Yes," the Head Boy replied. "And I'm not telling you where she is. I hope you know that she hates you for doing what you did to her. And I, for one, am not going to force her to even speak with someone like you."

"Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you don't care about anyone but yourself. It means that you're exactly like your family."

That was it for Sirius. Combined with the revelation that Kim absolutely _hated_ him, the comparison between him and his family was unbearable. This was a stereotype he had been trying to escape for seven years, and he had failed. And he gave into the anger that overwhelmed him. Attacking James with overwhelming vigor, he threw only one punch before the Head Boy had dodged his way out of the armchair, fists raised to retaliate. There was nothing left to say, as they fought for the first time in their lives, Potter pushing the other youth back into the wall, a hand pressed against Sirius' neck.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the seeker asked venomously, his hand closing around the other boy's airway. "You hurt her, and I swear I'll kill you." With a final thrust, he let his friend sink to the floor and turned to go upstairs to bed.

.y.g.e.

Sirius moved slowly to the couch, his head coming to rest on a plump gold pillow. This part of the common room was pretty much submerged in darkness, as none of the lights had been turned on, and the fire was on the other side of the room entirely. The youth's eyes fell shut almost immediately, as if going to sleep would allow him to forget everything that had happened today, about how he was ruining his life for a friend who thought he was exactly like every other perfect Slytherin who had come out of Grimmauld Place.

However, he was not asleep so quickly that he didn't see the light above him turn on through shut eyes. The black of his vision turned to red, and Black opened his eyes slowly and sat up, his eyes enraptured by the image before him.

It was Kim, dressed in rather tight jeans and a pink v-neck, her hair pulled back out of her face, blue eyeliner casting her eyes into a sexy, smoky shadow. "I bet you wish you could have me, you bastard," she said, before Sirius could say anything in apology.

"Kim, we need to talk."

"Maybe we should have 'talked' before you decided to ask out one of my best friends. Too bad Grace is taken… You could have had the three of us. Or is Remus not speaking to you, either? I wouldn't blame him… You're kind of an asshole, anyways."

"Kim…"

"I'm sick of you playing stupid with me, pretending that you actually care. Even now, when you've cheated on me, you think that I'll believe that you still like me. Well, maybe everyone else would listen to the **_great Sirius Black_**, but I won't." She paused, glaring at him, at the helpless look on his face. Well, he was getting exactly what he deserved. And all he could do right now was sit there and drool. It was sad, really… "You know, I'm sick of everyone thinking that because I have all this –" She motioned towards her body, as her hands returned to their former positions on her hips. "I don't have any mental capacity whatsoever. I'm sick of that, you bastard."

"Kim."

She slapped him. "Don't even play dumb. You're a bastard. You're a fucking bastard with nothing better to do than trick me into thinking that you actually cared. Hell, you never cared about me! And I was stupid enough to believe that you meant it when you said you loved me." A few stray tears slipped down her cheeks, against her will. This was the last thing she had wanted to happen. Kim hated that he would know how much she would miss spending nights in his arms, doing homework on the common room floor, laughing at his jokes, which were usually funny. And his stories… No. She wasn't going to care. She was going to let him go fuck whatever bitch he wanted to. Except Lily. He couldn't hurt Lily the way he had hurt her. Besides, Lily liked James. It was so obvious. And if they, so obviously meant for each other, didn't get together, then there was absolutely no hope for anyone else.

"I hate you! I hate you so much!" she continued angrily, fueled by the desire to save herself from the grasp from this disgusting asshole.

"Kim, please. Don't say that. Please don't say that." He stood up, wrapping arms around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. "Just let me explain…"

"I'll tell you the truth, Mr. Black," she replied, shaking as she felt his hands against her shoulders. "Don't touch me. Ever." Pulling herself to her senses, she pushed him forcefully away. "You know, just for that, I may have to sleep with James. Can you imagine, having me sleep with your best friend? Can't you just see how cute we'd look together? Can you imagine if I got married to James and had his kids, and you had to stand there at the wedding and be the best man. And then you'd have to be the godfather. And you'd see us every weekend at brunch, and you'd know how much happier James was than you. Can't you imagine?"

When Sirius' mind had finished processing all these images, releasing all his hate, he was shaking. And Kim was gone. He had just lost every chance he had.

.y.g.e.

Seldom had James Potter left himself this open to attack. He was running, and he was running fast. Soon enough, Lily Evans would be waking up. And she would come down here, to the quidditch pitch, to talk him out of this obvious madness. He had run five miles so far, and it had been only a half hour. He wasn't slowing down yet, as the sun peeked over the bare winter horizon.

He could barely remember rolling out of bed at 6 a.m. to pull on a pair of sweatpants and a fleece jacket in order to come out here and run 26 miles without much training at all. Sure, they ran a bit in Quidditch at times, but not really. But James was the definition of physically fit. If anyone could run a marathon without any training, it was the Hogwarts Head Boy. With any amount of luck, someone would either kill him before he got past fifteen, or Lily would come out here and kiss him and take him back. And so he continued, finishing yet another lap around the pitch. 6 miles.

It wasn't until a half-hour later that a few spectators climbed into the stands, watching him run, shouting questions at him. Occasionally, the Head Boy shouted the answers back. Occasionally, he just ignored them. He was running for Lily. And he had forgotten entirely about his house's rival, and their interest in doing sneaking, underhanded things. Things to get revenge on the marauders. Things to screw up James Potter's face. Things that may have actually helped him in the long run.

.y.g.e.

Lily Evans yawned widely, stretching her arms out as she waved around the persistent thing that prodded her face incessantly. "Go 'way… It's Sunday," she mumbled, attempting to bury her face back into the pillow it had occupied only moments ago. But the pecking beast persisted, and a clawed foot pierced the skin on one wrist. Cursing like a madwoman, the Head Girl sat up, taking the owl's goddamn letter. But it was James Potter's tawny owl. In that case, it was all forgivable. She opened the letter to find two lines scrawled across the parchment.

Lily,

I'd run a thousand miles to get you. Come out to the Quidditch Pitch when you get this.

The redhead rose quickly. This was excellent. After spending a good bit of time teasing her hair into a braid, the teenager dressed (appropriately for the winter weather) and headed outside, grabbing a piece of toast from the great hall on her way.

.y.g.e.

There was no way the Slytherins would resist something like this. James Potter had foiled their last major trouble-making scheme. It was his fault the dark lord had punished them, however indirectly. And he was a blood-traitor. That was enough of an excuse for this prank. Of course, since when did Slytherins ever need excuses for beating up James Potter? After this, he wouldn't get nearly as many girls as he did now. No, his face would be an extinct species.

Lestrange, Bellatrix and Regulus Black, Snape… All of them were there, perched just outside the pitch, planning their attack. After a moment of conversation, the group separated and walked into the pitch. And, as if by magic, a tree root popped up to trip James Potter. The Head Boy collapsed immediately, preferring to fall than to twist his ankle. He never saw the blows coming at him. Immediately, he was yanked to his feet, and pushed back down. Over and over. His body and mind were fighting for control. He knew the Slytherins were attacking him, beating him up, and he couldn't fight back at all. He just wanted to run away, but that was impossible now, for he was held by one of them, while the others threw punches, kicks, and insults.

James only came back to consciousness when he hit the ground. Spitting blood onto one of the Slytherins' shoes, he tried to roll away. Anything to escape this. There was no escape for James Potter, not at this point. He felt a shoe collide with the back of his head, and another drive into his crotch. Curling up protectively, the boy stopped moving entirely, stopped trying to break away from all of this.

.y.g.e.

As Lily reached the pitch, some of the students were returning with Professor McGonnagal, woken early on a Sunday morning, the one day she would ever sleep past 7:00. The red-head heard a shout of pain and walked faster, hurrying down to the pitch, onto the field where Slytherins crowded around a crumpled mass, cuts across the entire form of James Potter. She watched as Snape aimed a curse at the poor boy, holding him still. The foot seemed to move in slow motion, even as it moved with extreme speed towards Potter's jaw. It collided with a sickening crunch, and in less than a moment, Lily had hexed Snape, and was about to turn her wand on the rest of the group when McGonnagal arrived behind her, wand trained on the remaining group. "My office. Now. Miss Evans, please take Mr. Potter to the hospital wing." But even as she said that, she bent down to check for a pulse.

.y.g.e.

Okay, I'm taking a poll: How many of you think I should use my creative license and kill off James? Let me know in your review. I just think it would be kind interesting to use a sort of AU thing, see how everyone reacts and all. Ya know? Yes, I am leaning towards killing James. No, I am not crazy. I think I might have some psychological complex where I need to abuse him… Have you noticed this throughout my story?


	18. Chapter 18

Hello, all. I don't own Harry Potter. Also, thanks to all of my AMAZING reviewers. (You all rock!) Moving on, thank you to my lovely beta, Mydnyte Houre (I hope I spelled that right). She helped come up with a few of Siri's lines throughout this chapter. Another thing: I am looking for a second beta. If you are interested, send an e-mail to me, or contact me via AIM. I would love it if you have AIM, because that would make things so much easier. Also, e-mail info would be good. As would your reasoning as to why you should become my beta. Additionally, you would get to see every chapter in advance, as well as my thought process in writing, which I must say can be quite interesting.

.y.g.e.

James was running again. He felt short – the ground couldn't have been more than three or four feet away from him, as he ran across a flowered field which he had run through many times before… in fact, every weekend, he had raced his father across this very field. And for once, he was winning. The house was just ahead… he was going to win this time. Seconds later, the boy felt strong arms around him, lifting him off the ground. His feet no longer met the ground with each step he took. Instead, he felt himself being hugged, his head peeking over his father's shoulder towards the meadow where they had just come from. They slowed to a walk, and even as he was carried back into the brick house, James felt his eyes fall slowly closed until everything faded into blackness.

When everything became clear again, he was running through the entrance to platform nine and three quarters, and then approaching the Hogwarts Express. And so his mother tearfully warned him against getting into trouble, saying that she was proud of him. The boy hugged his parents before dragging a heavy trunk onto the train, along with the package his father had just placed into his hands.

In the compartment he had chosen, there was a good mix of people. One of them, James recognized from elsewhere as Sirius Black. The dirty Slytherin was boasting about how he was guaranteed a spot in the despicable house. The girl he was talking to, a bored-looking redhead, kept nodding politely and looking wildly around the compartment, as if searching for an escape route. As James walked in, the girl looked up in interested, her emerald eyes narrowing critically on his unruly hair. Finally, after introductions had been made, James ripped through the paper, pulling a cloak of a silvery substance out of the plain brown paper.

"What's that?" Black asked, suspiciously eyeing James.

"Oh my god, is that an invisibility cloak?" The redhead who had been introduced as Lily Evans inquired simultaneously.

James threw the cloak on immediately, and proceeded to disappear and use his newfound advantage to sneak up one the redhead and tickle her until she begged for mercy.

Then, there was the vision of the first time he transformed. He was running across a field, feeling the grass between his hoofs as he made his way across the grounds towards the forest. It was truly amazing.

He was running again. This time, however, he was in human form. He was running for Lily. _Lily…_ Everything went back one final time.

.y.g.e.

Lily, after dropping James off at the infirmary, was promptly kicked out by Madame Pomfrey. Worried to the extreme, the redhead quickly returned to the Gryffindor Common room, and headed up the stairs to where Sirius was now sleeping. After several unsuccessful attempts to wake him, the redhead climbed onto the bed next to Black's, her feet dangling over the side. "Oh, Sirius, please wake up…."

Her eyes searched the room in vain from some source of amusement. She found, instead, a pair of horn-rimmed glasses on the nightstand. James. The memory of his broken body lying on the pitch, his blood on the grass came back to her immediately, bringing tears that she refused to shed to her eyes. He wasn't dead yet. She would celebrate when he returned to consciousness… If he returned to consciousness. But she would not mourn his loss prematurely.

And so she pulled his pillow into her arms, burying her face in the soft, comforting object. It smelled like him – a vague aroma of cinnamon and something entirely different. Maybe coffee… No. It was some unnamable scent, something that she would always recognize as James, but never as what it truly was.

At the sound of a small grunt from Sirius, Lily pulled her face out of the pillow. However, he was still asleep, looking almost harmless as he pulled the blankets closer against his shoulders. The redhead sighed, glancing towards the spot where the pillow had been moments earlier, sitting perfectly on the impeccably made bed. It was a tiny stuffed kitten, grey in coloration, with huge blue eyes. Lily couldn't help but release an 'aww…' and pull the stuffed animal into her arms as she finally replaced the pillow and laid down, beginning to drift off again.

And she dreamed.

.y.g.e.

It wasn't long before Lily felt someone shaking her awake, gently twisting the stuffed animal out of her arms. Her eyes blinked open after a moment, and was met with a shirtless Sirius Black. "What are you doing?" she inquired, still half-asleep.

"Waking you up," he replied quietly, climbing onto the bed next to her and planting kisses on her cheeks, and slowly working his way to her neck.

"Sirius…" the words were stopped by another kiss, this time on her lips, as he silenced her with his tongue. Lily gave in, glad to have anything to hold on to. Besides, this didn't mean anything. It was only Sirius… They had never meant anything; they would never mean anything. For now, Lily on held on and kissed him back as he loosened the buttons on her shirt.

They were on the edge of insanity when she stopped them. She wouldn't do this, not with Sirius. "Black." The redhead pulled away, quickly re-buttoning her shirt. "James is in the infirmary." She recounted the events of the morning, beginning with the note, and ending with the Slytherins' brutal beating of the Head Boy. "And we can't go out anymore," she finished, staring at him tearlessly. "I've got to be there for James when he wakes up. And I'm not going to let him do anything until I've got him back.

"I know," Sirius replied, staring off into space as he hugged her for only a moment before releasing her. "And I've got to find Kim. And I've got to make her listen to me. And I've got to get her back."

"Oh, Sirius…" Lily paused, carefully considering whether or not she should give up this bit of information. But then, it was really what her friend wanted. But it wouldn't be appreciated in the long run, no matter what. Why did it matter? Kim was already pretty mad at both of them. "She… She's in the stands on the Quidditch pitch. But wait for her to come to you. It'll be better that way. You've got to give her time to cool off, let her see everything that happened between James and I first… Trust me, it'll make things easier."

However, Lily had barely gotten the words out of her mouth that the strong-willed Gryffindor was gone, presumably down to the Quidditch Pitch. Getting off of the bed, the redhead followed him out into the corridor, where she made the decision to go see Dumbledore. She had to know what was being done to the Slytherins who had attacked James. And yet, she was afraid that whatever it was, it wouldn't be enough. Approaching the office, she muttered a password (lemonheads) and walked in slowly, hearing the vague outline of voices lined with grief. Knocking softly on the door, it opened upon Dumbledore's command, and Lily felt suddenly awkward, in the same room as the Headmaster and James' parents.

His mother was crying, the only thing Lily could focus on as Dumbledore asked her what she needed. "It's not important," Lily replied vaguely, feeling tears come to her own eyes. After all, Mrs. Potter, she was certain, would not cry like that without some good reason. "James… Is he…"

The three adults looked at each other for a moment, as if debating who should tell her. By the time they decided, Lily was gone, bolting towards the infirmary. She had to know.

.y.g.e.

Grace had always known that Remus had been sickly. He had been sick at least once a month ever since she had met him – even back in first year, he never failed to get sick, no matter what the weather was like, no matter what season it was, no matter what he ate. It never failed. He always seemed to get sick towards the middle of the month. However, even knowing this, she had never expected him to be this bad. And the weekend before mid-terms, too. It was a pity. He seemed incredibly stressed, as if he was almost sick with worry more than anything else. And so she wrung her hands, watching as he huddled on the infirmary bed, shuddering and sweating at the same time. It wasn't until the boy fell asleep that she stepped out of the room, heading towards the library.

.y.g.e.

Sirius Black crept towards an unsuspecting blonde sitting in the stands with only 'Quidditch Through the Ages,' to keep her company, most likely stolen from James, judging by how worn out it was. He sat down next to her without a word, wrapping an arm around her just as she slammed her book shut, as if she was really going to get up and leave him here without another word. "When are you going to realize what you want?" he asked, his voice little more than a husky whisper.

"When are you going to realize that you can't play with me like this?" Kim retorted, trying in vain to wiggle away from him. Being in his arms made her want to forgive him, and kiss him. It made the bottom drop out of her stomach. No, Sirius Black was far to dangerous, however innocent he looked right now.

"I'm not playing. Do you know how hard it was to carry on a charade for Lily and James' sake, knowing what it did to you?" Sirius replied, earnestly. He needed her. She had to listen – it was the only option.

"You have no idea what it did to me," she replied quietly, staring at the ground as a single tear rolled down her cheek. The memory of last night was too much. The misery had been overwhelming. Life without Sirius was not an option. But neither was life with a Sirius who would put her second.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He paused to wipe away the tear with his thumb, before continuing, praying that there was a god who would bring them back together. "But James… He's my best friend. He's like my brother. When my family kicked me out, he let me stay at his house." It was a detail that Sirius had revealed to very few people. Even Peter, he was inclined to believe, had failed to figure out that tiny detail. "Please, Kim… Just give me one more chance."

"How many chances are you going to need?" the blonde was angry now, and more than slightly hurt. And Sirius was providing her with the perfect opportunity here. He was hurting – and he had left himself wide open. She couldn't take that chance… She couldn't do it. "Sirius, I don't know what to do with you... I love you, but I can't… I can't…" Her voice cracked, and she shut her eyes to prevent further tears from running down her cheeks.

"Kim, please… I love you too. I really, really do." He pulled her closer, as if that could make her believe him. "Just one more chance…" Black kissed her cheek, reaching to wipe away any tears that remained.

"Then why'd you do it? Why didn't you say anything to me? I almost -" She stopped in time, before she told him what a wreck her life was, what a wreck it had been for a long time.

Sirius ignored the questions. "You almost what?"

"Remember what the Slytherins did back in October?" she asked quietly, waiting for him to nod in response. "Well, ever since then… everything's been wrong. I don't know… I never dreamed one curse could…" After a moment, she was crying into his arms again.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I was afraid you'd… think less of me," the girl replied, finally finding the courage to stare up into Black's deep grey eyes.

"Never. You never have to be afraid around me." He kissed her, and won the battle. As he pulled away, there was a smile on her face.

.y.g.e.

After much negotiating, Lily had negotiated her way into the Infirmary, and next to James' bed. This was the moment of truth… He certainly didn't look alive, but… There was a chance, however small it might be. She pressed two fingers to his wrist, feeling for the smallest of heart beats. After a full minute, she burst into silent tears. James. James was…

.y.g.e.

Okay. I know you all are going to kill me. But I'd like to remind you all that I need a beta.

If you're interested, my e-mail is maraud3rsmapmakeryahoo.fr, and the AIM sn is reca11edt0lif3. So review, and contact me if you're interested.


	19. Chapter 19

Yes, I know, I'm bad at updating. But, I got it right this time around. And this was a hard chapter to write. My birthday gift to you: Chapter 19 or whatever this is.

I do not own Harry Potter.

.y.g.e.

Alive. James was alive. She pressed fingers against his wrist again, just to feel the frail, steady comfort that was his pulse. Slowly, she wiped away her tears, wishing that her swollen eyes would simply return to normal now. After all, when he woke up, she wanted to at least look good. Perhaps it was a materialistic thing, but after all he had done… She wanted to give him the world. This would have to be good enough for now. After all, who knew if he would still want her after she explained everything? That was yet another thing she had to do. She had to explain everything. She had to explain herself, she had to explain Sirius. And she had to kiss James again. At this point, Lily Evans had nothing left to doubt. At this point, he was simple, pure addiction – one she didn't care to break.

After a few moments, another joined her in her bedside vigil, staring at the bandage on the youth's jaw, the peaceful look of sleep about the boy who might have been dead was it not for the beating pulse beneath Lily's fingers. When the redhead looked up, Mrs. Potter was there beside her, the tears now gone from her face. "He should wake up in a few hours… Apparently, he suffered a few broken bones and some sort of cranial trauma."

"Oh," Lily answered quietly, bringing her gaze from the floor to meet Elizabeth Potter's eyes, dreadfully reminiscent of her son's. "Oh," she repeated, as if unable to say anything else. "I was so horrible to him…"

"If he'll forgive anyone, he'll forgive you," the older woman replied, a small smile spreading across her features. "I never heard him talk about anyone else as much as he talked about you. And besides, you couldn't have been that horrible."

"Really?" Lily inquired, suddenly perking up a bit. "I can't believe it. Sometimes… I thought it was all a joke. You see… there were these rumors about James, and how he um… liked variety. And I thought he thought of me as just another challenge because I didn't immediately agree to go out with him…" The redhead paused to breathe in and out. "And then he practically stalked me until this year. And we've been dodging each other all year, really. But I really do like him, and if anything happens to him, I'll never forgive myself," Lily continued, choking up again on the last sentence.

In a moment, the pair was embracing, crying over all their memories, laughing over James' seemingly random insecurities, his smile, his laugh. They were interrupted by Thomas Potter, who now stood at the opposite end of the infirmary, along with Professor Dumbledore. "Elizabeth?"

The woman stood and met her husband halfway across the room, simply hugging him quickly before he voiced his question. "How is he?"

"He'll be fine," Mrs. Potter answered, smiling again. "But you'll have to meet Lily Evans," she continued, lowering her voice for her next sentence. "I've got a feeling about them."

Mr. Potter smiled back, and crossed the room to where Lily sat. She promptly stood, taking the hand that he offered her. "We've met once before, I believe," she said seriously, her eyes flickering towards James. "Under rather similar circumstances, I'm afraid."

"We'll have to change that. Perhaps we'll see each other over the winter holiday." Mr. Potter laughed. "But tell me, is everything James said about you true?"

"Well, I don't know, what did he say?" Lily replied, curious as to what it was that had made his parents so interested in her. What exactly had James said?

"Oh, lots of things. He thinks you're cute when you're mad."

Behind them, a labored voice protested this bit of information. "Dad… Don't…"

In a split second, Lily was at his side, his hand in hers. "What are you doing sitting up? You need rest. You need to sleep… Oh, God, I'm so sorry this happened… I have so much explaining to do. But James, really… Now, I just want you to --" Her sentence was cut short by an open-mouthed kiss, no matter that the Headmaster and both of his parents were watching – no, staring in disbelief would be more accurate. However, all of that was worlds away for both of them at the moment. Lost in each other, they came up for breath at least twice before they could even be partially satisfied. Her fingers had threaded through his hair, and his hand was wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Do that," Lily finished quickly, out of breath, wishing they were alone.

"Hi Mum. Hi Dad." They were simple sentences. The Head boy leaned back into the pillows, pulling the redhead with him, pressing another kiss into her cheek. He could feel her heartbeat, slowing as she calmed down, as she relaxed against him, not caring that there were two of them in this tiny bed. She was glad just to hear his voice, slightly raspy (and sexy, at least in her mind) as he explained what had happened. They left after several minutes, and the boy fell back asleep, exhausted, and with a throbbing pain in his jaw.

.y.g.e.

"I like her. A lot. And I'm going to ask her to come home with me after midterms."

"And you think she'll say yes?" Sirius replied.

"Of course she'll say yes. She likes kissing me now." A smile passed across the Head Boy's face. Most of the damage had been repaired, but there would certainly be some scarring once the cut healed all the way.

"Congratulations, man… You finally did it. You finally achieved the unattainable. Now you've just got to screw her."

"I think it might be a while before I start doing that."

"Not necessarily. Evans has gone seven years without getting any… I bet you she's not gonna go much longer."

"Heh." James laughed. "I bet you Kim isn't either. I find it hard to believe that you haven't done anything yet."

Sirius shook his head and shrugged.Her "I love her too much."

.y.g.e.

It was the week before midterms, and everyone, even the Marauders, was studying. Lily was introducing James to the academic world by dragging him off to the Heads' Meeting Room every night with a book of spells and drilling him on it until he got tired of answering and tackled her and kissed her until she couldn't think.

Tonight was one such night, the day before the tests would start. They were sitting on a couch, feet up on the coffee table, with a potions book resting across their laps. James had just recounted the ingredients needed for Veritaserum, and was grinning broadly at the redhead. "So, Lily… What are your plans for Christmas?"

"Well," she said reluctantly, "my sister's getting married on the twenty-eighth, and I have to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, but other than that…" She paused. "Ugh, and you should see the dress I have to wear. It's the ugliest thing ever, and it's magenta." Lily spoke as if this was the worst thing in the world, for the dress to be magenta.

This was exactly why James didn't ask what magenta was. "You could spend the holiday with me and my family, and I'll go with you to the wedding, if you like. I mean, I'm sure all the plans have already been made, and I don't want to cost your family extra, but…" He leaned closer. "I don't want you to be miserable, either."

"Yes."

.y.g.e.

Voila.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Hey, everyone. I got the writing bug. Check out this chapter, and then take a look at my new story, Flipped. Thanks to everyone who inspired me – you know who you are.

.y.g.e.

For Lily, the house was amazing. For James, it was home. It was obvious by the way when they arrived, he kicked his shoes off, sending their bags floating off towards the stairs, asking if she wanted anything. She declined, staring at the lovely furniture and architecture, and at the way he acted as if this was completely normal. His parents had left them a note, saying that they would be gone until around five, saying not to get into any trouble.

Four hours, all to themselves. Lily glanced towards James, who had sunk down into a chair for a moment, staring at the wall for a few moments before asking, "Want the grand tour?"

"Yeah, sure," the redhead replied, sliding into the space between his hips and the arm of the chair, her arms wrapping around him. "But tell me first… what are you parents rules with… us?"

"My parents really aren't that strict about having girls in the house… They probably think we've already slept together at school," he grinned, successfully holding back a laugh.

"So basically, they think I'm some sort of slut or something," Lily answered, narrowing her eyes on the chaser.

"That's not what I said. They've just heard a little too much about what I've been doing at school over the last several years. I don't think it has anything to do with you. Of course, it might be because you're head girl and they think we've already slept together that they let me bring you home. So really, we should be thanking my horrible reputation."

"I can't believe you!" she reprimanded him, smacking his chest and crawling out of the chair. Her smile betrayed her real emotions beneath the façade of anger. He was grinning back, taking her hand an leading her around the house, through the various rooms and up the stairs.

"You wanna see your room?" he asked, leading her down to the end of a hallway, next to another staircase leading to the tower room. "I'm up those stairs," he said, leading her through the door next to them.

They were in a turquoise room, brightly lit by the sun streaming in through the long windows. The white curtains had been pushed aside, and there were clean sheets on the queen-sized bed. The room was spotless; not a speck remained on the stained hardwood floor, and the furniture was perfectly placed. "Oh, I love it," Lily exclaimed, wrapping James in a hug, placing a kiss on his lips. He smiled, glad that this had finally worked out for them.

That night, they had a nice family dinner, talking about school and Petunia's wedding, and all sorts of things, and how James needed to start thinking about what he was going to do after school. He was so lucky, Lily thought, to have a family who would support him no matter what he decided to do. He was smart – he would be successful as long as he had people like his parents to back him up.

Lily had gone to bed early, as she had been freezing, even in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Several hours later, early in the morning, she was still freezing, unable to sleep. She eventually snuck out of the bedroom and up the cold stone steps to where James was probably asleep. She crept across the room, sitting on the edge of the bed for a moment, just to ensure she wouldn't be waking him up. It was a twin bed; she didn't want to intrude on his personal space. However, Lily was freezing. She finally pulled back the covers enough to allow herself to crawl in next to him, up against his naked chest. She had no clue what else he was wearing, and she wasn't certain she wanted to know. He looked so innocent when he slept, his hair only looking soft, not spiky and out of whack.

"I love you," she whispered to him, finally starting to warm up against him, falling asleep in his arms.

.y.g.e.

James woke up first the next morning, surprised to find red hair splayed out across his chest, pale hands on the pillow next to him, and a girl in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt pressed up against him as if she depended on him for survival. He debated moving for a moment, glancing briefly towards the door, and then the clock. It was only eight.

In that case, he would wake her up and make her explain herself. The chaser grinned at the thought, of the methods of torment he could employ in their current situation, the fact that she had, in fact, slept with him, even if she hadn't _slept_ with him. He pushed her hair out of her face, shifting his weight a little as he kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose until she came to consciousness.

"James?" the redhead murmured, catching his lips in hers before he could pull away from her. "What time is it?"

"Eight or so," he replied, drawing a finger gently down the inside of her forearm.

"Mmmkay," she replied, curling back up, as if to fall back asleep. "Go 'way."

"Need I remind you that you're in my bed? So logically, you should be the one who needs to go away," he responded, as she moved her legs so that they were curled over his, her chest pressed against him.

"I'm cold," Lily complained, shrinking back so that her shoulders remained under the covers. He pulled the covers up a little forward and then reached around to her back, pulling the girl back against him.

"I could warm you up." His voice was a growl, low and rough, right in her ear as his hands moved across her body.

"James! Stop talking like that!"

With that, she was out of bed, looking back to see him still lying there, wearing only a pair of pink boxers. Quickly, blushing, Lily tore her eyes away and left, leaving James grinning on the bed.

.y.g.e.

It was noon, in the middle of Diagon Alley, shopping for Christmas gifts when Lily brought up that night. "You wanna get out of the house tonight?"

"I can't… I have to go see Remus. You know…"

Lily glanced towards the date displayed on her watch. "But James, tonight's the… the… You'll get yourself killed! You can't go!"

"Lily, I'll be fine, trust me. I've been doing this since 5th year."

"Well, then it's a marvel you haven't gotten bitten!" She was obviously angry at him for endangering himself so many times. "You are not going out tonight, understood?"

"Lily, can I show you something?"

She narrowed her eyes.

"Come with me." A few moments later they were back home, but not inside the house. It was a visible speck in the distance, brick against the grass that laid between them. Lily was staring at James, arms crossed, glaring daggers at him, making it completely clear that he was, in fact, in trouble.

He transformed, his body stretching and changing into that of a magnificent stag. He now stood almost two feet above Lily's height, his antlers tangling in the branches above them, as water droplets fell onto his white fur, his hooves pawing nervously at the ground. And then he changed back, as Lily stared speechless up at her boyfriend.

"You… you..." Lily's voice drifted off into nothing as she tried to digest this particular secret. "You are forbidden to leave the house tonight. No way am I letting you break the law! And you've been doing it for two years? This is absurd! Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because I knew how you would react."

"In that case, tell me how to react."

"You were going to turn me in. And hurt me. And take away the only thing that makes it better for Remus. You can ask him," James said, praying that she wouldn't go through with any of this.

"Well, I guess that's what I'm going to do, then, Mr. **Prongs**," Lily replied, her voice like venom.

"Don't."

She turned back towards him. "What was that?"

"Please. Just don't." There was a pause. "What do you want in return?"

"You have to swear not to do it anymore." Lily's reply came quickly, in the form of an ultimatum.

He pulled her into his arms. "Please, Lily, you know I can't do that."

She was about to give in, hug him back, let everything go for now. "Well you're going to have to."

"Lily, this is the most important thing to me right now. So you have to let me do this. I've been doing it for years now, and I'm not going to get hurt. And if you're gonna get mad over it, you can turn me in first thing tomorrow morning. Just let me do this one last thing for Remus."

"Fine, but tomorrow morning, you'd better have something good for me."

"I will… Your sister will be green with envy." He kissed her forehead, not protesting when she pulled away, still angry. She refused to look at James on the way back to the house, barely speaking to him before he left, or when he found her awake when he came back at 4 AM. She was sitting on his bed, crying, clutching a pillow to her chest.

He crossed the room silently, sitting down next to her, pulling her into his lap, replacing the pillow with his shoulder. "It'll be alright." James didn't have the slightest clue what exactly was wrong, but he was sure it would be okay. He would make it okay. "It'll be alright," he repeated, as if that would make it better.

"Oh really?" Lily replied tearfully, pushing a crumpled piece of paper into his hands. "Read it."

.y.g.e.

A/N: Ooh, how I love cliffies. If your reviews inspire me, I might update. (: I am making no guarantees, however.


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, especially Pudding and Ducky – I love you guys to death. This was a tough chapter to write – I know some of you guys are gonna burn me about the bit with Bella, but it's not going to affect how I'm going to write this story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!

.y.g.e.

Sirius Black was just arriving at the flat he had found over break in London – he was renting it for two weeks from a friend who was getting married over the holiday – in Jamaica. It was a nice-sized space for one person – a studio apartment with a view onto a short side street. Four AM and he was just getting home. And he was by himself. These were the many problems with being friends with a werewolf – you stayed out late once a month and didn't get a blow job in return for your efforts. He would meet Kim for dinner and fix that, the Gryffindor figured, trudging towards the couch he had been sleeping on the past several days.

He ignored the barn owl perched on the table next to the couch, gently hooting at him. He would open whatever the stupid bird had brought in the morning, when he didn't smell like a dirty, wet dog anymore. Or at least when the smell had subsided a bit. Why couldn't he have been something less… smelly? That didn't shed all the time? That would have been smart. But everything would have been smart in retrospect.

Moments after falling asleep, the bird was pecking at his ear. Apparently, this was somewhat urgent. Or maybe the owl had just been tied to the letter for a rather long time. Muttering "Lumos," the youth sat up, pushing black strands of hair out his eyes as he untied the parchment from the owl. He recognized Dumbledore's handwriting, as well as the Hogwarts-grade bird that remained perched on his table. _Mr. Sirius Black_, it read across the front. Tearing the enveloped, he carefully removed the parchment, unable to figure out why Dumbledore would write to him at four o'clock in the morning.

"Dear Mr. Black," it read. "It is my sad duty to inform you, with all my deepest regrets…"

"Bloody hell," was all he could say, grabbing a bottle of vodka from the liquor cabinet, sinking back into the couch, swallowing the liquid as if his life depended on it. All his plans were going down the drain – his plans for tomorrow, his plans for life. And all because of _him_. _He_ had done this. And Sirius was going to get revenge. After he got sober, that was. Right now, though, he was going to drink himself to death.

.y.g.e.

Bellatrix Black had been waiting for three hours now – simply pacing back and forth across the hardwood floor of the house, waiting. There was a pattern to it – step step creak step turn step creak step step turn. It went on, unceasing, as she walked steadily, her head occasionally turning towards the door at the front of the room.

As a Black, Bella was undoubtedly beautiful. She was tall with long, thick hair of an ebony color, and deep blue eyes that many a man had fallen in love with. Her dark green velvet dress was a sharp contrast with her deathly pale skin, though it blended in with the dark room surrounding her. Soon enough, the wait would be over, and he would get here. It would be the perfect end to what had turned out to be an exciting night. It was the sort of night that got her blood rushing, adrenaline coursing through her body. If only Rodolphus knew the effect of the kill on her. And the hunt. He would never know, though, because he would never understand.

No, when she thought about it, Bella believed Rodolphus Lestrange to be a bit… squeamish. Weak. A wimp, in many ways. He didn't have what it took to truly serve the Dark Lord. He couldn't take the pain – he looked at the mudbloods and blood traitors too much as people and not enough as animals who would ruin wizard stock for everyone. That was why she would never really love him – she didn't identify with him. She would stay with him only for her family's sake. In the meantime, she would wait.

He came in a few minutes later, his cheeks flushed from the cold as he left his cloak on the hook by the door. Antonin Dolohov was tall and handsome – the same rugged youth Bella had lusted after all the way through school. His dark brown hair was pushed back, revealing day-old stubble and fresh lipstick on his jaw line. Bella pursed her lips again, running a finger along the mark. "What is this?"

"Not important," he replied, his fingers finding the zipper in the back of her dress. Playing with the mechanism, he asked, "And what does this do?" She gasped, as he pulled it down, and the dress fell to the floor. Shortly thereafter, they disappeared up the stairs, as she whispered things in his ear.

"I killed someone tonight, Antonin…"

.y.g.e.

He crossed the room silently, sitting down next to her, pulling her into his lap, replacing the pillow with his shoulder. "It'll be alright." James didn't have the slightest clue what exactly was wrong, but he was sure it would be okay. He would make it okay. "It'll be alright," he repeated, as if that would make it better.

"Oh really?" Lily replied tearfully, pushing a crumpled piece of paper into his hands. "Read it."

Muttering "Lumos," James uncrumpled the paper, pushing his glasses further onto his nose.

_Dear Lily,_

_It would be unjust to allow you to hear about this in tomorrow's paper – and thus, I must inform you now. It is my deep regret to say that Lord Voldemort, accompanied by several death eaters, arrived at 8 Norrel Grove soon after midnight tonight. Kim McCracken and her family fought bravely against the death eaters, but there was nothing they could do. They were caught by surprise, and they were murdered. I hope that you and your friends will come together to help fight this sort of travesty that occurs daily in our world now. Again, I offer you my condolences._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore._

James pulled her closer, unhooking her arms momentarily from his neck so that he could pull the covers up over her shoulders. He got out of the bed, grabbing a pair of sweatpants out of his drawers. Changing in the dark, he climbed back into the bed, next to her, holding her close until she fell asleep on his shoulder

.y.g.e.

They awoke together, ate together, packed their stuff in silence to head to Lily's house. The rehearsal dinner for the wedding would be that night, and James would finally get around to meeting Lily's family. Needless to say, he was excited; she was not.

James was beside himself. How could this have happened at Christmas? Why couldn't the damn death eaters have given someone a chance to be happy for once? Why did they have to target a seventeen-year-old witch? Why did they have to break Lily's heart now? And what about Sirius? He was staying alone in London over break. So what was he going do when he found out?

James didn't want to think about that – Sirius had issues. "Lily, do you want to stop in London and see Sirius before we head over to your place?"

"Yes."

"Let's go." They said goodbye to his parents and disapparated from the front doorstep, arriving a mere few seconds later. It was only after several minutes of banging on the apartment door that Sirius answered, looking hungover. His eyes appeared to be slits, and he clearly hadn't shaved. Not to mention that he still smelled like a dog. A dog who had been bathed in alcohol. He looked like hell.

Maybe it was the sad state that Sirius was in, maybe it was that Lily knew exactly what was going through his head, but whatever it was, she was making him coffee and soup within a few minutes of entering the apartment, pushing his hair back out of his eyes as they sat on the couch together. She was crying again within a few minutes, as James stared at the floor, knowing he could do nothing for her. So he was almost relieved when the doorbell rang. It was an excuse to leave, to walk away from this situation for a moment.

He opened the door, surprised to see Bellatrix Black greet him. "James, what a pleasant surprise!" she smiled, as he stepped into the hallway.

"What the hell do you want here?"

"Oh, nothing. Just came to see my cousin. You sleeping with that mudblood girlfriend of yours yet?"

"Don't call her that." Potter's fists clenched. Bella killed Kim, he figured. Why else would she have shown up here? She knew Kim and Sirius were dating, that they were actually serious about each other. It wasn't your average relationship with Sirius Black.

"I'll call her what I want, James."

"What do you want, Black?"

"Oh, nothing," she replied, taking a step towards him. He didn't move, holding his ground as her fingers met his shoulders before running down until they curled over the waist of his pants. Still, he didn't move. She pressed her lips to his, trying to nudge his mouth to life with her tongue. Nothing.

"You can send me an owl after she dumps you, Potter," Bella continued. And with a small pop, she was gone, and James walked back into the apartment, taking his former seat in a comfortable armchair.

"Who was that?" Lily asked quietly, joining him there.

"No one important," James replied succinctly, watching Sirius carefully. "Sirius, we're taking you back to my house, alright? My mum's gonna take care of you for the rest of break. She'll make you some cheesecake."

"Whatever."

.y.g.e.

Please review. Thanks.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thanks to Ducky and Luci and Pudding, again. You all are wonderful. And thank you to everyone who bothered to review. I really do appreciate that – it's inspirational.**

.y.g.e.

Lily's house was about a third the size of James', a little Victorian-style place with a wrap around porch and flowers lining the front walk. Pink roses climbed up the railing on the charming porch. Climbing up the steps, a welcome mat greeted the couple as they approached the door. They didn't knock; rather, Lily led James directly into the house, through the front hall and into the kitchen. She left him there for a moment as she disappeared up the stairs for a moment with their things.

Then it hit him – Lily had left him alone in the kitchen… He looked around quickly, his eyes coming to settle on a woman a few years older than Lily – 22 or 23, most likely. He supposed this must be Petunia Evans, soon to be Petunia Dursley. She had a long neck and blonde hair, and honestly, looked almost nothing like Lily. Their eyes met, and James noticed her blink a few times and sit up a bit straighter. "Hi. I'm Petunia."

"Oh, pleased to meet you. I'm James," the youth responded, sliding his hands casually into his pockets. "I've heard so much about you." He hadn't, but it was nice to have something to talk about.

"From who?" came the reply, the tone almost appalled.

"Lily." He grinned, running a hand through his hair. His eyes shifted to where Lily had paused at the doorway, just out of Petunia's sight.

"Oh. You know she's…" Petunia drifted off, her eyes rolling at the thought of just _what _Lily Evans was. The blonde wasn't quite sure how they were related. Lily had always been a dork, weird, etc. She always said stupid things, etc. How she was going out with this, this guy who was standing in the kitchen was beyond her. He was certainly attractive – too attractive for Lily, Petunia was certain. Besides, what on earth could she offer a guy like this? A guy who could have any girl he wanted?

"Perfect?" James inquired in response. "Yeah… I do." He smiled, leaving Petunia ignoring his words and letting her eyes wander beyond his face. Lily chose this moment to make her entrance, before her sister could come up with a response to that. She came up behind Potter, sliding one hand into his back pocket, using the other to turn his face towards her for a quick peck.

They left a bewildered Petunia in the kitchen as Lily dragged him back out onto the porch, pushing him back against the door the moment they were outside. "God, you are so perfect."

"It's okay, Lily," James replied, staring into her eyes. "You can just call me James."

"You prat!"

"But I'm a sexy prat." He paused. "And I could to sinful things to you right now."

"I don't think so," she replied, pushing him more firmly against the door. "You are not in a position to talk about that right now!"

"Would you like to get into that sort of position, Evans?"

"What are you talking about, Potter? You just don't under-" She was cut off by his kiss, by the hand releasing her long red locks from their clip. "I… I might like that."

James released her from his grasp as he saw a 5' 10" man get out of a red car that had appeared in the driveway and walk towards them. He was much shorter than James, though with a strong frame. He had the same green eyes as his daughter, though it was matched with grey hair. He wore a suit, and greeted the pair with a smile before taking Lily into a hug. "I am so glad to see you again. I thought we might not see you this Christmas."

After a few moments, which James spent counting floorboards, Lily took his left hand. "Dad? I want you to meet James. He's the guy I'm bringing to the wedding tomorrow."

They shook hands and departed for the inside of the house, where dinner was now being cooked by Lily's mother.

.y.g.e.

Mrs. Elizabeth Potter was shocked to find a drunken Sirius Black on her doorstep, supported by her son and Lily Evans. No one had explained any of this to her that morning, though she had realized that there was some sort of problem between Lily and James before they left. She had guessed that it was some sort of argument and decided that it would work itself out.

So, given this information, it was something of a shock to find Sirius Black on her doorstep with news that his girlfriend had been murdered the previous night. The poor boy had gotten drunk the night before, and refused to look at anyone. He was simply catatonic, lost in his own world now. Mrs. Potter did agree to take care of him, though. And before long, Sirius Black was sitting upstairs in the chair in the guest bedroom, a white down comforter wrapped around him. She was trying to convince him to eat the chicken noodle soup she had made, to acknowledge that the world could go on without Kim McCracken. It was an impossible task. The normal promises of food did not work; Elizabeth Potter didn't have anything he wanted. He wanted to have not gone with Remus – to have invited her to stay the night, to have done anything else. Anything to kept her out of harm's way.

Sirius Black blamed himself for what had happened the previous night. If he had been able to protect her… If he had been better boyfriend material… If he had done everything differently, then Kim would still be alive.

It wasn't until Remus showed up, dressed to go clubbing, that Sirius started to look as if he might perk up a bit. "Let's go out," the boy said, uncharacteristically mischievous. He had told James that he would do this for Sirius, and he would keep the promise. Within half an hour, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin left for a popular wizarding club in Diagon Alley.

.y.g.e.

Bellatrix Black was up to no good. Again. She had been waiting in the alley for more than an hour, dressed like a hooker so as not to draw too much attention to herself. It was working – she didn't look too far out of place in the dark, her eyes scanning the streets for the person she was waiting for. Finally, they arrived.

Wormtail, he called himself. The dark lord had told her that much. He was small, unattractive, easily overshadowed by the crowd. She could tell that much as he approached, chewing nervously on his lip as their eyes met. He sauntered over, still biting his lip.

Up close, she could see who this really was. Peter Pettigrew. She hadn't expected that _he_ would be the informant. This was interesting. She would use this against him when they convinced him to join the dark side. They still needed to gain his trust. "I have the money," she stated simply, handing a check for a decent sum to the boy. "I didn't think you'd be the type to kill your friends like that, Pottygrew," Bella stated coldly, an evil smile concentrated on her face. "You're far too closely associated with Potter for that. He was always such a _loyal_ brat." She said it as if it was a curse word. "Want to tell us where he is right now? We could get him out of the way, too."

"I d-d-don't know," the snitch replied, leaving before she could force any more information out of him.

.y.g.e.

James had decided to go to bed early (well, early for a marauder) – he had a headache from fielding all of Petunia's questions that might have had sexual undertones, and most certainly could have gotten him into trouble. It must have been tough for Lily, living with a sister like this. He certainly couldn't stand the way she talked as if Lily was a freak or something. It was awful. Petunia certainly took pleasure in the fact that her sister would be wearing an awful pink taffeta dress the following day. James pitied the fool who had fallen in love with this girl.

So he had taken a cold shower to clear his head and decided to go to sleep, crawling shirtless under the covers of the bed in the guest bedroom. He couldn't help but wonder how Sirius and Remus were doing… Remus would be able to control Sirius. The problem was getting Padfoot out of the house. Hopefully, everything would go alright, and Black would be able to at least not get drunk every night from here on out.

.y.g.e.

Sirius had taken the time to shave, and to make himself look incredible. They were in the door in no time, and he had downed a few drinks before he convinced Remus that they needed to go dance with all the attractive girls in the bar. The werewolf finally conceded, and a girl with auburn hair was quick to drag Sirius out of his chair to the floor, where sensuality trumped reason and heat and hands triumphed. One thing led to another, and…

.y.g.e.

He looked up from his book to see her, peeking in at him from the crack in the door. As James looked up, she motioned for him to follow her, raising her eyebrows as he climbed silently from his bed, following Lily to the other bedroom, painted a bright yellow color. He flicked his lightswitch off as he left, closing the door. The rest of the house was dark, silent. Everything except Lily's room. He walked in, his toes curling on the plain carpeting that covered the floor, admiring the neatness of her room that bore no resemblance to his own.

She came up behind him, wrapping arms around him, her face pressed into his shoulder blade. "You were wonderful tonight, James." It was all she said as she gently turned him around, catching his lips in hers. A slow, sensual kind of kiss ensued as she pulled him towards her bed, her fingers trailing up and down his sides. This wasn't the way she envisioned this, but it was clear that he wasn't going to seduce her with her father right down the hallway.

It quickly became clear to James, as her shirt came off, that this was becoming quite serious. He pulled away for a moment, whispering. "Are you certain about this, Lily?"

"Yes. I love you…"

"And I love you." Those words were all the assurance she needed. They removed each other's clothes, and lost themselves in each other for a while before falling asleep under the covers.

.y.g.e.

Lily awoke to hear Petunia's harsh voice in her ear. "Lily, wake up! We've got to do your hair!"

Lily pushed the covers down until they simply covered her shoulders, and looked up at her sister. Petunia was staring with disbelief at James H. Potter, who remained asleep.

.y.g.e.

**A/N: That's all, folks! I will update based on the number of reviews I get. (Oh, come on, I know you all love me.)**

**0-3 – as much time as I want**

**4-7 – 3 weeks**

**7-11 – 2 weeks**

**11-15 – 10 days**

**15- 20 – 7 days**

**20-25 – 4 ish days**

**25-30 – 3 days**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed – you all really inspired me, and as a result, you are getting another chapter. (YAY!) Also, I'd like any of you who are interested in roleplaying (in the literary sense, of course) to take a look at www.unitedliterates. It's a pretty chill site, nothing with a ton of pressure. Semi-literate, I'd call it, if anyone's interested. Apart from that, thanks again so much for putting up with my writing, and enjoy.**

.y.g.e.

"Lily, what the hell is this?" Petunia asked, her eyes as big as saucers.

"Please don't say anything… Dad'll kill me."

"Exactly." She started to open her mouth to yell something.

"I'll pay you."

"How much?"

"I don't know… I'll give you the red shoes you're always borrowing."

Petunia paused to consider this for a moment.

"Not a word, Petunia," Lily hissed, as she saw her sister's mouth drop open, and then start to form the word 'Mum.' "Not a word," she repeated, grabbing the wand off her bedside table. "Besides, it's not like you haven't slept with Dursley before."

Petunia turned a bright red color and left, shutting the door carefully behind her. How on Earth could Lily do this? She was ruining the wedding. Ruining it. She didn't have the right to come in here and attract everyone's attention, just like she always did. Today was supposed to be Petunia's day in the spotlight, and Lily was ruining it, just like always.

As long as Petunia could remember, Lily had been taking attention away from her. First it was when she got the letters to go to that school. Then it was when she started turning toads into teacups. And then it was when all the boys on the block waited very impatiently for her to come home every summer. And now, she brought this charming boy home. And her parents asked him questions of every sort – what his parents did, what he liked to do… And so Lily got all this attention. And she got nothing, not even on her wedding day.

.y.g.e.

The wedding was perfect in every way. Everything went exactly as planned; the service was lovely, the food was excellent. Lily, who happened to catch the bride's bouquet, looked awful in every picture, a result of the pink dress she was wearing clashing with her hair.

Following the wedding, there was a reception at the Evans' house, during which Lily changed into a more flattering black dress and spent most of her time kissing James. He felt extremely lucky, while watching the 'happy couple' that he had fallen in love with the prettier, more intelligent Evans girl, and that he was not nearly as downright ordinary as Vernon Dursley was. He was glad simply to have a bit of variation in his daily life and a schedule that didn't involve meetings that discussed drills. Thinking this, he watched the last of the guests leave before joining Lily in the living room.

The redhead had been speaking in hushed, argumentative tones with Petunia, but these stopped the moment James entered the room. Lily excused herself as he sat down, and departed, leaving James alone with bridezilla and her husband.

"She's quite the little slut, isn't she?" Vernon asked, once Lily was out of earshot.

"Who?" James inquired calmly, his eyes narrowing. However, he was going to give Dursley a chance to correct his faux-pas. He didn't have the desire to have this conversation with them, now or ever. He stood up, hoping not to get an answer, turning towards the door as if to follow Lily.

"Lily, of course. I mean, otherwise, she wouldn't have slept with you, right?"

Vernon Dursley was only taller than James by an inch, but carried probably 200 pounds more than the Head Boy. His neck was non-existent, while the hair on his head laid respectably flat, and small, beady eyes stared out at the youth. James stopped short at the door, as his fists clenched and unclenched for several moments. He knew it was wrong to go around hitting people, but this was in defense of his girl.

James turned around and clocked the groom in the jaw. "Don't you ever, ever talk about my girl like that!" He was focusing now on simply dodging whatever retaliation that Vernon would throw when he got angry. He watched the man wipe his mouth on his sleeve and pick up an unopened wine bottle that had been left on the table, hurling it directly at James' stomach.

It hit him hard, breaking when it bounced onto the hardwood floor. James slumped, watching as Dursley came at him with his fists. He groped for his wand, which he had thought he had left in his pocket. After a few blows, he found it, pointing it in Vernon's direction, muttering some sort of hex under his breath.

Vernon Dursley stopped, paralyzed by the sight of the wand. "You're one of them?" he cried, shocked by the revelation. Behind him, Petunia was staring in horror at the corkscrew pig-tail that had emerged from the seat of his trousers.

"Yeah," James shrugged, waiting for the man to notice the effects of the hex. It was relatively minor, but animal transformations were one of James' specialties, and the hex was a simple one for him. It was an embarrassing one for Vernon, who was now clutching his rear end, howling.

Lily chose the moment after James repaired the wine bottle and set it back on the table with another wave of his wand.

"James Harold Potter!" She shouted, angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She approached the wizard, green eyes filled with anger. "You know better than this! I can't believe you would do this! Now undo it right now!"

"No," he replied, flatly. "Not until he apologizes to you."

"Potter!" Lily yelled, hitting his chest with one fist. "Stop this right now. Don't you get it? I don't give a damn what the hell he did. Just undo it!"

"No," James refused again, leaning back against the wall, as Petunia started to walk towards them, demanding that James do something about Vernon's tail.

"Shut up for a minute, would you?" Lily demanded, turning back towards James. She took a step towards him, slipping a leg in between his two. "Alright, James. I'm going to give you a choice here. Now, you can either do the countercurse, or, you can never have children." She lifted her leg a little higher as if to illustrate her point.

"I'm not undoing it," James replied, mentally preparing himself for the immense pain he was sure would come in a few moments.

"Fine." She pushed him back against the wall, and quickly got rid of Vernon Dursley's corkscrew tail. Then, she turned back to James and dragged him by the ear out into the front yard, where 24 hours earlier, they had been fooling around, not having a fight.

"James Potter, I have never been more disappointed in you in my life! What the hell would possess you to treat the poor man like that? You have advantages that he will never have, so how could you possibly hex him?"

"It was self-defense," James said back.

"You could have simply paralyzed him!"

"He deserved more than that," James argued, furious that she was arguing over this fact. After all, he had been protecting Lily.

"How? James Potter, you are a brute. A big ugly brute. But you know, I always knew that," Lily retorted, glaring up at the Head Boy. "That's all you've ever done – you take advantage of everyone! I mean, look at Snape. Look at me, for crying out loud?"

"How the hell did I take advantage of you?"

"What, you don't remember last night?"

"You said you wanted it, Goddamnit!" James hissed, his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed in disgust, his mouth forming a thin, angry slit. He was the type of guy who never raised his voice, no matter how angry he was. Nonetheless, James Potter was furious – you could tell by the eerily calm tone of voice, lacking any humor whatsoever. "How the hell are you gonna seduce me and then say _I_ took advantage of _you_? And you know that if you had said you didn't want it, I would have stopped. You know that, sure as hell!"

"You just don't get it, do you? There is no excuse for you hexing random people on the street!"

"It wasn't random. He called you a slut. What was I supposed to do, have a jolly old conversation with the bloke?" He paused. "I hope you're happy, _Evans_."

"James…" As she uttered the word, there was a pop, and he was gone.

.y.g.e.

Lily walked back in the door, up to her sister's bedroom was. Petunia was there, packing her bags for the honeymoon, to be spent in France, on a beach in the Mediterranean. She walked in, close to tears. "What the hell are you playing at?" she demanded, looking her sister in the eye. "You said you wouldn't tell him!"

"I didn't think you'd care that much, as long as Mum and Dad didn't hear it," Petunia said, shrugging. "Besides, it's not as if you'll end up together. I mean, face it. You're still in high school. He's gonna go get a job somewhere, and meet some pretty girl, and leave you for her."

"I am pretty," Lily argued back.

"Not in that," Petunia replied, glancing scornfully at the dress Lily had so carefully picked out, and then at her hair, which she had spent at least half an hour positioning perfectly that morning. "Or in anything, really," she added as an afterthought, going back to packing."

"I hate you, you know that?" Lily said, grabbing the red shoes from Petunia and stomping into her own room, where she found James' boxers on the floor, where they had been left the previous night. They were covered in little blue snowmen, something she had made fun of him for all day.

She heard Petunia go downstairs, some conversation. Then, two pairs of feet coming up the stairs, undoubtedly to judge and punish her somehow. She grabbed her wand off the bed, and there was a small pop.

When John and Daisy Evans entered the room of Lily Marie Evans, there was no one there.

.y.g.e.

James trudged up to his bedroom, slowly shedding clothes as he neared the top of the stairs. Staring at the red and gold, and the numerous posters of quidditch players on the walls, it all seemed so pointless now. Ridding himself of the remainder of his muggle tuxedo, James pulled sweatpants and a tee-shirt out of his drawer, pulling them on. He stared wistfully at his bed for a moment, before slipping on a pair of sandals and turning to leave the room.

Sirius Black was standing in the doorway, looking as if he had sobered up quite a bit, even if it wasn't enough to bother to shave. "You look like a mess," Black stated thoughtfully, staring almost blankly at his friend. James shrugged, so he continued. "What happened?"

"Fight," James replied solemnly.

"What happened?"

"I don't have a clue. We, you know… Hooked up last night." He paused, waiting for some sort of congratulatory phrase that never came. "And then, today was the wedding, which was nice, I guess. Lily was really upset over her dress and stuff. But anyways, I was talking to the newlyweds after their party, and he called Lily a slut. And long story short, I hexed him. So Evans got mad, and we had this huge fight, and turns out, she didn't even want to sleep with me to begin with."

"That's tough, man," Sirius replied, slumping down against the wall. James joined him there shortly afterwards, staring straight ahead. "I bet you anything she doesn't mean it."

"I wouldn't bet anything on Evans. She defies all reasoning."

"That's not my point, Prongs. I know she really likes you. She was a virgin, right? So she wouldn't sleep with you just for the heck of it. She's sensible. She'd have a better reason than that. She'd have to love you," Black answered, crossing his arms. "You know what you need, James?"

"A life?"

"Well, there's that…" James reached over to hit his shoulder. "And then there's a good game of quidditch against the best Hogwarts has ever seen."

"So how am I gonna play against myself?"

"You ass," Padfoot replied. "Go get your damn broom."

.y.g.e.

It was seven at night when James returned to Lily's house, to apologize. Her father answered the door. "Is Lily here?" James asked politely, biting his lip.

"She's disappeared. No one knows where she went," he responded, sounding quite worried about his daughter.

James nodded. "Thank you, sir." He disapparated immediately to Diagon Alley.

.y.g.e.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed it. Hope it was worth all the lovely reviews. Anyways, I have spring break this coming week, so I can finally stop freaking out. Everyone enjoy the new chapter – one day early, no less.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Okay, I'm updating again… Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed, especially Pudding, Ducky, Luci and all my UL buddies. Oh, and a quick note for Vegetarians will rule the Earth – Although I like that you are naturally high, you might want to chill before you have a coronary? Lol, jk - thanks for reviewing almost every single chapter up to this point. Enjoy, everyone.**

.y.g.e.

Lily wasn't in Hogsmeade that night, but James was certain he would be able to find her at Kim's memorial service – there wouldn't be a burial as there was nothing to bury. But there would be a service – it was the least they could do for Sirius. James hadn't seen Padfoot cry since first year, when he had been sorted into Gryffindor, as opposed to Slytherin, which was what his parents had expected.

He had received howlers for two weeks straight following that – it was absolutely awful. Sirius had been on the verge of a mental breakdown when they finally stopped coming. And James hadn't awoken at night to see Sirius Black sitting on the window ledge, silently sobbing.

It was odd, seeing Sirius grieve so openly – most people thought he didn't even have emotions. It was odd being the one to pat him on the back and tell him that everything would turn out for the best, even if it didn't seem like it would now.

It was sad. So many people showed up, and it made you ask why it had to be that the best people die young. Lily Evans didn't seem to be one of those people. But then, James didn't see the young blonde woman hug Sirius, whisper a few phrases into his ear. There was nothing significant about it – it could have been anyone. But it certainly wasn't Lily Evans, right?

.y.g.e.

"_How the hell did I take advantage of you?"_

"_What, you don't remember last night?"_

"_You said you wanted it, Goddamnit!" James hissed, his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed in disgust, his mouth forming a thin, angry slit. He was the type of guy who never raised his voice, no matter how angry he was. Nonetheless, James Potter was furious – you could tell by the eerily calm tone of voice, lacking any humor whatsoever. "How the hell are you gonna seduce me and then say I took advantage of you? And you know that if you had said you didn't want it, I would have stopped. You know that, sure as hell!"_

"_You just don't get it, do you? There is no excuse for you hexing random people on the street!"_

"_It wasn't random. He called you a slut. What was I supposed to do, have a jolly old conversation with the bloke?" He paused. "I hope you're happy, Evans."_

"_James…"_

It was the last thing she had said to him. He hadn't even given her a chance to finish the sentence. All he knew was that she was gone – her trunk wasn't even in the guest room when he returned from quidditch with Sirius. His mother claimed to know nothing about it; Remus claimed to have not seen Lily since before winter break began. James didn't know if they were lying or telling the truth or what, but he had been having the same dream, one in which he relived that awful fight again and again and again. It was only 1:30, and already, he had dreamed the dream three times that night. It was awful.

"Lily?" he called out, to the empty room as he awoke, staring out into the darkness. No response. He figured he might as well give up by now, since nothing was going to happen. She either really didn't want to see him, or she was dead. He hoped it was the former.

.y.g.e.

The remainder of the break passed slowly, in which small boxes laid unopened under the Christmas Tree, and James Potter didn't smile. He missed her; he wondered why she didn't at least send him an owl. At least, he hoped, she would have the decency to break up with him, even if it was in a letter. Just a sign that she was still there would be enough. He would chase after her another seven years if that was what it took to get her back.

Meanwhile, though, his thoughts were consumed by her words, by the fight. What if she really felt like he had taken advantage of her? What if she didn't enjoy it? What if she hated him? He knew she had been a virgin, but at the time, it had been pretty obvious that she wanted it. So, it was something of a relief when James arrived back at school. Except that she wasn't there, either. The entire day, Lily's seat was empty in class, and James' hopes fell.

He collapsed into an armchair that night with his homework, only to find, a few minutes later, hands pressing forcefully into his shoulders, working every kink out of his tense muscles. The massage continued as his eyes shut and he felt his books and parchment put aside, pulled out of his hands.

"James?" she whispered into his ear.

"I'm sorry," he murmured back, unable to stop the tears of relief and happiness that were quickly blinked away as he opened his eyes.

"No, I'm sorry," Lily said back, squeezing into the chair with him. "I'm so sorry." Her hands wrapped around his neck, as her head rested on his shoulder.

"Lily," he whispered, pulling her closer, not thinking to ask the questions that would spring to mind in a few moments. "Lily Evans, I thought you were dead."

"Close," she replied, flinching in response to his hand on her left shoulder.

"Come on, Lily," he said, taking her up to his dorm. He had to know what had happened over the past several days. He had to know why she hadn't said anything to him, why her eyes were filled with melancholy. They were laying together on his bed before he asked anything. "What happened?"

"I left home because my sister found out about what we did, and told my parents. And I really didn't want to talk about it, because of all the awful things we said to each other, and then my sister said some awful things." She paused. "So, I figured I'd enjoy a night out, and then I'd go back to your house to see if you were there. I mean, I felt awful about what I said." She shuddered, a tear falling across the bridge of her nose onto the pillow. It would be the first of many.

"Don't," James protested, pressing the ends of his sleeves against the corners of her eyes. "It'll be okay."

"So, yeah. I was in Diagon Alley, and I wasn't drunk, but I had had more than I usually do." A sob accompanied this statement. "But I was leaving, and I was about to disapparate to your place, when I don't know what happened… Someone grabbed me, and I don't remember anything much after that." More sobs followed, and Lily shook in James' arms for several minutes as he let his fingers run smoothly up and down her back.

"It'll be okay," he whispered, though it had occurred to the Head Boy that it might not be. As long as she believed that it would be, then maybe things would turn out okay. This was his fault. If he hadn't hexed Vernon, then they wouldn't have had the fight, and they would have spent the rest of the break at his house. And no one would have grabbed Lily Evans off the street.

"I must have gotten knocked out or something, though," she continued meekly. "I woke up, and I have no idea where I was, but there was this man here, and normally I would have thought he was handsome, but here, he was just scary. I was tied up… I couldn't move." The tears were falling freely now, faster than James could wipe them away. Between sobs, she continued to explain it to him, as James wished he had put a silencing charm on the room. Or at least locked the door. "And I don't know… He was hurting me – he had all these awful whips and things - and he was getting some sort of sick pleasure out of it. I was bleeding, and then there was some sort of loud noise, and I got knocked out again, and when I woke up, I was at St. Mungo's."

He pulled her closer against him, gently enough to prevent her from flinching again. "I love you, Lily Evans. You've got to be the bravest person I've ever met," he continued, kissing any part of her face he could get to. "Would it help if I could tell you who it was?" She nodded slowly. Just to be able to put a face with the mask would help her. Maybe that would help stop the nightmares that had been plaguing her since the ordeal. "Antonin Dolohov." James only knew because of something Sirius had said once about making people scream. It was disgusting to the Gryffindor that he would do this to Lily Evans.

It didn't really surprise him that Lily continued to cry. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I've been so worried about you!"

"I thought…" She stopped. "I thought that you'd… you'd… you wouldn't like me anymore."

"Never," he whispered, kissing her more deeply before rolling onto his back.

They laid there together, staring, crying, kissing, until McGonnagal entered the dormitory, apparently looking for James. She seemed embarrassed to find them there, perhaps more embarrassed than Lily. "I'm sorry, Professor. I promise this won't happen again, I just…"

"Lily's had a rough day," James interrupted, standing up as Lily blinked away the remainder of her tears. "What do you need?" He grabbed a sweatshirt out of his trunk, handing it to his girlfriend as McGonnagal tried to gather her thoughts again.

"Well, no one was out on patrol, and I thought that…" she stopped short, as if embarrassed to say what she _thought_ the pair had been doing in James' empty dorm room. "Oh, and Professor Dumbledore wanted to see the two of you. I can see why he'd want to discuss this, though." She gave Lily a hug as she moved to leave for Dumbledore's office, followed closely by James.

.y.g.e.

It was a long discussion with Dumbledore, James thought. It was pretty obvious that they were losing ground to Voldemort when even the Headmaster was admitting it. First Kim was killed, then they almost did the same to Lily. He was afraid to touch her now, for fear that he would hurt her, that she would cry, that something awful would happen. He knew he would be kept up late that night, thinking of things that he could do to make it all better, when they both knew that nothing could be done now – the damage was done.

Still, he wanted to know the full extent of the damage. He wanted to undress her and kiss all the scars as if that would make it better. He wanted to pretend that it was all going to be okay, that she would trust him again.

Lily was simply glad James hadn't gone running off the minute she revealed what had happened. But in a way, she had known that he wouldn't – he was James Potter, he loved her. It was inconceivable that he would do such a thing. Still, her sister's words echoed in her brain. _He's gonna go get a job somewhere, and meet some pretty girl, and leave you for her._ It was too real a fear at that point. What was worse, he would watch her, and be with her, and talk and listen. But he wouldn't touch her. Yes, there was the occasional hug and kiss, always placed on her forehead, not her lips. But he didn't do anything with his hands; he didn't touch her as if he still wanted her. Maybe she hadn't been as good in bed as Cadwen had been. It was sad that he wouldn't hold her like he used to do. But she supposed that she had hurt him a hell of a lot by disappearing like that. He probably thought that she had died or something.

It was something of a surprise to Lily when he came down the stairs the next morning with a small box, wrapped in red paper and a silver ribbon. She opened it, finding her Christmas gift. It was absolutely perfect – something only James would think of. It was a deed to his soul, handwritten like he had probably done when he was five or six years old, bargaining for fame in the neighborhood. It was accompanied by gold earrings, but they didn't compare with the laugh he got in return for the deed. "James Potter," she whispered, hugging him. "You are amazing." She smiled. "And I have something for you, too."

"Really?" James asked, grinning. "And here I thought I already had everything."

She hit his shoulder lightly in retaliation, handing him a package wrapped carefully in plain brown paper. He spent several minutes unwrapping it in his attempt not to tear the paper. It was a book, bound in black leather, the corners worn thin. "Is this was I think it is?" he inquired, glancing at her.

"The diary of Lily Evans."

"Wow, it's like finding the Holy Grail," he joked, leaning down to kiss her again. "Finally, Sirius and I will have something to read late at night."

"Don't you dare let him find that," the redhead warned, eyes narrowing. "Or I'll kick your ass, James Harold Potter."

His only response was to grin and stuff it into his bag. "I might not complain about that that much. Because then you'll feel bad and I can coax you into broom closets."

"Fat chance." And they left the common room for breakfast, both glad that things were starting to go back to normal.

.y.g.e.

**A/N: Review, s'il vous plait! I'm on spring break, and I get the feeling that the story's almost done… Maybe 5 more chapters tops. So yeah, that's all I have to say. Any questions you've got, please ask, and I'll try to get back to you.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reviewing, and Ducky for being helpful. You all are wonderful. Enjoy. I don't own Harry Potter.**

.y.g.e.

It was a long time – several months – before everything returned to normal after winter break. It was now early March, and several times in the past few weeks, James and Lily had disappeared to various broom closets and empty classrooms around the school. More than once, Sirius had found them asleep together, lying on top of Potter's bed, her head on his shoulder.

Dumbledore, of course, was thrilled that they had finally gotten a bit smarter and started going out. McGonnagal, on the other hand, felt the need to watch them every second of the day, which made arranging their escapades much more difficult, by they managed, thanks to James' invisibility cloak and the marauders' map.

It was a way to relieve stress for Lily – she felt tied down by all her NEWT-level classes, and James would drop whatever he was doing, it seemed like, to talk to her, or to take her down to the kitchens for some ice cream. He knew the castle like the back of his hand, and there was always some new empty room he wanted to take her to see. And one thing led to another, and she'd be in his arms again, telling him how wonderful he was.

They were Hogwarts' golden couple. Everyone thought they looked cute together; everyone thought they were perfect for each other. Sirius Black had started taking bets on how long it would before they got married. Many speculated that only a few weeks after graduation, they would end up tying the knot. The fact that Lily and James were so close, however, didn't mean that they had totally ignored their friends in the past few months. On the contrary, James and Sirius had pranked Slughorn nearly every day since they had returned from break, to the amusement of the rest of the school.

Lily and Grace had continued to do their toenails late at night, poring over _Witch Weekly_ and _Seventh Year. _Still, it was so different without Kim there to make fun of all the articles about what boys wanted in bed and whatnot. So, they tried, but it was hard. It was much easier just to join the boys' group and do all the things they did – the pranking, the flying, the joking.

.y.g.e.

Among the marauders, especially, there was a lot of talk as to what they would do following graduation. Sirius and James were both talking about becoming aurors, Peter would do whatever anyone else told him to. As for Remus, he was less fortunate. There were laws, and regulations, and rules. And no one would hire a werewolf. James talked of starting a broom company, and making him Vice President, but they all knew that James wasn't interested in the least in sitting at a desk all day figuring out the number of broomsticks that he should send to wherever.

"Come on, Moony," James said, in one such conversation. "You're a great wizard. Someone's bound to want to hire you."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "I'd hire you. We should open up a joke shop. And I'll come up with the jokes, and you can do the math."

"I suppose," Remus replied, sighing. He didn't sound convinced in the least, though he appreciated the effort. They just didn't understand what it meant to be a werewolf. You were always an outsider – no one trusted you or accepted you or anything. He wouldn't be hired, now that he was forced to tell his employer exactly what he was. He'd be fired on the spot, no matter if he was Merlin himself.

"Moony, look at yourself. You're the best guy I know. You'd just got a… a furry little problem. It wouldn't concern me in the least, if you worked for me," James retorted. "Besides, you're good with women. Lily legitimately trusts you. And you've probably got the best relationship in the world. Have you and Grace ever had a fight?"

"No," Remus replied, continuing, "but she doesn't know about the whole… thing. If she knew, she'd probably break up with me on the spot."

Sirius jumped in here. "No, she wouldn't. I mean, you thought we weren't going to be friends with you after we found out, but we never did anything like that. So why should she? She's one of the nicest girls I know. That's why we never went out. But anyways, a stupid little thing like this isn't going to change her mind about you. You've got to tell her, Remus."

"Fine, I'll tell her, but I want to wait until after NEWTs."

"Great!" James and Sirius said in unison, glad they had convinced Remus of something. Usually, he was more stubborn than any of them.

.y.g.e.

James had enjoyed only a few free hours by himself since break ended – much of the time he was either studying, or doing something else. Always, though, he was surrounded by people, whether it was the marauders, or Lily, or renegade members of the Official Sirius Black Fan Club who believed that both James and Sirius were the hottest things on the planet.

During these hours, he had enjoyed himself thoroughly. Lily's diary was a source of constant amusement for him – many of her thoughts were quite funny. There was an entire record in there of every prank he had ever played on her, and her revenge for it. The fact that someone had bothered to record this was amazing to the Head Boy. One day, several hundred years later, someone would find this. And he and Sirius Black would be legends. Not that they weren't already; Sirius had finally broken the record for most detentions to be served by a single student over the course of seven years.

Needless to say, James enjoyed the small leather-bound book, though he reserved it for himself. He wouldn't have ever thought to share Lily's thoughts with the rest of the marauders. No, this was too important to him.

He was even more interested to find an entry right before winter break, when they had only been going out for a short while.

_12/2_

_I'm convinced that James Potter has only one flaw. He's so cute, though. I could play with his hair forever. If only he had a mute button. All he talked about all day today was the bloody Quidditch match on Saturday. I don't need a play by play of the game, I was there! That's his one problem, but it's a big problem. And there's no way I could tell him about it… He's obsessed with the game. Most boys think about sex every six seconds… Potter thinks about Quidditch. He's a total weirdo. I suppose it's alright, though. He's a pretty decent kisser._

James shut the book, letting his head fall forward slightly. He had never suspected she didn't like talking about Quidditch. It was the only thing he really knew a lot about. Well, there was that, and Transfiguration. And he knew Lily wasn't interested in Transfiguration in the least. And she didn't like it when he talked. This was absolutely awful. Plus, he had asked her on multiple occasions, and she said that she was really interested in Quidditch. What an awful lie.

At that moment, Sirius walked in, and James looked up, quickly ridding his face of his disappointed expression. "Prongs, what did you do that Dumbledore wants to see you?"

"Is it annoying when I talk about Quidditch?"

"Only when you do it constantly," Black replied. "Why?"

"Did Lily ever say anything to you or Remus about it?" James inquired, answering one question with another.

"Only once or twice," Sirius answered, downplaying the importance of the events. "You'd better get down to Dumbledore's office and own up to whatever you did."

"Fine. I'll see you later," James retorted, standing up and leaving, making his way slowly towards Dumbledore's office, kicking the floor in frustration more than once on his way there.

.y.g.e.

James made the appearance of being happy when he walked into the Headmaster's office. To his surprise, Lily was already there. Apparently, there was some sort of business thing going on here. Or Dumbledore wanted to talk about their relationship. Although, considering it was Dumbledore, that didn't seem so farfetched. Once the head boy was seated, the Headmaster began to talk. "You both know about the seventh year dance held at the end of the year. Lily, I believe you went last year?"

"You went last year?" James accused her, his eyes narrowing at the thought that there was a lot more she hadn't told him.

"Anyways," Dumbledore continued, as James fell silent. "This year, you all will be responsible for planning and setting up for the dance. Usually, there's some sort of theme, if that helps you all out at all. Just organize it, and we'll do all the set-up. I need your final plans by the Monday NEWTs begin, alright?"

"Perfect," Lily answered for the pair of them, ignoring the look James was giving her. "Well, we'd best get started." With that, they rose and left, as Potter stuffed both hands into his pockets.

.y.g.e.

Lily, of course, wanted to begin immediately. So she dragged James back up to the Gryffindor Common Room, where they both collapsed on the couch. Lily had parchment and a self-inking quill out almost immediately. "Alright, theme. What on Earth are we going to do?"

"I have no idea," James responded. "Besides, all I ever talk about is Quidditch. And I know you don't want a Quidditch-themed dance."

"Well, I suppose it'd be interesting, but I think I'd want something a little more romantic," Lily said, trying to be nice about it. It wasn't like James to suggest something like this; he was romantic, he knew exactly what women wanted. The redhead had thought that he would be much more helpful and much less patronizing than he looked to be right now.

"Like?" James prompted her.

"Under the Stars, or something," Lily suggested.

"Too corny."

"A Night on the Thames?"

"Not exotic enough. Half the people here are from London."

"So why don't you contribute something, you smart ass?" Lily asked, shooting him a glare as he so cruelly shot down each of her ideas.

"Because I don't have any good ideas," James retorted.

"What the hell is wrong with you, James?" the redhead demanded, glaring up at him.

"Nothing," he responded, turning his head in the opposite direction.

"Tell me," Lily said softly, using one hand to turn his face back towards her, forcing their eyes to meet.

"You think I'm boring."

"I do not think you're boring," the girl insisted, her face softening.

"You think what I talk about is boring."

"Not true."

"Evans, I have your damn diary," James said, wishing she had never given it to him to begin with. There were some things you didn't want to know. "You think I'm boring."

"But James, that's just--"

"You should have told me. I asked you a ton of times, and…" he stopped, staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry, James. I just really don't care about who scored what goal or who fouled who and why it wasn't called," Lily admitted, unable to watch the disappointment that was obvious in his face.

"And why couldn't you have said that three months ago?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings! You love that game, and I thought that…" She drifted off, wrapping arms around his neck, in a hug. "I don't know, James. I've hurt you so many times, and I hate myself for doing it. And I'm always afraid that if I say the wrong thing, I'm going to screw up everything we have here." She kissed him, letting her tongue wander back towards his tonsils. They continued like that until Sirius Black coughed across the room, and Lily pulled back, blushing.

.y.g.e.

**A/N: This is the second to last chapter, everyone. I hope you all enjoy it. I do think there will be some sort of sequel, but I have no clue when that would begin or whatever.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Dear Reader,**

**Thank you so much for your reviews and all your commitment throughout this fic. And yes, I admit the ending sucked. Thank you for telling me what you all really thought. I admit I didn't do a very good job on the chapter, I was in such a hurry to finish, and I apologize for this. As a result, I am reposting the last chapter. Hopefully, this one will be up to your standards.**

**Much Love,**

**Your Great Escape**

y.g.e.

"So, what'ya doin'?" Sirius asked snidely, watching as the pair pulled away.

"Plotting your demise," James said, grinning. "Now go study for your NEWTS, alright?" He and Lily went back to planning, finally pulling a theme together, planning music, decorations, everything. It was done by that night, leaving them both time to cram for exams the following week.

The week was really long for the Marauders. They had to plan their end-of-year prank, study (somewhat), and help Remus figure out how on earth he was going to tell Grace about his furry little problem. Finally, though, their last tests were over, and the entire school was lying out by the lake, sleeping or talking or studying for something else.

James watched as Grace came down, sunglasses perched on her head, making a bee-line for Remus. Moments later, Moony stood up, strolling casually towards the girl. "I have something to tell you. Let's walk."

And they did, away from everyone, where no one could hear what he had to say – he made sure of it. "Look, Grace. I think there's something you should know about me, but you can't say a thing to anyone, and… I don't know. I just…"

"Tell me," the girl assured him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"I'mawerewolf," he said, so quickly that the words were strung together.

"I know," Grace replied, planting a kiss on his lips. "I noticed you were always sick on the full moon, and I thought… I had hoped you would tell me." The girl led him back into the castle, holding his hand, her head resting on his shoulder. Remus was grinning broadly, glad that everything had worked out at least for him.

.y.g.e.

The night of the dance, everything was perfect. James had managed to convince the marauders to do a rather harmless prank, but one that would make the night perfect. Eventually, he and Lily had decided on a 'blue' theme. There were blue curtains on the great Hall, blue roses in the middle of each white-covered table, a blue carpet leading down into the hall. There was blue cheese, blueberries, a giant blue cake on the dessert table. The Bluebloods were playing at the other end of the hall when James walked in, Lily Evans on his arm.

"You look amazing, you know," he told the girl, giving her a good look up and down. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, two curls hanging out in front of her ears. She wore a bright blue strapless dress, a silver locket around her neck, as well as silver heels that Lily knew she would soon have to take off.

"As do you," the redhead replied, smiling. All their hard work had paid off, and apart from a few remarks about Ravenclaw, everyone was enjoying the dance. And James looked amazing in his dress robes, and Grace and Remus were finally happy together. It was the perfect conclusion to the perfect year. Except James. He didn't seem to see the danger in taking their relationship outside the school. It was practically taboo now, as she was muggleborn, and he was pureblood. It was completely impossible.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked, and when she nodded, he went off to get her a butterbeer. He returned a few minutes later, as the ceiling began showing the meteor shower that the Marauders had bewitched earlier. James and Lily made their way outside, watching the silver streak across the sky.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

He conjured a rose, placing it in her hand. "When this rose dies, so will my love for you." She smiled; the rose was glass. The girl planted a kiss on his forehead, sliding her hands into his.

"James, you're the sweetest boy I've ever met."

"Really? If I recall, I'm also the most immature."

"I haven't said that since fifth year!"

"It made quite an impression," he grinned, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small object that fit in the palm of his hand. "Lily, can I ask you something?"

"Anything." She was sweating, looking at him. What was that in his hand?

"Normally, I would have waited longer," the Head Boy began, clearing his throat. He continued, his voice getting stronger. "But I love you, more than I could ever love anyone else. I'm a blood traitor. I don't know how long I'll live after we graduate, but I want to be with you forever. So, I guess what I want to ask is, will you marry me?" He held out the ring for her to take. It was gold, with a princess-cut diamond. It had been his grandmother's, a family heirloom for generations and generations.

Lily put a hand to her mouth in shock. The ring was beautiful, and he was amazingly sweet about everything. How could he ask her this now? After she had decided what needed to be done in order for them both to survive? "James," she whispered, staring at him for a moment. "I can't. I'm sorry." The grin slowly faded from his face, as they stared at each other. "You should go."

He did. He went back to the common room, pulling a spare bottle of firewhiskey out from under the bed, taking a drink out of it. He had thought she would ask for a little more time. James Potter didn't think that Lily Evans would just leave him right off the bat. It was obvious to him that she didn't want anything to do with him now. But what had he done wrong? The Head Boy replaced his dress robes with jeans and a tee-shirt, and flopped back onto his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.

Five minutes later, the door slowly opened and shut. "James?" It was Sirius.

"What?" the youth asked bitterly.

"You missed the real prank."

"What'd you do?"

"Made the cake explode. It was wonderful. Dumbledore was cutting it, too."

"Sounds great."

"What's wrong? Why are you up here alone? And why aren't you wearing your dress robes?" Sirius cracked a grin. "Oh, did you and Evans finally sleep together?"

"NO, YOU IMBECILE!!" James roared, sitting up. Then, quietly, "We broke up."

"Why?"

"She doesn't want to get married, or something. I never bothered to ask. I don't want to know. I'd hate to think that she never loved me."

"She loves you."

"Then why am I up here all alone?"

"I dunno. I'm up here all alone." Sirius grabbed the firewhiskey bottle off the table, taking a drink. The thought of Kim still overwhelmed him. Besides, being drunk was always fun.

"That's different."

"Maybe."

"So what am I supposed to do now?" James asked, opening another bottle of firewhiskey. "She's gone, we're all leaving… I never thought she would break up with me because I proposed. And after all that bullshit about not wanting to hurt me." He downed the entirety of the bottle, listening to Sirius' futile attempts to comfort him, and fell asleep almost immediately.

.y.g.e.

Lily and James barely spoke through the rest of the term. She knew she had hurt him, but she had to. There hadn't been a choice in the matter, given what the death eaters would do to him for marrying a muggle born. And so she avoided him, and sat silently in the compartment on the trip back to King's Cross station. It had only been nine months earlier that they had argued here, and she had hexed him.

_James Potter was, in fact, poking her, when she awoke to all the familiar sounds of the Hogwarts Express. Lily brushed his finger away impatiently, trying to slip back into the dream. Oddly enough, she wanted to know what happened next. But why would she want to know something like that? It wasn't as if she actually wanted to shag James Potter. He poked her again. "Potter. Enough."_

"_I'm not touching you," was the seventh-year's only reply, and his customary smirk returned to his face once he had gotten a reaction out of the object of his affections, as he liked to put it. James watched, amused, as Lily rolled her eyes at him, sighing with exasperation. It was an obvious ploy to buy time in order to come up with some clever remark._

_Or that was what the Head Boy thought until he heard what the redhead had to say. "Potter, stop it."_

_He almost laughed at the thought. 'No,' Prongs answered silently, continuing aloud. "Sorry, you're far too pokeable." His finger jabbed in Lily's direction once more, and once again, she failed to avoid it._

_Gracefully taking the hit, she raised one eyebrow at James, a habit he found quite attractive. Of course, Lily hadn't spent nearly enough time around him to know this, and if she had, she would have broken the odd habit immediately. "Pokeable?" she inquired, puzzled by the word. "What in Merlin's name is that supposed to mean?"_

_Potter didn't miss a beat, and poked her once again. "It means that I'm not touching you." He smirked, satisfied with the reply, as well as with Lily's reaction. He liked seeing her get mad, for some odd reason. Maybe it was more attractive to him. Maybe he liked the fire in her personality. Maybe he was used to that being the only reaction he ever got out of her. Abruptly, James found her wand directly under his nose, staring down the highly-polished wood._

"_I'm warning you, Potter. Don't push it." The Head Girl glowered at her new, unwanted colleague, not quite sure that he would leave her alone._

"_Head Girl." He smirked, a facial expression that she hated more than anything else about him. Except maybe his I'm-all-that attitude and his hair that always refused to lay flat. "What're you gonna do?" He stood up, his lanky body stretching to a height of six feet. Deftly, James reached down, his fingers closing around her wrists, pulling her to her feet. Now that both of them were standing, two things were clear: Lily didn't look too intimidating, her head barely reaching his chin. "You might get in trouble," the seeker murmured in his warm, pleasant voice, as he felt the tip of her wand against his chest._

"_Then again, I might not," Lily replied, confident that he wouldn't say anything. He never did, and no one else was around to see her do this. He felt his fingers jab once, simultaneously, into the one point on her side that could make her shriek, and that was, indeed the last straw. Regaining her composure, Lily narrowed her eyes and spoke the words to the first hex that came to mind. "Sanguinem Mittere!"_

Somehow, they had come full circle, without anything really changing. And it depressed Lily. After all this time, they hadn't done anything. All their hard work had meant nothing in the end because they couldn't be together. She felt something cold and wet trickle down her cheek, and her hand flew in panic to her face, flicking the tear away and turning to stare out the window. James remained absorbed in his book; she hoped he hadn't seen. She had kept up the act of hating him for six years – why couldn't she do it now?

Finally, the train came to a stop, and the busy platform nine and three-quarters came into view. James was already leaving, his trunk floating behind him. Lily quickly followed suit, taking two steps for every one he took. "James!" He turned easily, his eyes full of the hurt she had caused, and something else… hope? She hoped it wasn't – she would hate to have to take that away, too. Nonetheless, she flew into his arms, hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry… I didn't want it to happen like this, but…"

"We could still go back, Lily," he said softly, slowly returning her embrace. "It's not too late…"

"We can't," she replied, stubbornly. "It's too dangerous." She watched his face fall, and pulled out of his arms. "I'll miss you." She kissed his cheek, her vision going blurry. And the next thing he knew, she had vanished through the wall that led to the muggle world.

.y.g.e.

The end.

P.S. There's a sequel. Indestructible. Check it out.


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